10 [Report This]Date: October 22, 2008 02:20 pm Title: This is Water
I resisted reading this, because I'm trying to stay away from WIPs, but clearly, today, i gave in. And I'm glad I did. This story is gorgeous. I love the style, how you showed the documentary format, the footnoting, and really, just how you have drawn these characters so simply but so very vividly. Your stories always tend to have such a tangible quality. I love that and I love this.
Author's Response:
albie, what a wonderful thing to read! Thank you so much for this and for breaking your rule on WIPs. I totally understand that one - I've had my heart broken more than once after reading a few chapters of a story that was never finished! Never fear, I would die from the guilt and besides, I've put so much into this so far, I have to finish it!
I'm so glad you've enjoyed this and thank you so much for letting me know! Epilogue coming!
10 [Report This]Date: October 22, 2008 07:26 am Title: Shipping Out
This is such a gorgeous story. There's too much to even quote for you, but I'll say this: as if any girl would do. As if you could forget. really hit home. And that's just one tidbit of the many in this piece.
The last paragraph is perfect, also.
I guess now I need to read me some DFW. I haven't gotten on that train yet. Anyway, this is original and heartfelt and so well-written! I can't wait to see how you wrap it all up. :)
Author's Response:
Thank you so much for this, callisto! I should apologize to everyone for digging into their book budgets, but it will be money well spent if it's for DFW and/or Neruda!
It was a thin line to walk to bring Jim out of his grief - a real challenge not to undercut the intense feelings from the first couple chapters but to give him some hope and happiness without it tying it up too neatly - the lines you quoted, I liked those a lot and I think they helped to bridge that gap between grief-stricken and moving on. I suppose it might have been a little easier if I'd stretched this out for a few more chapters, but I liked the challenge of telling a complete and deeply emotional story in just a few chapters. Now just for the epilogue and I truly hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for such a great review!
10 [Report This]Date: October 20, 2008 10:22 pm Title: This is Water
Where is my mind? I read this when it was posted and I could've swore I left a review but I checked today to edit it and apparently, I didn't! Okay, enough random EllaBella story hour, on to the review! I love this story more than Creed loves mung beans. Seriously. I'm sad that this story is coming to an end because I won't have anything new from you to look forward to and that makes me cry a little on the inside. So, for the good of the fandom, please write more soon! :D
Author's Response:
Elly, you never fail to crack me up! Trust me, I've promised lisahoo and EverybodyHurts some smut so many times now, if I don't deliver after this they're going to start calling me a big fic-tease!
I'm so glad you've enjoyed this. Even though everyone says we write for ourselves...yes, yes, we write for ourselves, for sure...what good would it be without readers and feedback? It would be me jumping around my living room, pathetic and alone, fist-pumping like Dwight in the stairwell, after I finished a chapter. So you save me from that pitiful fate!
I hope you enjoy the epilogue and meet me in the gutter after this! :-*
10 [Report This]Date: October 20, 2008 09:23 pm Title: This is Water
Stunning. As always, but also more than usual ;-) I loved this so much, loved the bit about the tenses and the neruda tie in's and everything about it. Well well done, sweatpea. (that's spelled right, right?...)
Author's Response: Sweatpea, Smuckers, whatever! I saw your post in the fanfic thread where you were strongly encouraging people to read and review. You're so sweet (and bossy) - I knew this story wasn't going to threaten anyone's spot on the Top Ten list (*cough*Famous*cough*) but it IS nice to know people like it, so thank you! :-*
Date: October 20, 2008 10:37 am Title: The Nature of Fun
back then, letters were the only means of communication across long distances and not everyone knew how to write. It was a very big deal.
I liked what he said about writing letters, when we started. He said it can be more intimate than whispering in someone's ear and that just, wow. I mean, I like to write but I never thought about it that way.
Those quotes illustrate exactly how I feel about letters. Only I have thought about it that way, like a lot. Enough to have written almost an entire story in epistolary form. ;)
So needless to say I liked that part.
Also, "And but so" is my new favorite way to start a sentence and it's due to you, not DFW because I know he's the one that does it and all, but he's him and so it seemed like a singular phenomena until I saw that you could do it too and it still worked.
I'm not making much sense am I? Anyway, I loved this whole story and I can't wait to see your epilogue. Don't feel pressured. All I want to hear is the rest of what you think needs to be told. At this point I trust you completely.
Author's Response:
You're making 100% sense, Azlin! I love "And but so" because I think it's how we talk and I think DFW did an amazing job of straddling the spoken and the written word. I like to think I have a bit of a conversational style, so I'm so pleased with your comment!
I don't know if there's a more wonderful sentence than this: "All I want to hear is the rest of what you think needs to be told." TUNA, are you kidding me? I've read that about ten times now. A thousand blessings on your head and your typing fingers so you can do the same! :-*
Date: October 20, 2008 05:56 am Title: This is Water
Oh my, this was the best chapter yet. I think you're writing the grief reactions incredibly well. The title fits.
Author's Response:
Those three words are so inspirational, jazzfan, and I'm so glad you think the title fits! Bringing Jim out of his grief and reacquainting him with the world was a challenge, but I'm pleased you think it works. I loved the last line of the second Neruda to indicate that he's ready: Let's bring the wood and make fire on the mountain. Thanks, Pablo!
Thanks so much for reading and letting me know you enjoyed - I appreciate it!
10 [Report This]Date: October 19, 2008 08:17 pm Title: Shipping Out
Once again, I'm nearly at a loss as to what to write for a review. This was beautiful. His talking about how he grieved was just heartbreaking, but hopeful.
I have read, to my embarrassment, the chapter with her sitting on his lap with her filthy mouth and them talking about the dog more times than I can count. "I let my dog judge me". I love it.
I can't even consider this 'fanfiction', Sweetpea. That doesn't do this justice. Not that fanfiction isn't writing in it's own right, but this is so much more. This is art. It's beautiful and perfect and amazing. Thank you for this story.
Author's Response:
Oh, kells! You make my heart soar with the eagle's nest! What an incredible review.
This was a tough chapter and I had a mini meltdown over IM with Lovefool. [Note: I did not go out on a ledge of any kind!] I was freaking out over how much this chapter had to do. It had to show Jim coming out of grieving - but not too fast and not too easily or I betray everything I did in the first chapters. It had to show a bit of Jim and Pam's new relationship - but not too much to turn it into a sappy or typical fanfic moment, either. (I kept telling Lovefool: THERE WILL BE NO VIOLINS!) Those things had to be done while transitioning from second to first person. I love the term "unreliable narrator" and to me it just fit Jim in this story so perfectly. I read a bit in the forward of the book Soul Mountain about the use of the second person after I wrote the first three chapters that just knocked me out. In that story, the "you" is a fractured part of the authorial self that the protagonist creates because he is on an intensely lonely journey and needed company. Man, I loved that, and realized that that also fit this story. I saw the "you" as the reader, also, so we get to see that Jim is writing to help him through his grief and basically talking to the reader. Whew! Anyway, it was a challenge and it was fun!
I really hope you enjoy the epilogue, aaaand, that's what I'll be working on this weekend! Thank you so much for such wonderful comments. :-*
10 [Report This]Date: October 19, 2008 08:12 pm Title: This is Water
Wowza. This was so hot, and so beautiful, and... just wow. That Neruda poem is hot as hell, too. Seriously, I already ordered "Brief Interviews" from Amazon, now I'm gonna have to get some Neruda. You're doing horrible things to my bank account, you know. :)
"I fix the lock on my bedroom door and I let my dog judge me." That's my favorite line. I, too, have an aversion to getting laid in front of animals, so I loved that whole exchange.
Just an epilogue left, huh? But then where will I get names to add to my Must Reads list?! :)
Author's Response:
Awww, Corking, this was the sweetest - honestly! That was the Neruda poem that started it all! I sent it to Lovefool and said, "Holy crap, READ THIS!" Funny, that poem had many different places in this story. It was originally in Chapter 1, then I had Pam overhearing it from the hallway, then I had it in a footnote of Chapter 3. I never imagined Pam giving it to Jim to say, "COME ON! You need to let yourself go and give me a little more - I'm dyin' here!" but I think it worked out okay!
I totally have the same thing with the dog in the room! I don't know where that line came from but it does seem to be a favorite and it just plopped out of my brain - no forcing! As far as a reading list goes, there is a Books thread in the forums - you should check it out! Thank you so much for such a great review - I really appreciate it.
10 [Report This]Date: October 19, 2008 06:17 pm Title: This is Water
I have no words, amazing!!!!!!
Author's Response: Hannah, thank you so much for being a faithful reader and reviewer. I truly appreciate it and I hope you like the epilogue, too! Coming soon!
Date: October 19, 2008 05:08 pm Title: This is Water
So, uh, I probably should have been reviewing this whole time, because this is wonderful, and also because I am madly in love with Pablo Neruda, and it excites me so much that you know who his is and love him too!
This is beautiful. Absolutely lovely. I love, love, love it.
Author's Response: bashert, thank you so much for this and it's wonderful to find another Neruda fan - y'all really came out of the woodwork here! Before I started writing this, I only had limited knowledge of his work, but wow! It's not only wonderful, but HUGE and varied and just the absolute flesh and blood of what I think is wonderful writing. I can't even explain how much I've enjoyed writing this and I'm so pleased you're enjoying. Thank you!
Date: October 19, 2008 01:59 pm Title: This is Water
I've really been enjoying this, It's wonderful.
Author's Response: Thank you so much, iwantphillyjim! I'm so glad you like it and I'm glad you let me know!
Date: October 19, 2008 12:16 pm Title: This is Water
You have irrevocably broken my brain. I don't know where to begin, because there's just so MUCH here. From the commentary on the shifting 1st/2nd person voice (1), to the precise, but simple language, to what a sensitive and freaking interesting character study this is...and it's romantic as hell to boot.
AU rarely convinces me like this - this story feels like a place - a literal and emotional place. And it's seamless and complete (and by complete I don't mean length, I mean that intangible sense of truth and fullness that make it alive.) I could quote a dozen great lines from this chapter alone, but that's almost besides the point. I love how you've threaded the poems through - they feel integral, not mannered, and that's hard to pull off.
Now, you know I need to comment on that unspeakably sexy, funny, touching section that begins, so aptly: Saturday morning on 30 minutes of sleep.Woa. And this may be the hottest line ever written: She takes off my glasses and I get an erection. Not just for the literal ref, but also for the notion of anticipation and letting go and the implication of trust in not seeing clearly. And if this doesn't beautifully and succinctly nail new, unexpected love, I don't know what does: ...and I want nothing more than to lean into her and close my eyes.
Okay, this review is totally rambling stream of ubnoxiousness. What more can I tell you? What a perfect last line. I can't possibly top that, so I'll just stop. Right here.
(1) Did you ever read A Book of Common Prayer by Joan Didion? Major novel for me, and (though I know you had DFW on your mind) there are elements here that remind me of it. She begins by explaining her limitations/idiosyncrasies as the story's narrator (basically telling you neither omniscense nor objectivity interst her) and she ends with perhaps my favorite ending ever of a novel: "I have not been the witness I wanted to be." Anyway, that comparison is a big compliment. Seriously.
Author's Response:
I don't know if I can even respond to this! First, it's YOU. DUH. Second, YOU PUT A FREAKING FOOTNOTE IN THIS REVIEW!!!! Best. Thing. Ever! I'm so grateful.
I know what a huge influence Didion has been for you and that is just the ultimate compliment to me. I've only read The year of Magical Thinking - which I admit now to borrowing two words from in Chapter 1. I was so mesmerized by the concept that I think we all do - that if we just engage in the right kinds of thoughts or rituals, we can make magic and bring someone back from the dead - but I'd never heard/read it given a name. I could never be as concise as she is (or you are) but I aspire to that level of precise word choice. Just beautiful.
Thank you so much for thinking the poems flow and don't stick out like a 7th grade book report! I was so worried about that.
And thank you for the detail and quotes! Gosh, I'm so chuffed you liked the glass/erection line! I was so happy with that! I tinkered with the kitchen scene quite a bit (why do I always have them ending up getting naked in the kitchen? What is that?) so I'm pleased you liked that bit. And yes...30 minutes of sleep. The mind reels.
I should hope to write a last line as perfect as the last line of Didion's you quoted. God, that is perfection. She and DFW both give me so many things to marvel at in sheer awe.
Thank you so much, my friend. Means the world to me.
Date: October 19, 2008 12:14 pm Title: Shipping Out
P.S. I had formating issues with my review that I can't seem to fix. Sorry!
10 [Report This]Date: October 19, 2008 12:13 pm Title: This is Water
Sweetpea! I was giddy to see an update to my current favorite just as I was about to log off. I mean it when I say that you never disappoint. This chap was simply luscious. I could so relate to the "Grieving for Dummies" initial paragraph. So true. The repetition of "as if you could forget" was hypnotic. On a happy note, I was pleasantly surprised that Pam got Jim into bed. How fabulous! So happy that she didn't let him implode and drew him out of himself. Their relationship is so satisfying and realistic to me as a reader. Your little bits of humor really tickle me (I can relate to the whole dog/sex thing). And Jim handing Pam a journal made me breathless. Since I now almost always feel the need to quote my favorite passages from a loved story, here we go: -Sarah jumped out of the past without warning at weird times and she rarely whispered; -…if it had been left up to me, well, I think we both know this story would have had a lot more Scotch and much less plot; -Masks off then, no crutch and no bullshit.-I kept the dry cleaning receipt as a reminder, tacked up on the cork board over my desk at home. It’s a reminder to stay open, keep the boundaries porous; - It was so hard to let go of myself and all my exquisite grief! and, - Life merges, the water commingles and I breathe out. Sonnet XI, the preceding paragraph and the paragraph about their new sex life? You convey more in a few paragraphs than just about anyone. It really is a talent. The eroticism of that section was spectacularly yummy : ) I fix the lock on the bedroom door and I let my dog judge me. LOVE that! Reading about Pam in an apron makes me think of another baby of yours, She's a Candle... We know what Jim thought about that image at that time, and I'm sure this Jim digs it, too. Love this free-spirit Pam! -Before you can say ‘how predictable’ let me be the first to acknowledge that the love-of-a-good-woman-saving-a-broken-man theme is somewhat overdone, especially in poetry and country songs. Awesome ending. I want to say that I’m looking forward to the epilogue but that would mean this is done :( Oh well...I'm looking forward to the epilogue anyway.
Author's Response:
I hate to say this, Nan, but I'm kinda glad to see someone else have some formatting issues! It took me over an hour to get this chapter posted - the poems never want to format right, and this time I had trouble with the notes, too, a couple times all of the text disappeared and one time when it looked like it was almost there...my router went out! So, yeah.
Thank you so much for this - it's so wonderful to know which parts people really react to. I love that you remembered the apron bit from She's a Candle - I almost always toss something from another fic into the current one and I'm pleased you noticed! And come on, Tuna! A story from me without a little sex? That'll probably never happen!
I loved writing Pam outside of the DM world and it makes me want to do a whole 'nother story that focuses more on her. I love how she is now in S5 of the show - she's growing into herself, but her fanciness is still tempered by all she's gone through.
I'm looking forward to the epilogue, too! It's pretty much constructed in my head, but I do like to roll it around in my head for awhile, so...that's coming. Thanks so much for being such a faithful reviewer - I really appreciate it.
Date: October 19, 2008 11:58 am Title: Shipping Out
Wow! This is fantastic! Obviously I have been remiss in not reading until now, but I'm almost glad I didn't because I can't wait to read more, and now I don't have to wait! :)
Author's Response:
I remember having the same reaction when I found "Garbage Can Letter" Azlin! So glad you're enjoying this and thank you so much for the review!
Date: October 15, 2008 12:53 pm Title: The Nature of Fun
There are no words for how much I enjoyed this. NO WORDS.
Author's Response: You know, there are very few things I read here that just completely blow my mind, and "another year of blindness" is one of the very few. I think I read it 4 times before I could even put a few words together so if I took your words, it's only payback and only fair. Thank you so much for this, bebitched.
Date: October 14, 2008 10:13 am Title: Fictional Futures
Lovely story and I love it even more b/c of the reference to my favorite poet -- Pablo Neruda. And the footnotes are very helpful. This story is great because it is a "smart" story written w/ well choosen words.
Author's Response: Thank you for the sweet review, Alamos! I'm glad you're enjoying this and the Neruda, too!
Date: October 13, 2008 09:33 am Title: The Nature of Fun
Wow. That observation about the brief interviews & the talking heads is sort of creepy.
I can't blame Pam for wanting to heal the broken heart of cute Mr. Halpert & scaring the crap out of him.
I hope they don't get to ski much. Like in the Poconos, only better.
Seriously, I couldn't review for a while because all my words are lame. This is so freaking good -- well worth all the TLC.
Author's Response: When the BI-TH similarity came to me, lisa, it was like a 2X4 between the eyes. It is a little creepy! Like the Poconos, only now with LESS ROY! Thanks o much for this and just knowing you're reading and enjoying is enough for me. I haven't forgotten the promise to you and EH, so after this is done, it's back in the gutter for me! :-*
10 [Report This]Date: October 13, 2008 08:46 am Title: Shipping Out
THIS STORY IS SO BRILLIANT, I CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Hey, hey, HEY! Quiet down, now, PN! ;-) You put a big smile on my face with this and chapter 4 is ripening right now, just like Dwight's cervix. Thank you and stay tuned!
10 [Report This]Date: October 13, 2008 07:17 am Title: The Nature of Fun
AMAZING. I don't have anything else to say, because I'm speachless at the awesomenes!!!
Author's Response: Aw, Hannah, I can't wish for anything more than this. I'm so glad you're enjoying and thank you for taking the time to let me know!
8 [Report This]Date: October 13, 2008 06:56 am Title: Fictional Futures
I could totally picture Jim in the mirror with his PJ shirt on, loved it. This really is an amazing fic. I have always wanted a Jim teacher fic =)
Author's Response: Admit it, Hannah. You just want to stay after school and clap Mr. Halpert's erasers! Kidding! So glad you liked Jim being a little goofy in the mirror - that was a fun little bit to write. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
7 [Report This]Date: October 13, 2008 06:49 am Title: Shipping Out
Honestly, didn't think I'd enjoy this, but I do =) I can't wait to see where you go with this.
Author's Response: No better compliment than that, Hannah, thank you! Several months ago when the idea for this story first started germinating in my head, it was a pretty traditional type of love story, but then my head was completely ratcheted around, so it's coming out way different than originally intended. I'm glad I was open to it, because I haven't enjoyed writing this much in a long, long time.
10 [Report This]Date: October 12, 2008 09:34 pm Title: The Nature of Fun
so - yeah. you broke my brain. thanks. this is the first 10 rating i have given in awhile, but this is gorgeous. i love the basic language of the whole thing, plus i love the mixing of writing forms. love pam as art teacher teaching kahlo, love the neruda, love it all. i'm uber-curious about this magical sarah. i cannot wait for more!
Author's Response: EL, thank you so much for such a great review. I've enjoyed writing this so much and it's been like taking a huge breath of fresh air to feel open to just switching the forms up. Yeah, I know it's fanfic, but come on, right? No reason why we can't spread our wings a little and go on a flight of fancy. I think maybe you'll learn a little bit more about Sarah in the next chapter, but I think our hero is healing. She'll always be in his heart but I think Miss Beesly is breathing some life back into him. Chapter 4 is imminent and I really hope you enjoy.
Date: October 12, 2008 06:28 pm Title: The Nature of Fun
There is so very much to love here that I'm not sure where to start. You've created such a REAL world here. The way you've drawn characters like Father Chimento and the other lit. teacher...I can so CLEARLY see them all. And the way you're using footnotes to further capture some element of their personalities is unbelievably precise -- check out our girl Pam for instance! I LOVED the footnote about her grabbing him by the sweater and just planting one on him. What struck me the most about this chapter was that even though it was so sparse - it was amazingly RICH. That one moment between Jim and Pam at the water fountain tells us so much about both Jim AND Pam's characters and where they are in their relationship. Then there's the beautiful parallel you draw between Jim and Pam and their relationship to the school...both shaking things up a bit. Both making a huge impact on the students. And how wonderful seeing them through the kid's eyes.
And let's just take a moment to reflect on how HOT FOR TEACHER I AM!!!! Jim with the drumming of the fingers against the mouth..jeez. Jim with the poetry...double-Jeez.
I've said it once and I'll continue saying it...this and YOU are fabulous, my dear.
Author's Response:
HOT FOR TEACHER! You crack me up - but who could resist that, right?
Okay, I'm kind of still laughing about when I first presented the idea that I had about a change of format for this chapter. I looked back at our conversation and I was up in the air about everything. I had the idea of doing this BI-style, but I was thinking about switching POV to first-person Pam and I was open to ANYTHING and I know that makes you want to hit me so hard! You finally said DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! So, I want to thank you for this beautiful partnership we have!! :-D
Seriously, I know I've had some whacked out ideas - thank you for working through those with me and always being so positive and encouraging. LY
10 [Report This]Date: October 12, 2008 05:51 pm Title: The Nature of Fun
Since I'm in a melancholy mood tonight, what better way to chase that feeling than to read this through from the first chapter, right? Sweetpea, you made me cry. It was that last journal entry. To read this from the beginning with the added details of the next two chapters just blew me away (well, blew me further away since I was already blown away). The love story you've conjured up of Jim and his Sarah is epic. Hoping for some "epicness" for Mr. Halpert and Ms. Beesly.
Oh, how could I forget--I love the image of the v-neck, t-shirt, chino-and-horn-rimmed-glasses wearing, tortured hottie that all the young gals love. Thanks for that ; )
Author's Response:
Nan, thank you - again. What an awesome reader you are.
I would pay a bundle of American dollars to see Mr. Halpert, with the chinos and the glasses! Okay, maybe just the glasses!