OHMYGOD. How is this perfect? How did you get inside Dwight's head?
I adored every line of this. Every line. I literally want to quote the entire thing back to you because it was all amazing.
The beginning was incredible. It sounds so much like Dwight, it's scary. The headline made me start cracking up, and I really never stopped through the rest of this.
I think the highlight was the Michael vs. Jim debate. This:
Michael has his advantages, although height isn't one of them. He's better with women than Jim is, but since when is that necessary to take on the universe? Dwight would much rather his partner be able to move objects with his mind than to have sex with his boss.
made me start clapping with glee.
And then this:
He'd be hiding behind a tree wearing a green striped tie and a plaid shirt, and he'd run and jump into his X-Earth that is no match whatsoever for the Great Levitating Trans-Am. Dwight and Jim would chase him around corners and down side streets until smashhh! They'd intercept him at an inters...section. Bits and pieces of metal and glass would go flying everywhere. Dwight would pull him out of his car by the collar, and then Jim would probably say something dumb that nobody would laugh at. But Dwight would laugh, right in Andy's face, because he's pathetic. And a wuss.
My stomach hurts I laughed so hard. It's making me laugh again as I leave this review.
I'm pretty sure this is one of the best Office fics ever. YOU are a fanfic superhero.
!!!!!!!!! [this is my initial reaction]
I. LOVE. YOU.
I was seriously laughing the entire time, so let me quickly quote some of my many favorite lines:
ROBOT MASSACRE FOILED BY DWIGHT K. SCHRUTE.
He's better with women than Jim is, but since when is that necessary to take on the universe?
Women only get in the way, and they cry whenever you want to do cool things like take off in the middle of the night to fight injustice.
Jim could hold the flashlight.
Hahahaha. Seriously you are amazing thank you sooo much! I feel like a rock star with my name at the top too! I have to read this about a dozen more times!
Except if it were a robot he'd have to somehow manage to confuse it, and then while it was spinning in circles, sneak attack!
HAAAAAA!!!! So much funny goodness packed into this story! I hoist you into the air and throw confetti (which is difficult due to the simultaneous hoisting, but necessary) because is the funniest damned thing evaaaaaa!!!!
Hahahaha! This was awesome. Dwight would much rather his partner be able to move objects with his mind than to have sex with his boss. Dwight still thinking that Jim has telekinetic powers is a stroke of genius. Plus, his hate for Andy and his plaid shirts. And just about everything else. You are cool.
Umm, there's (going to be) a better review on LJ but seriously.
HOW DO YOU WIN SO MUCH?
It's poetic in its beauty.
Ah, Dwight. I love you so.
it seems you also have the power- to move me.
interesting, good stuff here. respect.
i love that andy is the bad guy :)
This was great. And hilarious. Okay, first of all: DinkinFlicka is awesome for suggesting a Tenacious D song title. Awesome. Second of all, it fits Dwight perfectly.
I love how Jim is really the only one suitable to be Dwight's sidekick (of course) and how Andy is Dwight's true Arch-Nemesis (I was hoping beyond hope this would be true and then it was!)
Hehe... also... "carry two guns, like in Halo 2." Of course.