9 [Report This]Date: December 12, 2006 02:32 am Title: Chapter 3
And this is why I tend to be more Team Karen - she just goes into it head on. This is a great chapter.
10 [Report This]Date: December 12, 2006 02:25 am Title: Chapter 1
I am soooo loving the premise of this. This is a great start. But hey, what about Karen's reaction?
10 [Report This]Date: December 11, 2006 08:52 pm Title: Chapter 5
Awwwww, very sweet! Love the repeating of the casino night line.
7 [Report This]Date: December 11, 2006 07:37 pm Title: Chapter 2
Guh, the sadness here. I like it that you've written Roy as a sympathetic character, because I think that's more realistic than a two-dimensional lug. And I'm still totally enamored with how you're handling the whole documentary issue here - fascinating stuff, this.
7 [Report This]Date: December 11, 2006 07:33 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh my god, FNB, this is terrific! First of all, I really like the whole watching-the-documentary approach, only it's particularly unique here because it's not so far in the distant future. I can totally imagine Michael hosting viewing parties, and OMG - I was nervous for her about all that the camera caught being revealed!
Terrific work here - off to the next chapter...
Date: December 11, 2006 03:04 pm Title: Chapter 5
I needed you to hear it. Again.
Brilliant solution! I didn't buy the long speeches they gave each other on the couch--I would break those up, insert more long, awkward pauses, make it sound more like Jim and Pam. But replaying the Casino Night confession was a great idea! Totally worked.
And Pam in Jim's lap? Oh, yeah......:D
Date: December 11, 2006 03:01 pm Title: Chapter 4
Leave it to Michael to say that tactfully.
I think if Michael made an announcement like this, Jim would quit on the spot, Pam or no Pam. Bad enough he's humiliated in public by the documentary, but then to have Karen dump him practically in front of the whole office, and Michael come out and underscore it...no. That's too much for anyone, even someone as long-suffering as Jim. I know you worked hard on this part, but I'm not buying it. Maybe if you left out Michael's little speech I might.
Author's Response: Yeah, my first draft didn't have Michael saying that, but my friend that read it said that Michael wouldn't actually have that much tact, so I made it more awkward. Perhaps I need to find a happy medium.
8 [Report This]Date: December 11, 2006 01:43 pm Title: Chapter 1
Yikes! Awkward! And you captured it so well. :)
10 [Report This]Date: December 11, 2006 01:07 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh, this just broke my heart. So sad. You did a great job expressing Pam's panic and confusion over the cameras capturing everything that happened on Casino Night.