Date: August 27, 2010 08:51 pm Title: I'd rather take a blow, at least then I would know
I've been keeping up with this story, but haven't been very good at commenting. I've been busy with finals, but knew I had to catch up on my reviews. I'll try to be better in the future. I'm enjoying this story and can't wait for more :)
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm looking forward to hearing from you and am glad to have you along. Good luck with finals!
Date: August 27, 2010 02:24 pm Title: It's a magical existence
You're such a master at inserting little details into your prose in such an incredibly fluid way. Like these (emphasis mine):
She nods, dragging a French fry through the pool of ketchup and taking a playfully dainty bite.
“What,” he drawls, around a mouthful of fries, “is a Schrute Buck?” He swallowed, leaving a trace of ketchup at the corner of his mouth. “Or do I even want to know?"
Over the time you've beta'd for me, you've helped me to get somewhat better at this but you make it look so effortless! You've packed this little chapter with so much detail, so many little wandering thoughts that the two of them have. I just love it.
Author's Response: Thank you! I feel like Jim and Pam are not a couple who overstate their feelings. They aren't about elaborate speeches or grandiose gestures, so I feel like so much of what they express to each other is in the small gestures or the tone of the voice. In terms of Jim shoving French fries into his mouth, I just guessed he'd be at ease enough with her to stuff his face. I'm so glad you enjoy the details. It's fun to picture them and then try to capture it in words. Thank you for your support!
10 [Report This]Date: August 26, 2010 09:36 pm Title: It's a magical existence
First-date fic is my FAVORITE kind of fic, and it's rare to encounter a new one at this point in the snow. It's even rarer to encounter such a good one. A+. Can't wait to read the rest!
Author's Response: Thank you, and glad to have you along for the ride. Thanks for the A+ too. I don't know that I ever actually got one when I was in school.
Date: August 26, 2010 04:50 pm Title: It's a magical existence
Hands down this is the best story you've written. Every single chapter just keeps on getting better and better. I'm so excited when you update. I have to agree with you, I think their first date would definitely have consisted of lighter and heavier moments. The mention of the booze cruise got me good.
You're so amazing with description, I can picture everything you say so perfectly. God, I love this!
Author's Response: Thank you! Their "when did you know you liked me" scene on the roof made me think that they've probably had a bit of rose colored glasses reminiscence.
10 [Report This]Date: August 26, 2010 03:15 pm Title: It's a magical existence
this is truly my favorite story you've written. I just can't get enough of the serious/fun they keep having. I really always thought this was how their first date went down. more, more, more!
Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I'm glad it has a sense of truth for you. There are so many great first date fics out there, so I really wanted to present one that seemed plausible. I appreciate your thoughts.
Date: August 26, 2010 01:51 pm Title: It's a magical existence
Sheer perfection with this one. Even though there was bound to be some tension with these two the fact remains they were bestfriends for years. You write that so naturally and believeable. I love reliving this night with you.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad to have you along for the journey.
10 [Report This]Date: August 26, 2010 10:07 am Title: It's a magical existence
This is all so super lovely, Ivy. I love the Booze Cruise mention, it seems so natural.
I absolutely loved this “I know it’s crazy, Mom,” she’d confided to her mother in a fit of Cabernet-and-emotion-fueled over honesty, “but I keep thinking about going to a drive-thru with Jim. Just eating chicken fingers and milkshakes in the car, listening to some stupid CD or something. How ridiculous is that?” because it reminded me of them sitting in the car listening to "That One Night," during Dinner Party. That was so brilliant of you to include.
I really love that he leans across the table to kiss her, and I love that he tells her he likes doing it too. The flow is outstanding, the images you've created are so vivid in my mind while I'm reading. Super super great stuff, I love this so so much! I know I keep saying this, but again, this is perfect.
Author's Response: I thought of that scene too. I'm glad you conjured it as well. I kind of pictured the kiss as being like the pre-wedding one in Niagara, only in a diner. Thank you so much for your lovely thoughts.
Date: August 26, 2010 09:45 am Title: It's a magical existence
I agree with you about their first date consisting of lighter and heavier moments. They were trying to emerge from this dark place they had fallen into while attempting to rekindle their badly damaged friendship hoping to move on to totally unchartered territory. That's a heavy load. I think you are conveying this complexity quite well. I am thoroughly enjoying the ride. Thanks for writing.
10 [Report This]Date: August 26, 2010 06:31 am Title: It's a magical existence
What a delightful way to start the day! Ivy, to borrow a phrase, this was magically delicious :D The dialog is perfect and adorable and makes my heart speed up a bit. I can envision every gesture. Surely you know that I absolutely adore the flashback of Pam's conversation with her mom <3<3<3 I love the way you reference past events like the dinner on the roof and the booze cruize. It feels organic and subtle, not heavy-handed, if that makes sense.
“I like doing that,” he whispers, like it’s a secret. ::fans self:: As simple as it is, holy guacamole, that's hot!
I want this to go on forever.
10 [Report This]Date: August 25, 2010 11:24 pm Title: It's a magical existence
Aw, I definitely love the lighter tone and I adore all your descriptions of their flirtatious body language like She nods, dragging a French fry through the pool of ketchup and taking a playfully dainty bite. I can picture it all so vividly in my head and it's beautiful :)
I do have two favourite bits:
She swats at his hand, but in truth, she loves that he is stealing food off her plate. It’s just so…intimate.
It is such an initmate act and yet so much fun as well.
And then he says it again: “I like kissing you.” And his cheeks are red, and so are hers, and this, she thinks, this is what a first date feels like, all blushy and pink. But then again, she likes that the whole night hasn’t been this. They’ve never been typical, she and him.
I love this part for two reasons - the idea of him just leaning over to kiss her simply because he can is obviously sweet but then how enjoys telling her this because he's allowed to now is even sweeter. And also that last line is a wonderful summary of this whole WIP. Because like you said at the beginning, there are these fun parts that make them giggle and blush but we've had serious discussions. That's how I've always imagined their first date and it's certainly how I've imagined their relationship. Atypical but perfectly them nonetheless.
Author's Response: Thank you! I questioned whether to have Jim take that liberty, but then thought based on his "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that" that he might be a bit giddy almost about the fact that it's not utterly forbidden. Are there any interviews out there that might give us insight into how their first date went in the context of the show? I'd love to know whether the writers or actors think Jim and Pam kissed on their first date.
10 [Report This]Date: August 25, 2010 10:31 pm Title: It's a magical existence
This chapter is absolute perfection.
I was going to stop there, but I just had to say that the diner (or something like that) was just the most beautiful setting for the end of their first date. I don't know how it's possible for a diner to seem so romantic, but it just does. Probably because it's filled with Jim and Pam's humor, charm, smiles and playful banter. This was just so lovely - and the conversation was wonderful. The twists and turns, quick subject changes, and laughter pauses could've been awkward and hard to read, but you just made it so engaging, fun and it really drew me in. I really felt like I was there, watching them from a counter stool while drinking a rootbeer or something like that. Amazingly well done and I look forwards to more.
P.S. Have you ever written a proposal story? I'll go check your profile page... anyways, I am now fantasizing about a proposal (in a different setting than a gas station) that you'd write. I'm sure it would be amazing, with your talent for imagery. Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! And I'd love to be on the next stool (a root beer sounds amazing by the way... ooh, or a float).
The only proposal scene I've written was in my story "In My Life, I Love You More," but it was a direct take off on the proposal scene on the show. That's definitely something to consider, however. I shall have to be sure to include a proposal scene in a future story, and I hope I won't let you down!
10 [Report This]Date: August 25, 2010 09:48 pm Title: It's a magical existence
Utter perfection! Kid, you are getting better and better! Well, except for the waffles and french fries. I'm afraid that, my dear, is just gross.
Mr. Blood is scolding me to go to bed. Better review tomorrow...
Author's Response: I should be asleep too. Dentist appointment in 5.5 hours!! I've never eaten waffles and French fries, but I can imagine Jim and Pam eating a terribly unhealthy combination together, because they don't have to impress each other. I'm certain, however, that it's a viable combination at the Waffle Houses here. Actually, I think that's waffles and hash browns.
Date: August 24, 2010 08:26 am Title: A boy on the bridge, standing over the reservoir
You with the songs, ivy! Now I can't get "Take Five" out of my head :D
Guh. Another chap that I love so very much and that makes me feel very emotional. The two of them in the car alone, driving aimlessly is another great touch. His fingers move a little faster on the wheel, as if he’s playing Thelonious Monk or Dave Brubeck, and he raises his other hand off his leg to push it through his hair. Another one of those simply perfect details. These confessions in the car give me chills.
But then again, without Stamford and Roy and the butterflies and the knot, without all of it, the simplicity of a parked car, a rainstorm, an old blanket in the grass, a stolen kiss, a knock at a door, a smile, a question, might not have seemed like so much. And it was. It was all so, so much. Gorgeous.
But that’s not all you are,” he goes on. “You have…no idea how much you are.” The sincerity makes my heart hurt.
"More, more, more!" screamed the greedy reader.
Author's Response: Nan, thank you! Trying to capture what they must have been feeling that night is wonderfully fun, but a challenge, and I'm so grateful for your lovely encouragement.
Date: August 24, 2010 06:44 am Title: Aujourd'hui, ca commence avec toi
Back with a proper review, ivy.
He reaches out with one arm and a question in his eyes and she nods, almost imperceptibly. That's a great detail IMHO. The idea that they keep going back and forth between wanting to just drown in each other and then being afraid of the contact is quite in tune with their personalities and the awkwardness that pervades their navigating the waters on this first date that's really not a first date at all. I think that "Would you change things?" was the theme of the entire year between Jim's confession and his return from NYC. I love Jim's reminiscing over his past history and how he could have been a better man. Although we're pretty sure that he's a good guy, it's nice to know that he's not perfect. It makes him much more interesting.
“You never lost me,” he says quietly and she reaches up to press two fingers to his lips, silencing him...“But I thought I had,” she says, “and so did you. It’s okay.” *sigh* I like that, I really do. You've made it seem like they're the only two people in the world, and that's so romantic.
Looking forward to re-reading the next chap. I'll be back!
Author's Response: Nan, you're a star. I love your assessment that it's a "first date that's really not a first date at all." And yes, Jim is definitely not perfect. Oh, random, but bless you so many times over for not saying "could of." Pet peeve. I also agree that "would you change things" was a season 3 theme. Because while we (and they) maybe wished it was different at the time, where they went took them to a really good place. And if they needed that time, well, they needed it.
10 [Report This]Date: August 22, 2010 08:32 am Title: A boy on the bridge, standing over the reservoir
I love this! All of it. It's perfect. Sorry not much of a review but that's what I thought all the way through this chapter. Perfect.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm discovering one of the reasons we might not have actually seen the first date onscreen is that it's a real challenge to capture the emotions they must have been feeling that night. Though that's still the offscreen Jim/Pam moment I wish we'd seen the most.
Date: August 22, 2010 05:54 am Title: A boy on the bridge, standing over the reservoir
This is most definitely worth my time, God, this just keeps getting better and better with each update.
I love how Jim hid out in Target, not wanting to hear why Pam was sad, that was just so painful.
I loved both of these lines SO much.
“I couldn’t have taken another speech about how much you valued my friendship.” - I could hear him saying this, hear the ain in his voice as he admitted this.
“But that’s not all you are,” he goes on. “You have…no idea how much you are.” - Guh, GORGEOUS. It's like he can't help himself saying something ike this to her, he needs her to know! and her response... PERFECT. That whole scene was just so inense and beautiful.
I cannot wait for the next part, and more stories from you. You truly are one of my absolute favourites on here
Author's Response: Thank you, and thank you for talking me through those scenes! It really helped, and I'll be happy to do the same for you.
Date: August 22, 2010 12:22 am Title: A boy on the bridge, standing over the reservoir
my thoughts? my thoughts are that this is great and i would like to read more. i have no criticism that i want to give you right now, because i read it so quickly and so greedily that i'm upset at myself for doing so. so just write more. this is my favorite of anything you've written.
Author's Response: Haha, thanks! I've got the next chapter in my head, more or less (spoiler alert: less angsty), so it should be out fairly soon, once I iron out the details. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
Date: August 21, 2010 11:53 pm Title: Why can't we give love one more chance?
I'm really enjoying this. I love the serene rhythm of their dialogue and the way they feel stung at times by what they're saying to each other, yet accept that it needs to be said.
And of course I LOVE that Jim saw Pam at Target and hid. It's something that so easily could have happened.
Looking forward to reading more!
Author's Response: Is it odd that the first thing I thought when I read your review was "it's been so long since I've heard anyone use the word serene!"? Sorry, I'm a bit odd, I know. I'm glad you approve of the choices I'm making with their conversation. I don't think they are confrontational types, but I also think they were at the point where they weren't going to sweep the past under the rug and pretend it didn't happen. Thank you so much and hope to hear from you again.
10 [Report This]Date: August 21, 2010 08:53 pm Title: A boy on the bridge, standing over the reservoir
Oh, wow. I love their little post season 2 stories. Jim hiding it out in Target because she looked so sad and then Pam driving to Stamford....okay you have to now write fics about those two instances. Having said that, they're both right. I doubt they could've said anything meaningful to each other, it would've been nervous bumblings at best! But then Jim telling Pam he needs her? Saying "You have...no idea how much you are." *swoon*
Especially when Pam follows it up with "I'm hungry". Aw, such a classy pair ;)
The slow and beautiful development is wonderful and I can't wait for more. Sorry this review isn't as long as the last one, I really must dash!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Jess. There have been so many great first date fics, it's been a great challenge to try to come up with something that hasn't been done before. I'm so glad you liked the conversation; I was really trying to come up with something honest and heartfelt but not too soapy and gushy. I love trying to write this couple honestly because they seem to say so much with so little. Thank you so much for continuing to share your thoughts.
Date: August 21, 2010 08:49 pm Title: A boy on the bridge, standing over the reservoir
This one just keeps getting better and better. The twists and turns you are coming up with are fantastic. I look forward to more soon.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your encouragement. The twists and turns are fun to come up with. I hope you'll continue to enjoy.
10 [Report This]Date: August 21, 2010 08:48 pm Title: A boy on the bridge, standing over the reservoir
i loved this chapter. so honest and true. and i truly believe that they do "need" each other but are learning that that isn't all they are. i think it rings true for all couples. beautiful.
Author's Response: Thank you so much. One of my favorite quotes from Rilke: "Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole." I think it really applies to Jim and Pam. As much as some of the stuff they went through sucks, I think they know they had to go through it. Thank you for your thoughts!
10 [Report This]Date: August 21, 2010 04:40 pm Title: A boy on the bridge, standing over the reservoir
Ah, ivy, you're going to think I'm a total dork when I tell you that I've been away on vacation--a great vacation during which I was determined to "unplug"--yet every day I wondered whether you had updated this story. So, the good news is that I returned home to two updates. The bad news is that I'm totally spoiled now! I could keep reading. I can't gush enough about this. I'm itching to give you a detailed review but, alas, I'm on my son's Mac right now and am much less comfortable than on my own laptop. I'll drop you a line in the next few days. Suffice it to say, that I am still totally diggin' this :D
Author's Response: Welcome back, Nan! Congrats on unplugging. I'm always tempted and never seem to succeed. I'll look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Date: August 21, 2010 02:14 pm Title: A boy on the bridge, standing over the reservoir
i love how you used that isnt a movie thing..=')
you're killing me with this XD
so..when are they taken there wet clothes off 8-)
Author's Response: Haha. Sadly, a spring storm plus warm air caused the clothes to dry pretty quickly. Annoying, isn't it?
Date: August 21, 2010 11:39 am Title: A boy on the bridge, standing over the reservoir
Wow. See,this is the kind of first date detail these two characters deserve. If we're to accept the official 'canon' that he bought the ring a week later, there must have been a thousand of these kind of little moments you've so carefully written here.
Author's Response: Thank you, Jenny :-) I feel like this night must have been filled with so many different emotions, wanting to move past the hurt but having to acknowledge it but not dwell on it... I wish they'd have shown us how it went on screen because it's such an important turning point. Your thoughts are so appreciated.
Date: August 21, 2010 11:14 am Title: Why can't we give love one more chance?
Wow. This is just wonderful Ivy. There have been a lot of first date fics but the way you've paced this makes it feel fresh again. I love the fact that Jim saw her over the summer and that he wanted to tell her - he knows he doesn't have to but he wants to - just lovely.
It's so clear how much they've learnt from the past year - whereas previously their conversation really would have consisted of 'umm... ahh' (love them lightening the mood by thinking of what they'd have said to each other btw!), now they both seem to want to work through the past and move forward.
Really intrigued as to where this goes next. You've really captured both their voices and demeanour - love it. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I kind of hate the writers for not showing us what must have been a major turning point in the Jim and Pam story, but I also love stories that leave us imagining how things could have gone. Considering everywhere they had been and have gone since then, all the changes, I've been trying to capture the swirl of emotions I think must have been going on that night, so I'm so glad you think it's working. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me so much. Thank you.