9 [Report This]Date: March 30, 2008 10:12 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hmmmm. Well, I'm kind of torn on the format to be honest. Like you I'm not crazy about a lack of punctuation (as it goes against pretty much everything I believe in) but that in itself doesn't bother me so much here. I can't put my finger on what I don't love about it...but I'm going to think on it a little. However, I can tell you exactly what I do love about it though.
I love that you can read the entire story without the italicized parts and it works and reads cleanly and is good on it's own. I like that the italicized parts are there kind of subverting the conscious thoughts running through Pam's head, underscoring or contradicting and sometimes even mocking what she thinks she means to say. Does that make any sense at all or am I just rambling here? I guess what I'm getting at is that I liked that you were adventurous enough to try something kind of risky like this -- and that, in it's own way, the structure of the piece is almost like art in the way things are juxtaposed (and are often contradictory) to make their point and for the greatest effect, rather than having them flow into one another the way a well-told story usually does.
And I have to admit -- I'd be interested to read the "He" counterpart to this, particularly if you were going to address the very same moments. I always love feeling like you get both sides of the coin, knowing that the real truth lies somewhere between the two. What do you think?
Date: January 13, 2007 07:19 pm Title: Chapter 1
This was done UNBELIEVABLY well.
I love stream-of-consciousness stories, and this one, with it's hold-your-breath ending is just wonderful.
Thank you so much.
cheers.
--Lex
Author's Response: Thank you, Lex!: both for bothering to leave me a review, and telling me what you thought of the story! Thanks for the positivity, too. :) And the hold-your-breath-ness of the ending was exactly what I was shooting for.
8 [Report This]Date: January 13, 2007 06:28 pm Title: Chapter 1
I liked the style you used...it was actually fun to read and placed the emphasises (sp?) where they needed to be.
Author's Response: Luna Mystik, you may be one of the reasons I love this fandom - people like having to try a little to get the full effect of a story. ;) Thank you so much for telling me what you thought of this and leaving me a review!
Date: January 13, 2007 03:05 pm Title: Chapter 1
I liked it! Very welll written it felt composed with sadness and suspense like a song.
Author's Response: The prose-ish poetic-ish feeling was one of the effects I was aiming for, and I'm glad it translated. Thank you so much for telling me what you thought of this!
8 [Report This]Date: January 13, 2007 01:39 pm Title: Chapter 1
Ooh, this was really beautiful. I found I was having to work twice as hard at reading it, trying to see the different levels of meanings that emerged with the italic parts and if I read through like the italics weren't there, and they really add such lovely additional details. This was a really creative way to tell the story. And I love that you leave us in anticipation at the end - holding our breath as much as I'm sure Pam is.
Author's Response: I have to admit I myself didn't try reading the story without the italics, although I suppose it's a pretty natural thing to do. ;) I love that you did, though, and I glad that it paid off!! Thanks so much for leaving your thoughts on the story!
Date: January 13, 2007 05:21 am Title: Chapter 1
I hope you will do He as a follow-up. I always really admire when someone does a story that takes risks with language/structure...I think having to work a little to read something isn't a bad thing - as long as there's a pay-off for the effort. And here, there is. (I know that I've found the edgier stuff I've done the most gratifying to write, even if doing the fluffier stuff has a certain therapeutic effect.)
Too many great lines/thoughts to list, but a couple really sung: She's trying so hard but it doesn't work when he avoids her when he acts the part she gave him: a friend...; and: it's easy to lie again and she nods as she wonders if he's choosing not to see through the lie. Would list a few more, but this would turn into the world's longest review. In any case, really liked this, please do go on!
Author's Response:
He is giving me problems, heh, but I like how people have liked this one, so it may be further motivation to work on it.
I'm glad this format worked for you!: I've taken a liking for stylistic pieces [even though, of course, the fluffier things are 'healing', in a way] and it's nice to know it/what worked! I like long reviews, as my own have probably made you realise, but I realise not everyone has nothing better do with their time. ;) Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this one!
Date: January 12, 2007 09:41 am Title: Chapter 1
I really love the run-on taste to this - I love the format and the italics and the taste of it, if you will. The one comment I would have, however, is that paranthesis may suit a tiny bit better - just because they are sort of a break in the flow, and they may allow the reader to follow along better.
It's just an observation, of course, and this piece is lovely and captures her confusion and turmoil in a fresh light.
Author's Response:
I'm glad the taste appealed to you, and you know what I think of your stories, so your comments are muchly appreciated, as always.
I considered parenthesis for a while, but I decided against it for the same reason you thought it would've worked better - I'm not sure if I wanted it breaking the flow, and italics worked because they managed to highlight the difference yet keep that 'flow of consciousness' thing going, if that makes sense. But I do see why parenthesis may have worked, and I'm considering that for He.
8 [Report This]Date: January 12, 2007 08:36 am Title: Chapter 1
Well, I think you took a definite risk on this writing style and I have to applaud you for that. I really like the concept and the things you've written about here, but to be honest it was just a little hard to follow. I found myself having to read quite a few sentences over again because I was confused. Not to say I didn't enjoy this, because I definitely did, but I thought you should know that it was a little confusing because of the way the italicized words don't necessarily fit (grammatically) in the sentences and the fact that there's not much puncuation to guide you (I was prepared for that, though, by your author's note, so I was expecting it).
I think this was a really great idea and you've definitely done an awesome job with it, but I wanted to let you know what I thought of it in terms of the experimental writing style. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!
Author's Response:
Your constructive critisism's been noted - and appreciated a lot - and I'm glad to know what worked for you, especially since, like you said, this was an experiment. I had a little trouble with making the italicised phrases fit in the story, because I wanted them exactly where I put them, without having the change the following phrases, and I guess that did come across.
The [two ;)] reviews you've written for my [two] stories have always made me smile - thanks so much for taking the time for a review like this!
10 [Report This]Date: January 12, 2007 07:42 am Title: Chapter 1
Oooh, I love this. I love the way it flows, and the beat it has to it.
Can't wait for more.
Author's Response: More only if I can get my muse working with me in terms of He. I'm glad that it flowed, though, and I love that you pointed out the rhythm I was working for. Thanks so much for leaving a review!
Date: January 12, 2007 07:24 am Title: Chapter 1
i think you should definately go with a part two. how would He react? anyway, i really love the way it's written. it's the surface and the thoughts all at the same time. nice.
Author's Response:
I'm glad the way it was written worked for you!! :) I'm having a little trouble with He, but I'm hoping to have its kinks ironed out for the posting in a few weeks.
Thanks for reviewing!!!
9 [Report This]Date: January 12, 2007 05:49 am Title: Chapter 1
I can't tell you how happy I was to see you've written something new!
This is seriously lovely. It's very poetic and I like the strength that you've given to Pam in this. I love that she's being honest with herself. I love that there's a cliffhanger at the end and yes please do a part two!
It's also very original and I find myself more and more loving stories that are not linear, but have more of lyrical or poetic feel. This story has a very smooth, lovely rhythm to it. This is fabulous!
Author's Response:
Strange that you'd call it poetic, considering making things rhyme is not my strong point - eh. Not that all poems rhyme. Forget it. :)
I'm glad it came off well! - I've been starting to love stylistic stories, too, and I'm glad it works for other fans of the style, too.
As always, thanks for the review, 69con! You're awesome.
9 [Report This]Date: January 12, 2007 05:24 am Title: Chapter 1
This is very different but the style works. It underscores what we already know- that what's going on inside of Pam can be very different from what anyone can see. It also jumbles things up a bit, and since I'm sure Pam's brain is in chaos right now, the form follows the content. Really nice, non-traditional work here. Also- I made a very sad sound when I read this line:
and she smiles and smiles and it hurts so she cries.
Author's Response:
I didn't intend to make people make sad sounds but it still ends up being very flattering!
I'm glad the style works, and I love that you've told me what exactly was good about it - thank you so much for bothering to leave me a review!