The Secret

Talk to me, Tivo: Because Jim fears Michael will tell the others he likes Pam, he pretends to be Michael’s best friend.
Jaminess: 3 [3=Casino Night]

Jam Cam: What’s up, dawg? Spring cleaning, that’s what’s up. Oh, and Michael’s loose lips. Apparently, telling the boss you have a crush on the receptionist is not a good idea.

Speaking of the receptionist, Pam’s busy working on her wedding plans including how she is going to do her hair. She pulls out her normal barret to show Kelly how she’s doing it that day, getting a longing look from Jim and a “Mikey likey,” from her boss. Michael accurately tells Jim this must be torture for him. The only problem is Michael says it out loud.

Jim tries to deflect the inquiries from the documentary crew by saying he drank too much and confided in the worst confident about something in the past. Jim-bag goes in to clarify to Michael that what he said on the booze cruise was confidential. Michael thinks this means they are now BFFs — best friends forever. It gets so bad Michael tries to connect with Jim over grape soda and the P-A-M situation, then gets pissed when Stanley interrupts the bonding.

Yep, Michael is taking this J-I-M situation very seriously. As Jim cleans up the supply shelves, Michael comes in with his graaaaape soda and proceeds to make Dwight jealous of his new friendship with Jim-bag. They tell each other secrets, in fact. Geez, Jim’s real secret is going to get out soon at this rate. Really soon. Luckily, Jim is smart enough to think on his toes, compliment Dwight with a fake secret, and then stick a hot pink Post-It Note on Dwight’s back. Too bad he can’t think of a better excuse for lunch other than eating his ham and cheese sandwich in the break room. Michael wants to talk about Pam some more and you have to wonder who really has the crush on the receptionist — Michael or Jim?

So it’s off to Hooters! Yeah, that’s going to be a good place for Michael to be prancing around. Right from the start, you can tell it’s a bad idea with all of his horrid innuendo. Jim looks so uncomfortable and orders a ham and cheese sandwich to make him feel better while Michael goes on and on about chicken breasts, which brings on a slight head shaking from Jim before he lets out some grunt that sounds like “Oh, please no. Why am I being tortured like this?”

Speaking of tortured, Pam is stuck answering Dwight’s sniffling questions while he man-handles the jelly beans to get the black ones. Pam seems to be thinking the same thing as the rest of us and promptly tosses the entire candy bin in the trash.

Luckily, Pam isn’t at Hooters hearing Michael ask Jim what he likes best about Pam — her legs, her boobs? She’s easy to talk to, Jim says, and she has a sense of humor, which is probably why she doesn’t get any of Michael’s jokes. Mihcael likes boobs and ends up lying to the waitress about Jim’s birthday so he can see lots of them at their table. Poor Jim.

Pam starts grilling poor embarassed Jim about what he and Michael talked about at lunch as soon as they walk in the door. Jim mentions politics and literature, then just flashes Pam his shirt. Pam says “I hate you,” in return, but in an endearing way that makes you think the “hate” part could be replaced with another word and the tone in her voice would sound very similar.

Jim’s back at his desk and Michael seems to be doing something weird with his hair. Is he trying to do a messy, floppy Jim hair do? Michael takes his new haircut over to Toby to get approval for his lunch date at Hooters. He had to take Jim out, Jim is depressed and needed a relaxing lunch. After all, he’s in love with a girl he works with who’s engaged. “Pam?” Uh oh. Kelly heard that. This is not going to be a secret for very much longer.

Angela and Phyllis start talking about who they would choose between Jim and Roy. Angela wants Roy. Then Kevin and Creed start talking about this whole crush despite the fact that Creed doesn’t know which one Pam is. And can’t a man get even a little bit of space without being attacked as soon as he walks out the bathroom door? Apparently not because Jim immediately gets asked by Kelly “Why didn’t you tell me you had a crush on Pam?” Um…maybe because you would have told everyone.

“I used to have a crush on Pam and now I…don’t. Riveting.” What some of us are finding most riveting at this point is why Jim believes he can just talk us into thinking we don’t see him pining after her. We see all, Jim, and we know you’re lying. So does Kevin, who not only noticed the look you gave Pam as she walked by, but also felt the need to acknowledge the fact that he saw it.

Jim has to do something, he has to tell Pam about all this before someone else talks to her, so he heads to the kitchen as she’s dumping out paper from her desk. The conversation starts out casual as Jim goes over what he found in his desk drawers during the cleaning process and then it just becomes heartbreaking after that. “I told Michael that I had had a crush on you when you first started here.” Oh. Pam looks a little taken aback as Jim is stammering through all of this. He just wanted her to know what he had said before Michael told her because Jim knows how bad that conversation could turn out. When Jim tells her the crush thing is not a big deal, it sounds like he’s trying to talk himself into believing the same thing while Pam looks like she’s going to cry when she realizes he’s just her friend [he’s not]. You can tell it’s awkward for both of them as they let out a little smirk and Pam tries to lighten the mood by asking Jim if he’s going to be awkward around her now. He sarcastically says “Oh yea, yea,” but there’s just a little hint of darkness in his voice. Before she walks out the door, there’s one last thing for Jim to say. It was three years ago and he’s over it. Pam just responds with “Cool,” but she looks anything but cool. As she turns to go, Pam looks crushed as if there was a small moment when she thought about being in a relationship with Jim. The quick shot we get of Jim shows he probably feels just as heartbroken. Why can’t you two be honest and just tell each other, and yourselves, how you really feel? Argh!

Now that Jim has gotten that off his chest, he figures it’s time to talk to Michael about what happened. How did all that get out? Michael starts getting emotional and looks like he’s going to cry, hoping this doesn’t affect their friendship. Jim tries to talk him down, it’s ok, it’s just one day, it’s all going to be ok. He’ll probably repeat those same words over and over whenever he thinks about the crotch hug Michael gives him at that moment.

Pam comes in just in time for her own Emotional Michael moment as he’s getting choked up at his desk thinking about what he has done. He starts the conversation Jim was dreading he would start and it turns out there was good reason for the dread. Pam stops him, saying she knows Jim had a crush on her but that was a long time ago. Except it wasn’t a long time ago, it was on the booze cruise. As in he had a crush on Pam on the booze cruise, not that he just told his boss about it on the boat. Oh Michael, you need to shut up before you make this worse.

Remember when Jim jokingly said things were going to be awkward between them? He wasn’t joking, which is pretty obvious when you see Pam silently get their coats and silently wait for the elevator to come. As they stand in the elevator, you see each one of them give the other a quick glance, but not at the same time, and the doors close.

The Others: It seems Jim isn’t the only one with a secret. It’s spring cleaning day and Oscar isn’t around because he’s called in sick. With Michael preoccupied with the “Jim Situation,” Dwight hands over spring cleaning details to the temp to investigate Oscar’s illness. He stakes out the house only to find Oscar arrive back home with bags and ice skates. He wasn’t sick after all! Dwight busts him for lying and ends up hanging out the rest of the night at Oscar’s house, never noticing that Oscar’s friend is more than just a friend. It seems Dwight is pretty good at stake outs when he needs to sneak up on someone, but pretty bad at noticing the obvious.

What have we learned today, kids: Get those secrets off your chest and out in the open, but don’t then spin the secret into a lie to cover your ass. After all, the person you’re keeping the secret from may be more receptive to the truth than you think.

– written by Jenny


Jim: Nothing much what’s up with you?
Pam: I can’t believe I feel for that.
Michael: Ha ha. What? What? Where’s the funny? Give it to me.
Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What’s up, dog?
Jim: Nothing much, what’s up with you?
Michael: Oh, wow. I walked right into that. Oh, that’s brilliant.

Pam: I bought my veil.
Kelly: Oh my God, that is so exciting. Can I be a bridesmaid?
Pam: Um…
Kelly: Listen, you don’t have to answer now, but how are you going to do your hair?
Pam: Ok, I was thinking about wearing it down. Kind of like, I don’t know, like loose with big curls.
Kelly: You look like an angel. I’m seriously going to cry.
Michael: Wowee, Mikey likey. Why don’t you wear your hair down like that all the time? It’s much sexier.
[Pam puts her hair back up and Michael turns to Jim] Michael: Man, this must be torture for you.

Jim: Yea. On the booze cruise, I told Michael about some feelings I used to have for Pam. I had just broken up with Katy and had a couple of drinks and I confided in the world’s worst confidant.

Jim: Hey, Mike.
Michael: Hey, Jim bag.
Jim: Remember that thing I told you on the booze cruise about Pam? That was personal. So if we could just keep that between you and me, that would be great.
Michael: Really? Who else knows?
Jim: Nobody.
Michael: Wow.

Michael: Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton. Mostly at work. But the fact that he told me his secret and no one else says everything about our friendship and it is why I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can.

Michael: My lips are sealed. “My lips are sealed.” Bangles.
Jim: Alright, great, thank you.
Michael: Can you hear me? They talk about us, telling lies…

Michael: Hey, what ya getting?
Jim: I’m going with grape.
Michael: Ah, good stuff. Good stuff.
Jim: Yup.
Michael: See the game last night?
Jim: Which game?
Michael: Any of them.
[Stanley walks in] Michael: So, what’s the 411? Any updates on the P situation?
Jim: I don’t know what you mean…
Michael: P-A-M.
Jim: Oh, yeah, no.
Michael: P-A…
Jim: Oh, ok.
Michael: No, it’s ok. We’re talking code.
Jim: Well…
Stanley: What is?
Michael: Listen, Stan…how long does it take you for you to pick out a soda?
Jim: I’m gonna take off actually.
Michael: Alright, well. Cool.

Michael: What do you like best about Pam?
Jim: Oh, I really don’t want to talk about it.
Michael: Her legs or boobs, or?
Jim: Um, she’s easy to talk to, I guess, and she’s got a really good sense of humor.
Michael: Really?
Jim: Mm-hm.
Michael: Never gets any of my jokes.
Jim: What about you?
Michael: Her boobs, definitely.
Jim: Wow, that’s not what I meant.

Michael: That was hilarious. Hey.
Pam: What did you guys talk about?
Jim: Just, you know, politics, literature. [holds up his Hooters shirt] Pam: I hate you.

Jim: Well, the cat’s out of the bag. I used to have a crush on Pam and now I…don’t. Riveting.

Kevin: Yeah.
[Jim watches Pam walk past his desk] Jim: No, it’s not.
Kevin: Nice. She is so hot.

Pam: Hey.
Jim: Hey.
Pam: Did you find anything good in your desk?
Jim: A coupon for a free sandwich.
Pam: Score.
Jim: Expired in August — and my cell phone charger from two years ago.
Pam: Big day.
Jim: Big day. Hey, listen. I told Michael on the booze cruise…It was so stupid. I told Michael that I had had a crush on you when you first started here.
Pam: Oh.
Jim: Well, I just thought that…I figured you should hear it from me. Rather than, I mean, you know Michael.
Pam: Right.
Jim: And…seriously. It’s totally not a big deal. Ok? And when I found out that you were engaged, I mean…
Pam: No, I — I know. Like, I kind of — Like, I — I thought that maybe you did. When I first started.
Jim: Oh, you did?
Pam: No, I mean, just because we, like, got along so well.
Jim: No, I know, yeah. You saw through me. Great.
Pam: So are you gonna be, like, totally awkward around me now?
Jim: Oh yea. Yeah. Hope that’s okay.
[Pam walks to the door] Jim: And Pam? It was like, three years ago. So, I am totally over it.
Pam: Cool.
Jim: Ok.

Pam: Hey, here’s your schedule for next week.
Pam: Are you ok?
Michael: Yeah, I’m fine. Look, about you and Jim, I —
Pam: Oh, no, that’s…You don’t have to —
Michael: No, I just feel it’s my responsibility as your boss-slash-friend —
Pam: No, it’s really…it’s ok. Um, I know that Jim had, like, a crush on me when he first started. But that was a long time ago, so…
Michael: It wasn’t that long ago. It was on the booze cruise.
Pam: Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise or he told you about it on the booze cruise?
Michael: Um…ok. Shut it, Michael. I’m done. That’s it, I’m out.

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