10 [Report This]Date: October 29, 2007 07:42 pm Title: Chapter 1
Whoa! That kind of made me breathless (in a good way). I read it in a hurry because that's how it felt. Like he was in a hurry to get over her. Stellar writing, as usual.
10 [Report This]Date: February 23, 2007 07:09 pm Title: Chapter 1
I bow once again before the master. I think someone else already said something about quoting back the whole thing...
Date: January 02, 2007 05:14 pm Title: Chapter 1
That was so beautiful and sad. Very literary, very poetic.
8 [Report This]Date: January 02, 2007 02:46 pm Title: Chapter 1
"...he takes a moment to pretend that he has to reach and reach to even remember what color her eyes were." - I love the loneliness of this line.
10 [Report This]Date: January 02, 2007 03:52 am Title: Chapter 1
This feels like perfect Jim--all of it feels so right, that sense of displacement that accompanies growing-up and moving on. Really loved every bit, particularly the Jim writing Roy's vows in his head, which made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.
8 [Report This]Date: January 01, 2007 09:42 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh that was beautiful. My heart just breaks for him. Well done!!
Date: January 01, 2007 07:23 pm Title: Chapter 1
Sometimes having minimum dialogue kinda bores me but you managed to pull it off insightfully and intriguing. I'm looking forward to him finding out it was cancelled.
Only nitpick: I don't see Jim as a smoker, especially not pot. He isn't "cool" like that. I don't, just not a personalitly trait I see for him...as for Andy, well....(loved Karen's lines about him Btw!)
Date: January 01, 2007 05:56 pm Title: Chapter 1
This was so beautifully sad. I can't believe she didn't respond to the voice mail he left on what he thought was her wedding day. He so deserves his relationship with Karen. I just wish it didn't kill my JAM heart so much!
Date: January 01, 2007 03:15 pm Title: Chapter 1
The details are phenomenal in this - it's like you give us a window inside his brain.
Your Jim almost always makes my heart break - in the very best of ways.
Date: January 01, 2007 02:28 pm Title: Chapter 1
I missed your stories, unfold. This is beautiful and wistful, and your bits of Andy humor were stellar.
10 [Report This]Date: January 01, 2007 01:31 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is really beautiful. You capture his profound sadness, and his amazing efforts for self-preservation, so beautifully. He makes a friend who is someone he doesn't really like, and dates a girl who is nothing really like the girl he loves, but it becomes a lifeline for him. Lovely, and so sad.
10 [Report This]Date: January 01, 2007 12:58 pm Title: Chapter 1
Amazing, just amazing. I had forgotten how lyrical your prose is, as well as what a gift you have for capturing the kind of hell Jim must be going through. I really love this, and I'd be so excited if you did continue it. Way too many brilliant lines to quote in here - but I'll give it a shot and try to narrow it down:
"It doesn’t matter now. He’s tired of losing battles every day and tired of standing still." Yes - I think this is exactly why Jim took the drastic step that he took in transferring.
"Nights are hardest for him, because there’s too much time and empty space." Guh.
The message he left on Pam's phone was heartbreaking (as was his imagining her just tossing the phone aside), and I also really like the way you've introduced his relationship with Karen. The line that he feels more like a spectator than a participant - wow. Insightful, I think.
Oh, and I laughed out loud at his exchange with Karen re: Andy and Cornell. Heh.
Great work - hope you continue it!
Date: January 01, 2007 09:03 am Title: Chapter 1
Really well done. Jim's sense of displacement and making a conscious, but sad, effort to connect...to anything or anyone...to try to re-invent his life is so poignant. Great small moments and details too, as usual.
Date: January 01, 2007 01:15 am Title: Chapter 1
Oh, wow. This is wonderful. I want to quote everything back, but I don't think that's allowed. I love how he tries to forget and how he's forcing himself to be someone else and to carry on with his life. And the flow of this is just lovely.
9 [Report This]Date: December 31, 2006 11:31 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh, unfold, Jim's emotional disconnect here is fantastic - the non-goodbye to Pam, the hanging with Ben, the dinner with Karen.
And the details - the contents of his pockets on Casino Night?
LOVE.