Date: April 18, 2007 10:29 am Title: Survival of the Fittest
I like this exploration of Karen. She really does seem like she just wants the best for both of them... but, that she can't really help that de-evolution that Jim is on.
Date: April 18, 2007 10:27 am Title: Divine Creation
Monday, the soda machine gave me grape water instead of Sprite. And my first thought was about Jim, and his evolving. And I was like, hum, interesting middle ground for Jim, Grape Water. And then I tasted it. It tasted like water, but it had the smell of cold medicine. And it wasn't cool at all. So, I wouldn't wish that on Jim.
And I just think this is the coolest metaphor (or whatever the correct term) is! It is so awesome
8 [Report This]Date: April 11, 2007 07:49 pm Title: Survival of the Fittest
"You were accustomed to breathing, and Jim wasn’t used to the fresh air."
I really like this metaphor that you're using. I really think this is what's going to trip up the Jim/Karen relationship in the end. Moreso than whatever Jim's feelings are towards Pam. Nice job.
Date: April 11, 2007 05:43 pm Title: Survival of the Fittest
Are you missing a word in this line "You forced him to try the grown-up of handling the situation"? Should it be "grown-up approach" or something?
This chapter is even better at showing the changes in Jim than the prior one. It builds more steadily, I guess. The last 3 paragraphs are especially good, and I like the metaphors with the ladders and the sea.
Good job!
Author's Response:
Ah definitely a word missing from that sentence, thanks a lot for the review and pointing out the mistake!
Date: April 11, 2007 04:45 pm Title: Survival of the Fittest
The imagery in this is so beautiful and well done. Lovely!
Date: April 10, 2007 04:01 pm Title: Divine Creation
Oh, this was just lovely.
Date: April 09, 2007 09:30 pm Title: Divine Creation
Very interesting. I like these lines best: "It was the flaws in evolution that really mattered. Those flaws created the anomalies, the loch ness monsters, the things people really talked about. The smallest cracks in the evolutionary chart made the largest difference, and you noticed every one."
I also really like this: "You want Jim, even though you already caught him, and threw him back in." I hope they catch each other again, and soon!
I'm interested in seeing the other views on Jim.
Date: April 09, 2007 02:40 pm Title: Divine Creation
I really like this......and I can't WAIT to see Angela's take on it all...I hope there is a chapter for her!
Date: April 09, 2007 02:32 pm Title: Divine Creation
WOO! I'm so glad that someone did an evolution story. Literally. Good job on not making it cheesy but realistic.
Date: April 09, 2007 01:16 pm Title: Divine Creation
fabulous, I mean really really good. I hope this is where the show goes, because although I can see him staying mad at her and then a big FIGHT, I'd much rather just see him pulled back into her orbit again. Karen doesn't stand a chance.