The Fire

Talk to me, Tivo: A fire in the kitchen causes the employees to evacuate to the parking lot where they learn more about one another than they wanted.
Jaminess: 2 [3=Casino Night]

Jam Cam: Things are rocky from the first scene for Jam. Jim gets a call from Katy, but for some reason has felt the need to have Katy call the main number, which Pam answers. Cut to a very awkward Pam talking head as she tries to “explain” Jim and Katy’s “relationship” and ends up just feeling like she’s talking really loud. Perhaps it’s the cutesy small talk, perhaps it’s Jim’s smile when he hangs up the phone, for whatever reason, Pam feels the need to remind Jim that he can give out his direct line — as if Jim didn’t already know that. Meanwhile, something sets off the fire alarm, but it’s not clear if it’s the hot daggers shooting out of Pam’s eyes because Jim has his girlfriend calling the main number for the office.

Jim decides to take charge of the evacuated office workers by officiating Desert Island, Who Would You Do, and Would You Rather. Three books on a desert island brings out crap like The DaVinci Code, A Purpose-Driven Life, Physician’s Desk Reference and the Bible. If anything, Jim proves he can work hard under of the pressure of Dwight’s crazy pills.

As Jam does their talking head — together — Jim seems to get a little frustrated with Pam [what’s new?]. Legally Blonde, he ask incredulously? Do you understand you would have to watch that for the rest of your life? Well, at least Jim is able to talk Pam off of that ledge.

Back to the group where Pam is up and she’s got fixed her list to get some good movies on there: Fargo, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused. Oh wait, Jim says, me too! Top five! Whatever Halpert, Pam retorts. It’s in my top three so suck it. And all the viewers at home yell at the televisions “That’s what she said.” Because, well, it was. She finishes it off with Breakfast Club and Princess Bride and we all feel good about her cool list, as we wished. Meanwhile, Dwight just wants to watch The Crow. Whatever.

Dunder-Mifflin Camp Counselor Jim decides to keep things rolling with the next game: Who Would You Do. Oh yeah, because there will be no awkward sexual tension from Jam or anyone else by playing this game. Jim is fun, Jim is cool, but sometimes you have to question his game choices. Like Who Would You Do when everyone picks the one girl in the office that Jim wants to do. Apparently, he’s not the only one lusting after the receptionist.

But before he can dwell on his competition for Pam’s affection, he gets interrupted by more Depressed Dwight. In addition to liking The Crow, about a dead guy who comes back to live, he also seems to like “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. Jim goes to check on Dwight with his partner in crime, Pam, in tow because a) he’s worried about Dwight or b) he’ll take any excuse to be close to Pam during a slow song. SchemingJam talks Dwight down from the ledge…he is sitting on in his car wishing the war could go on forever so Ryan would be drafted. Wow. You know Dwight is bad and SchemingJam is oh so good when they can push the assistant to the regional manager that far. Plus, this is really SchemingJam at their best trying hard not to laugh at how stupid Dwight is while cracking themselves up on the inside — and a little on the outside, too.

And just when things are getting to be their cutest, Roy has to show up. Ugh. Well, at least we know Roy, like the rest of the men in the office, will pick Pam in Who Would You Do. Wait, what? Roy picks Angela? Pam, it’s ok. Everybody hurts sometimes…when their fiances are idiots and pick the uptight blonde chick in a round of Who Would You Do instead of the person they are going to marry. Michael puts Jim on the spot finally and while we know Jim would pick Pam, even though her ass of a fiance won’t pick her, he artfully dodges the question by imagining Kevin’s arms cuddling him while watching bowling.

But things change when you get the girls alone. Everyone picks Jim — except Pam who artfully dodges the question by picking Oscar. Oscar? Geez, everyone picks Jim and everyone picks Pam EXCEPT for Jim and Pam who dodge. How more obvious can you get, Jam?

Too bad Jim isn’t listening in on the girls’ conversation like Kevin is. He’s too busy talking to Katy, who is about to interlope her way in to the evacuees in her adorable Volkswagen with the window down so she can play with Jim’s tie. Great. At least Jim gave her some time to think about her desert island movies. With such a long lead time to think about her choices, she has to come up with something awesome, right? Try Legally Blonde. Pam chuckles loudly. “I forgot what a super nice girl Katy is,” Pam explains. “She’s good for Jim, but not as good as me.” Ok, that last bit is mine, but you totally know that’s what she meant. With Jim driving Katy’s car away [Katy can’t drive her own car?], Pam plants a big fat one on Roy just to remind her that she is taken and can’t go with Jim even though she knows she’s better than that “Legally Blonde on a desert island” girl.

The Others: Dunder-Mifflin’s temp is not having a good day at all. Michael tries to teach him what he won’t learn in his business school books, which is not much. Then Dwight wishes he would get drafted into the army. Then his boss tells the entire office that he’s hot and wants to sleep with him. And after all that, after all the humiliation, it turns out that he doesn’t know how to properly use a toaster, starts a fire, and becomes The Fire Guy. Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world’s been turning!

What have we learned today, kids: First, read the instruction manual for the toaster at the office so you don’t start a fire. Second, make sure you play Five Movies on a Desert Island BEFORE you ask someone out on a date. If Legally Blonde makes their list, it’s not meant to be and you should just walk away and continue to pine after the receptionist.

– written by Jenny


Pam: Katy and Jim met in the office. And now I guess they’re like, going out or dating or something. And, uh, I don’t know. You know, they’re just, she calls him, and they, you know. I’m sorry, I feel like I’m talking really loud. Am I talking really loud?

Jim [talking to Katy]: So we’re still on for lunch? You’re meeting me here? Okay. Great. Bye.
Pam: Hey, you can just give her your extension.
Jim: Ok.

Jim: Ok, you know what? I think I’m going to be setting the agenda here. Ok? Can everybody gather up please? Important announcement, very important announcement. I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense, psychologically revealing conversations. So we’re going to be playing desert island�who would you do and, um…
Pam: Would you rather.
Jim: Would you rather. Would you rather is our third game.

Jim: DVDs! Five movies, what would you bring to the island? Yes, Meredith.
Meredith: Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blond, Bridges of Madison County.

Jim: Wow.
Pam: Legends of the Fall.
Jim: Wow. Bridges of Madison County, Legally Blond, these movies are just…
Pam: Well, I kind of like Legally…
Jim: Wait, wait, wait. Pam, no. Do you understand? The game is desert island movies, not guilty pleasure movies. Desert island movies are the movies you are going to watch for the rest of your life. Forever! Unforgivable.
Pam: I take it back.
Jim: Unforgivable.
Pam: I take it back.
Jim: Good.

Jim: Pam, get us back into it. Five movies, go ahead.
Pam: Okay, um, Fargo, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused.
Jim: Oh, definitely in my top five.
Pam: Yea, in my top three so suck it.
Jim: What?
Pam: Breakfast Club. The Princess Bride and…
Jim: Ok, that’s five.
Pam: No, my all time favorite!
Jim: Pam, play by the rules.
Pam: All time favorite.
Jim: Play by the rules.

Jim: Alright, let’s move on. Let’s move on to the main event, who would you do.
Kevin: Present company excluded?
Jim: Not necessarily.
Kevin: Pam.
Oscar: Pam.
Jim: Um, ok. You know what? Maybe I’ll, I’ll finish explaining the rules. Let’s — let me explain it first, and then… [Jim’s voice is drowned out by “Everybody Hurts”] Yeah, so we’ll get right, you know what? I’ll be right back. Stanley, you’re taking over for me, buddy. I’ll be right back.
Stanley: Ok.
Jim: Dwight. Dwight. C’mon buddy, use words.
Dwight: Why didn’t I go to business school?
Jim: Who goes to business school?
Dwight: The temp.
Jim: He does?
Dwight: Yeah, it’s all him and Michael talk about anymore.
Pam: You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself “I wish I were a volunteer sheriff on the weekends.”
Dwight: He doesn’t even know that I do that.
Pam: You should tell him.
Dwight: Oh yeah Pam, right. That’s going to help things, just talk it out. I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.
Pam: Dwight.
Jim: What?
Dwight: I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t –just part of me meant it. Besides, he’d end up being a hero anyway.
Jim: You know what you should do? You should quit and then that would stick it to both of them.
Dwight: Oh Jim, I’m not going to quit. Then Ryan wins.
Jim: Yeah, you’re right.
Dwight: Thanks, you guys. I just need some alone time.
Pam: Ok.
Jim: Alright buddy.

Roy: Hey you guys, what’s going on?
Jim: Nothing.
Pam: Hey.
Roy: What’s up? Can I hang out with you guys for a bit? The warehouse guys are a bunch of jackasses sometimes.
Stanley: Come on, people, you know the rules of the game now.
Michael: Oh, hey, hey gang, what game are we playing here?
Stanley: Ok, it’s called who would you do.
Michael: Oh, I play this at home all the time while I’m falling asleep. What, ah, where are we? Where are we here? Roy? Roy? Who would you do Roy?
Roy: Uh…Oh, I got it. What’s the name of that uh, tight ass�uh�Christian chick? The blond?
Angela: My name is Angela.
Roy: Hey, Angela, Roy. Nice to meet you.
Michael: Aaaalright, who’s next, who’s next, who’s next, who’s next? Jim? You’re next. Who would you do?
Jim: Ah, Kevin, hands down. Yeah. He’s really got that teddy bear thing going on and afterwards, we could just watch bowling.

Katy: Hey!
Jim: Hey.
Katy: How are you?
Jim: Good, how are you?
Katy: I’m great, good to see you.
Jim: It’s good to see you too.
Katy: I’m hungry.
Jim: Yeah, I am too.
Katy: Oh, I have been thinking the whole way over, and I have my answers.
Jim: What answers?
Katy: Um, for the desert island.
Jim: Oh! Right! Right, right, right, right, come on. Ladies and gentlemen, gather around, we have one more participant, come on, be polite. Desert island, five movies, go.
Katy: Okay, um, first, Legally Blond.
Pam: Ha!

Pam: I forgot what a super nice girl Katy is and just, good for Jim. They are so cute together. And um…what an adorable car.

Jim: Okay, I think the game’s over, people are like leaving, there was a bigger crowd last time. Do you just want to go to lunch?
Katy: Ok.
Jim: Yeah?
Katy: Alright, you want to drive?
Jim: Sure.
Katy: Alright.
Katy [looking at Roy and Pam]: They are so cute.

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