She wonders why it is so hard for her to be happy these days. She wonders why it takes her so long to fall asleep, and when she does she tosses around dreams of the office and Jell-O and Jim. She wonders why it has been so easy for her to ignore the swelling of her heart that makes it feel like her chest is going to explode. She wonders why her skin comes alive for Jim but never for Roy. And she wonders why it was so easy for her to nod and push him away, when she knows she should have just pulled him back in and let herself drown in him forever.

A response to the 'Pam in Stanford' challenge. Beginning on Casino Night (S2), this AU explores what would have happened if Pam transferred to Stamford instead of Jim.