Date: November 08, 2009 10:18 am Title: Chapter 8
This is great, I can see why you had so much trouble with it. I see you have over 17000 views so asking for reviews is totally okay. Pam only seems redundant from Jim's side of things; she is where she is and she's trying to adjust.
Mentioning Jim wanting her to talk to him and not her mom was great. He really tried to skate around the r-word relationship but it really wasn't possible to avoid it. The ring thing: it's very Jim-ish to want to give her tangible proof of his feelings and something to hold on to but I don't know if he'd bring it up to her that way or if he'd be as wordy?
Also: OH YOU WENT THERE. Ugh, as soon as she had a backache I was thinking NO SHE WOULDN'T. SHE WOULDN'T. OH SHE DID. I'm really curious about how you're going to handle this.
Author's Response: I'm glad you said that about Pam being redundant. That was just one of my worst fears for this chapter, I didn't want anyone to get turned off by the argument. It's hard to make it so realistic and have their points be valid while I'm having Pam secretly go through something really terrible, and I can only hope that people connect the dots and realize why she's acting the way she is.
Jim was definitely a little wordy, wasn't he? I just like to think that he's frustrated and it's just coming out, but as I mentioned to the reviewer below, I think Jim's the kind of person that might get to the point where it's all running out, quickly following with a complete 180 and shutting off a bit. The next chapter, I suspect he won't have much to say.
I'm glad that I had a few people surprised by the end. I know it's such a sad thing to do, and like I said in my responses below, I feel so bad doing it when they're so happy on the show. I've had this whole story in my head and summarized since before I started writing it, which was before Company Picnic even aired. So that plays a big part in my hesitancy -- I didn't want people to think it was unrealistic that they were so careful in this situation. Hopefully I'll have an update for y'all soon. Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to give me your thoughts. =)
Date: November 08, 2009 07:16 am Title: Chapter 8
Argh. I didn't think you'd go there and then you did. Somebody had to write it - I'm glad it's you. Poor Jim and Pam. Regarding your questions: Pam seemed a bit bratty until the end and you realize something actually is wrong, so you see it is justified. The only criticism I would have is that Jim seemed a bit too wordy. My version of Jimpert would say a little less, even if he was very upset. And this declaration seemed a bit strong for Jim to say to Pam: This," he said uneasily, shaking, "This... I bought this today. Before you were even awake. Just... It wasn't for today, it wasn't for -- God, Pam, I'm going to give this to you one day and I've never felt like this about anyone. I went out and got this for you; doesn't that mean anything to you? Doesn't that tell you something about how I feel? What this is for me?"
But that is nitpicking. I'm very intrigued to see how this is going to play out. I want to give them both a hug.
Author's Response: Thank you for the nitpicking! =) Wordy Jim is so hard to justify. I mostly try to write him as a man of few words, especially in somewhat angsty situations -- I like to think back to Beach Games and remember that this was the guy that said, "I wanted to be .. not here." That line usually keeps me in check. But I see where you're coming from. This is the last thing he really said to her, so he was at his breaking point a little, and he's pretty frustrated -- but I think after this, it becomes a 180, and he'll shut off. That's going to be the next chapter.
Thanks for the review! I hope I can pull this off, all of you guys being so nice are making me pretty nervous, haha.
10 [Report This]Date: November 07, 2009 09:43 pm Title: Chapter 8
Oh God, poor Pam! Poor Jim :( I hope you have a direction for this, cause I'm hooked. SEE! This is why I have my "don't read until complete" rule. But I get ahead of myself since it's you and I have to read anything with your name attached.
There were a few spelling mistakes, and he's when it should have been she's and visa-versa which confused me a bit, but reading again, I figured it out. Another thing (and this is just me, I'm sure,) but "boyfriend" was used a lot in their argument. I know that's what he is, and really, there isn't much else you can use, but to me it sounded too... adolescent. It didn't take me out of the story, just something that stood out to me.
Miscarriages can wreck even the most solid of relationships and I'm anxious as to how this is going to play out. Will Pam feel like she jinxed them? Will Jim think he put too much stress on her? There are many avenues for this story to take and both have a lot of guilt they could carry around for a long, long time. If they have a realistic chance of working through a new shaky relationship with a tragedy on top, you're the person who can make it happen.
I always talk to much. :)
Author's Response: I'm sorry! I'll try to update as soon as I can. I promise you won't be waiting two months for an update again!
I definitely need to do another run-through, that's for sure, so thanks for saying that. The boyfriend thing -- it's weird to write that in there, because we didn't hear them reference each other that often in that way. I know Jim calls Pam his "girlfriend" in Weight Loss, and even then it was cute but, yeah, it seems a little adolescent. But I didn't want Jim to call them "partners" or something like that, and he couldn't really say "the guy you're in a relationship with" five times. I think by calling himself a boyfriend so many times, he was just frustrated and trying to put it in layman's terms for her over and over again.
Your last paragraph makes me nervous! I hope I can pull it off. I have a lot of ideas, and a pretty clear idea of where it's heading. I've had most of this story planned out for a long time, a summary of the chapters written out before I started typing the first. It's just hard to try and do a good job on something so sad when on the show they're so happy, and things are going really well for them. So I hope I can pick this up and carry it out well. Thanks so much for the thoughtful review. =)
Date: November 07, 2009 09:28 pm Title: Chapter 8
I really loved this chapter--definitely wasn't "cursed" to me. Can't wait to see what happens next. Poor Pam :(
Author's Response: Thank you! I'll try to update as soon as I can. =)
Date: November 07, 2009 09:17 pm Title: Chapter 8
Hi, yanana. I liked the structure of this chapter and the ending was a total shock to me. I didn't foresee this possibility at all. I didn't think your Pam came off as a brat, especially given the twist at the end. I'd think her body was going through some hormonal rollercoaster and she'd be in some serious pain that would contribute to her attitude. So no problems there.
There were a few typos and some phrasing at the beginning that left me a bit confused. I think it would have been beneficial to describe somewhat the events of the "last 24 hours" that Jim was trying to wrap his mind around. I'm sure it was really hard to reconstruct the text you lost when you accidentally deleted the text.
You've got a really intriguing story here, yanana. I'm really looking forward to learning how Jim and Pam move forward in their relationship after this unexpected turn of events.
You're doing a great job. Don't let the computer demons defeat you!
Author's Response: Thank you for such a great review. I'm so glad for your first paragraph! I didn't want to have to put so much about Pam at the end; I didn't want to blatantly say, "She was miscarrying, so this is why she was like that." But you got that, and I hope enough people did, and didn't think she was just being dramatic. I'm going back and changing a few things as we speak, so thanks for mentioning that. Reconstructing is definitely annoying. It shouldn't be 24 hours, it should be a few, not totally sure how I jumped from one to the other, lol. Thanks so much for your kind words. You guys are the best!
Date: November 07, 2009 09:14 pm Title: Chapter 8
Wow. That was...wow. I did not expect that.
Okay two things:
1. I kept thinking while reading this that "this fight is kind of confusing - they keep going back and forth over the same point without any resolution"...and then I realized that ALL fights are like that. They never make sense because you just get so riled up over nothing! But in their defence, they were arguing over some pretty big stuff. Anyway, point being, you made me thinking and re-read, which is always a good thing, believe me.
2. I really, truly, honestly did not expect the ending. I mean I thought the back pain was a bit fishy but that image of her sobbing in the shower...gah. It was an amazing twist (I hate calling it a 'twist', but I guess it kinda is). And so, so, so sad.
So in conclusion, I loved this chapter and you have to, just have to update as soon as you can! I'm on tenterhooks here!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! The fight -- I had hoped it would be seen that way. I mean, it was definitely, obviously a little redundant. And I hope enough people reading will look back and realize that Pam was going through something big the whole time without realizing it, and it might justify her actions a little. Plus, like you said, sometimes you do get riled up over nothing when tensions are high and moods are just bad, so I'm glad you could see it from that side. I'm also glad that you didn't expect the ending! I feel bad about going that route. It's been planned from the beginning, way back before I started this, but it's so hard to actually do that when Jim/Pam are happily having a baby on the show. I'm afraid to turn too many people off with the idea. I'm glad I have you hooked though, and I plan on updating as soon as I can. And that means much sooner than the previous wait. =)
Date: November 07, 2009 09:09 pm Title: Chapter 8
more please. and i thought it turned out awesome, although a bit dramatic for them
Author's Response: Definitely a bit dramatic for them! I hope the end justified it a little. Pretty intense/sad situation, hopefully I can write the rest of it well. Thanks for reviewing! =)
10 [Report This]Date: November 07, 2009 08:58 pm Title: Chapter 8
oh god..... i had a feeling this was happening when her back started hurting. and i'm sad that i was right. :o(
don't say this chapter is cursed... it's really well-written, and i can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading/reviewing. =)
9 [Report This]Date: October 12, 2009 07:43 pm Title: Chapter 2
You should have no worries over your writing. This chapter was lovely x 100. You describe their love so well in so many small ways that add up to so many big and wonderful ways.
Date: September 16, 2009 05:35 pm Title: Chapter 7
Jesus, you have officially killed me. The index card was so amazing and smart and all kinda of awesome!!!!!
Date: September 16, 2009 05:16 pm Title: Chapter 7
Dudeeeeeeeeee this was so amazing. Definitely love me some drunk Jim *happy sigh*
Date: September 16, 2009 03:18 pm Title: Chapter 4
This.Is.So.Good - THUD
Date: September 16, 2009 09:51 am Title: Chapter 7
It's hard to write "happy" but you've done a great job with that here. Anxiously awaiting the next chap, as always.
10 [Report This]Date: September 15, 2009 09:52 am Title: Chapter 7
I was so happy to see this updated. I love that she's so happy, she's crying in the shower. :)
Date: September 15, 2009 04:07 am Title: Chapter 7
I'm the 69th reviewer! Wohoo! Anyway, liking this very much indeed. You've managed to find a balance between scared and excited, and you've done it beautifully. A surprise precnancy is not something to take lightly, but I can really see them reacting this way, even so early on. Particularly Jim. After all, he is not a complainer, and I do believe that as long as he has Pam he's ready to take life as it comes and make the best of it. Pam strikes me more as a worrier, as you've written.
One of my favorite lines was: "Wait, when was my kid an amphibian?" Because it very much sounds like Jim.
Date: September 14, 2009 11:26 pm Title: Chapter 7
::sigh:: I love the idea of Jim and Pam sitting in the office and seeing how their baby is developing...I could actually see this playing out on the show, too.
You've created such intimacy with this story. I love it.
10 [Report This]Date: September 14, 2009 08:42 pm Title: Chapter 7
I really love this story and I'm so happy that it's back :) The scene at the desk is absolutely adorable. Great work!
10 [Report This]Date: September 14, 2009 07:24 pm Title: Chapter 7
Yanana, I was hoping that you would update before the premier. There is much to love about this story, and it keeps getting better (if that's possible). It's so joyful. Jim's parents meeting Pam was like something I daydreamed that you managed to put down in story form. I can't wait until they find out they're going to be grandparents. I know I'm going to have to read this again in the morning because I'm so sleepy right now (past my bedtime). When I saw on my phone that there was an update to this? Well, I had to log on right away if I expected to get any sleep :D I also had to read the prior chap to make sure I didn't forget anything since last time. *sigh* I'm rambling, I know. Just wanted to let you know how happy I am. Sweet dreams for sure :)
10 [Report This]Date: September 14, 2009 04:16 pm Title: Chapter 7
yay, i'm so glad you added a new chapter! lovely as always!
9 [Report This]Date: July 13, 2009 08:06 pm Title: Chapter 6
I can't remember if I've reviewed this or not, so if I have - well, just consider this further encouragement.
Though I've read this scenario once before, you're showing it totally differently and I'm loving. The show and I are are getting a divorce, but fic like this makes me wish it weren't so.
Really can't wait to see what happens next!
10 [Report This]Date: July 02, 2009 11:37 am Title: Chapter 1
I seriously can't stop reading this story. Love it so much! Hope you'll update again soon! :)
Date: July 02, 2009 12:39 am Title: Chapter 6
That was both adorable and sexy as hell. I think the choices you made here were spot on and believable. First off, you managed to do something that few can do -- and that's keep Jim and Pam, Jim and Pam even when they're having uber hot sex. They're still saying things Jim and Pam would say. Also, the backstory you've built for Pam here is completely believable.
This story is a lot of fun! I can't wait for the next installment!
Date: June 30, 2009 10:07 pm Title: Chapter 6
woah pam...thats a good thing =]
Date: June 29, 2009 05:20 pm Title: Chapter 6
whew! steamy! nice work! that's all i got for you!
10 [Report This]Date: June 29, 2009 05:00 pm Title: Chapter 5
no, it's not too unrealistic yet. it's amazingly realistic.
i just realized (and you'll be happy to know this) that each time i finish a chapter and think for a minute what to put in a review, i realize that this is so realistic.
it's frightening realistic, bravo with that.
also, i just wanted to say that if you have any newer stories or chapters you would like someone to beta-read, i'd be more than happy to. just reply to this review and i can give you my email address if you're interested!