10 [Report This]Date: April 20, 2007 04:04 pm Title: Chapter 2
This is really good, but I found some subtle punctuation issues. I'll be a beta-reader if you like, I'm on every day. Reply and I'll give you my e-mail. =]
Date: April 20, 2007 01:26 pm Title: Chapter 2
Wow! Another great chapter, Dao. I can't wait for the next chapter to come out, you've got me hooked into the story. Again, Great job on the chapter
Date: April 20, 2007 10:10 am Title: Chapter 2
Oh it just keeps getting better and better. Good name for the daughter too, though that's my dog's name, and now I can't get the image of a brown puppy out of my head when I read this story hehe.
Your pacing of this story is great and I can't wait to see where it's going. Great work!
Date: April 20, 2007 10:02 am Title: Chapter 2
Daoust, I'm really enjoying this. Jim and Pam are well written and I'm starting to think that maybe you're not gonna rip my heart out after all. ha ha! So...win win!
Date: April 20, 2007 09:25 am Title: Chapter 2
i like this - i hope you keep on wrirint more - i am sad that jim has a daughter with evil karen though - i like to imagine little jam babies!
Date: April 20, 2007 08:16 am Title: Chapter 2
Hmmm...okay, now I really have to know what's going on. I really like the way that you've presented Pam in this fic, struggling with her feelings, but still being a good person.
Thanks so much.
cheers.
--Lex
Date: April 20, 2007 07:52 am Title: Chapter 2
Nice story. I'm guessing Karen and Jim are divorced. Hoping anyway!
There are some definite spelling errors and such in your story, you may want to ask someone to beta if you didn't already. Plus, I think Pam envisioned herself as the mother of Jim's kids, not the father.
I like the little daughter; she seems pretty much like a regular kid (hiding behind Daddy's legs, etc.) - very realistic.
Ooh, maybe he never married Karen, but she was pregnant when they left Scranton! They've been sharing custody, but not living quarters, all this time. Yeah, I like that one!
I'm interested to see where this goes next.
Author's Response: Thanks for the comments, Kev. Yeah, there probably were a few more spelling and grammar errors in this chapter than the last one. It was published a little quicker. I do have a three year old daughter of my own, so I hope I have a few of the mannerisms down. Thanks again!
Date: April 20, 2007 07:29 am Title: Chapter 2
Hmm. Now you have me intrigued by Jim AND Karen! But I loved how despite Pam's upset, that she and Jim just naturally drifted back into smiles and banter. *sigh*
Go Pam, wearing her hot jeans again! Yay!
Can't wait for more!
Date: April 20, 2007 05:31 am Title: Chapter 2
Nicely done, Daoust. I'm anxious to see the backstory of what's going on with Jim and Karen; keep the chapters coming! --CH