9 [Report This]Date: July 15, 2009 02:04 pm Title: Chapter 1
I just love this story. I've mentioned before that I really like the way you painted the scenery and background. I liked Jim's thoughts as well, about how far he and Pam had come to this moment, how nothing could be better during the moment in the rain. So beautiful! I loved the title as well. The different sounds of the rain is when it hits different surfaces is just wonderful! Great job!
Author's Response: Wow...going back to what almost seems like an "oldie". It was hard not to get a bit inspired by that proposal! Thanks for the kind words.
Date: October 08, 2008 07:06 pm Title: Chapter 1
Beautiful story! I loved the line that said "Forty dollars worth of gas and exploding sodas and the woman who had brought him more happiness than he'd ever known or deserved". Oh haha and I see NanReg (my "Nan" twin!) has said the same thing. It's such a poignant sentence, and I think it really captures how beautiful an everyday, simple love like theirs can really be. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks nandance. I'm glad you and others have responded to that line. I was looking for something that grounded Jim and Pam to that location...but as you said in a simple, everyday sort of way...but still something that held meaning for both of them. So a place where they've bought gas, a place where they've shared a silly experience...and on that particular day...the place where he intended to ask the woman who just means everything to him to become his wife. It's nice to hear that you and others think it worked.
7 [Report This]Date: October 04, 2008 08:11 pm Title: Chapter 1
"There was no need to wait, no need to hold out for the perfect time, the perfect place...the perfect words that would magically convey all the feelings and hopes and dreams he had for her and for them."
This was perfectly lovely. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you. After the disapointment of Goodbye Toby, I surmised that Jim would have started to have second thoughts about how much importance he was giving to the trappings of becoming engaged and that ultimately, he would come to realize each passing day was only another day of postponing his dream of marrying Pam and beginning a family. I imagined the thoughts sort of rushing together inside his head as he drove to meet her.
Date: October 03, 2008 11:02 am Title: Chapter 1
Nice job, Mr Bill. I liked this in particular: So on this day, at this hour…this was where he was meant to be…a nondescript, brick convenience mart off Exit 17. Forty dollars worth of gas and exploding sodas and the woman who had brought him more happiness than he’d ever known or deserved. It sums the situation up so well.
Author's Response: Thanks, NanReg. For me, the appeal of Jim and Pam, to a great extent has been how their characters' story is rooted in the "realness' of everyday life. Ferris wheels and fireworks as grand gestures just don't seem to fit. It's in the traversing of the common, the everyday where they seem to come to understand and value the depth of meaning they hold for one another.
Date: October 03, 2008 10:15 am Title: Chapter 1
Yay! This hits just the right note of hopeful, expectant joy. And I must say, usually I am not a fan of exclamation points in prose (in comments is another thing entirely!)- but they are exactly right here. This is exclamatory, excited, joyful, wonderful things that Jim is shouting inside his head before he shouts them on mountaintops, etc. Love this!
Author's Response: Thanks, glad you liked it. Jim shouting inside is head is exactly how I pictured him as he pulled into the rest stop to see Pam standing there waiting for him. And thanks for validating my use of the exclamation points...I can, sometimes go a bit overboard.