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I love this story, thank you for keeping us updated as often as you are. Really enjoying where you're going with it.

WOW!!! Just the moment I have been wanting so desperstely, waiting for so impatiently and praying for with guarded hope ever since Pam told Jim she wasn't pregnant and then disappeared back in chapter three. You certainly did not disappoint. This was in a word, A-MAZ-ING!!!!

I have to say, I just couldn't see how you could pull off this first time they saw each other again without there being any conflict and without there being anger, accusations and raised voices. I also wondered, especially when it stated that Jim was headed for his parent's house, just how daddy dear was going to be stopped from interferring with the reunion. You,,, I mean... well... are you magic? How in the world did you come up with what is probably THE ONLY way that this could have happened without the things I mentioned happening?! I mean, dad being out of town is so great and the fact that it is only until that evening, well, that makes it PERFECT because I am absolutely CERTAIN that Jim has a thing or two that he would like to 'discuss' with his father (I'm thinking the phrases 'die a painful, miserable, lonely death' and 'I hope you rot in hell' should be used. ) and I don't think Jim is going to want to wait for the 'discussion' with Gerry. So the next obstacle is Jim needing to find out where Pam lives and a way he can not only go there but also get her to see him. SO SO perfect that Betsy happens to be on her way out to go visit at that very moment and I had to laugh a bit. His mom seems in so many way oblivious to many things. Like her talking to Jim on the phone in Australia all about a shower for someone that is as far as Jim knows a stranger and his mom doesn't notice he has zero interest. Then Jim calls, I am sure on the edge of hysteria asking all sorts of questions about this girl and the baby, mom doesn't notice he is upset or how unusual it is for Jim to be THAT interested or want so many details about a girl he doesn't know and her baby. So, it stands to reason that when Jim shows up, exhausted from a long flight she doesn't notice that she not only NOT cancel her plans but INSISTS that she keeps them and then in a move that I am absolutely certain should have raised a mega sized red flag making Betsy ask what's going on, Jim insists on going along to these people's house who are complete strangers to him, and again mom notices nothing. I have to wonder if Betsy, because of all the years she has lived with and had to deal with Gerry who I am sure is an insensitive clod, I wonder if because of that she has trained herself to not notice things, just be willfully oblivious.

Anyhow, you just wrote EVERYTHING about the scene at the Anderson house so perfectly. You know, when Adele says she was just on her way to go check on 'my Cecilia' I couldn't help but react with one of my gut instincts, thinking, 'hey, NOT YOUR Cecelia! Funny, I didn't even notice until I read through it the second time that Jim actually reacted that way. Who can blame him? He now knows in his heart that this woman is NOT in fact biologiacally related to the baby, but I have to believe it hurts for him to know that she not only 'knows' his baby whe he, himself, doesn't, but she is also close enough to her to feel at ease using the term 'my Cecilia.' My heart really broke for Jim thinking about this. It made me once again think about just how much Jim's dad has stolen from Jim, and Pam, and actually from Cecilia too and I am convinced all over again of just how totally evil that man is. All I can figure is that he must have made a deal with the devil at some point and sold him his very soul somewhere along the way. He so obviosly is lacking some basic human emotions like caring, compassion, empathy and certainly he doesn't have that, whatever it is that we get when we become parente, it forces us to want nothing but sheer ahppiness for our kids and makes us willing to do what it takes to get that for them. In Gerry it seems like THOSE feelings and emotions are reserved for his money.

Anyow, getting back to inside the Anderson house... you set this up so nicely... actually, rather than nicely I would say PERFECTLY! Having Pam out of the house taking a walk, at first I didn't think anything of it but then in thinking over the chapter I realized that it was just the most perfect move for two reasons. First and I didn't realize I would feel do strong about this but Jim needed to be able to see and look at the baby all alone when he saw her for the first time. That first meeting I feel helps set up his emotions and feelings for the baby and he needed it to be quiet and peaceful. It needed to happen without the drama that I am sure is coming and without accusations, even if those accusations are only in a person's eyes or body language. Having Jim seperate hiself from the others by asking for the bathroom was brilliant. I think he was probably hoping to bump into Pam or something so that when he saw her again for the first time it wouldn't be in front of an audience. So, excusing himself to go and even just think about how he wanted to handle things was really smart. I adore that as Jim left the bathroom, even though he had been apart from Pam for solong at this point, he still recognised and reacted to her smell immediately. It felt to me like even though he had no business opening doors in someone else's house, this was PAM's smell and he needed to be were it was, immerse himself in her smell and probably some thoughts/memories of her before actually confronting the reality of it all head on. It was all just so perfect how you have him entering the room, remembering her smell and then first just realizing there was something new added to her smell and realing it was the addition of the baby and right after that realizing that he notices the crib and it just seems to hit him that the baby, HIS baby, is right there, right in that bed. I don't think he could help himself at this point even if he wanted to. He just NEEDS to see his daughter, see that she is, in fact, real. I can just see it all so clearly in my mind, him standing at the crib, reaching out to run his hand over her cheek because he neeeded to feel that she was real and then standing there staring at her, fighting back tears, probably for all he had done and all he had missed and also probably because he is afraid of how Pam is going to react to him and doesn't know if she'll even let him be partof their daughter's life. But even more sad to me is Jim staring, afraid the baby will disappear if he looks away.

Then finally...FINALLY, our wonderful couple see each other again. How confusing for Pam to open her bedroom door and there he is much like I would imagine she had dreamed he would be, many, MANY times. He's in her room, looking at their baby. I like that in her surprise she says 'Oh my God!' I assume that is a callback to the phone call in the initiation, right? Again, I can picture her losing her grip on the water and it rolling away even as she struggles with believing he really is there much the same way he had struggled moments ago. Of course at that point her she remembers her fears and the terror kicks into high gear. She already had a large fear of losing her child to his family but then Roy had mentioned it I think last chapter and I have a feeling that seeing that this fear was something that was very alive and active inside Pam, I would imagine Roy would have decided to use it to his advantage. I can see him suggesting things about Pam losing Cecelia to the father should he ever find out and also saying just how angry the dad will be that Pam kept the baby from him, Roy doing this all in the interest of breaking through Pam's defenses and getting her to marry him. If he can't get her to actually feel something for him, well, he'll do it through fear if that's the only way he can. I think he wants to make sure that she never decides she wants Cece's dad involved in her life. I can see him suggesting to Pam that if she marries him and allows him to be Cece's daddy, then he will be able to protect her... to protect both of them.

I can understand Pam not wanting to have that discussion there at the Anderson house. At the same time, I wish it HAD happened right then, on the spot because with her being surprised and stuff she didn't have time to build up her defenses. I think she would have truly had a discussion from her heart. I worry about there being time for her to think. I also have a small worry that she's going to show up at Jim's hotel with Roy. PLEASE let me be wrong. I want VERY much to be wrong. I LOVED that when Jim really looked Pam in the face, because he knows her so well he was able to see that the terror in her face. I ADORE what he did, moving to her, using his hands to gently frame her face as he whispers and asks her what she's afraid of. I like that Pam maked it clear to him that her fear is having Cece taken from her which should help Jim really understand why she took off and never told him about their child to begin with. I have to admit, the single tear rolling down his cheek as he asked, she's mine, isn't she? threatened to break my heart! The way all she could do is nod, all the sorrow and fear and such they are expressing makes it so clear that all the hurt, all the pain they have heaped on each other not to mention the torture of being apart, of Jim not being there for such important things and Pam having to go through them without the love of her life, it all just starts adding up and you can only hope that through this they will each see all the mistakes that they themselves have made in order to protect themselves. Hopefully they'll each see that in being so in love they made the fatal mistake of retreating from each other when things were shaken up and their worlds became unsteady because of Jim's dad. I hope they'll be able see through the muddy waters here and see that they should have come together and talked this all out, that's what people in love do. Instead they tried to outrun the hurt and they both learned that outrunning it simply wasn't possible. It kept up with them the entire time.

I just wanted to be able to take Jim in MY arms and comfort him because my heart broke when he said 'a daughter' and then thought... my little girl. So sweet... and heartbreaking for a guy who is just dinding out he has a child who he was denied knowing of her existence. The way you described his reaction, it's like Pam actually acknowledging it, even though he really already knew it, when it came from her it seemed to break him a bit. I think in part because he KNOWS that she did the only thing she could in getting away from him after how he reacted when she originally told him she was pregnant. He knows that he did this to himself really (well, actually his dad did it to him but he allowed what his dad told him to affect his behavior and the way he treated the woman he is in love with.) and I think THAT is what broke him... caused him to go limp. I'm glad they got a few things out.. him asking her why she lied, I think he kinda knew in his heart or at least knew that his behavior had really scared her. Anyhow, I'm glad that she was honest and told him that she was scared that he would take her. I like his reaction... I imagined him being somewhat baffled when he asked 'why would I do that?'

I ADORE how you wrote the next part... how when Cece started to cry Jim was immediately concerned and I could really picture him standing there with Pam, his big hand covering Cece's back and I really enjoyed knowing that Cece was getting to know the gentle touch and the dound of her daddy, someone who I KNOW is going to become SO important in her life! I love how in that moment with them standing there together, Jim with his hand moving on her back, they began the healing process. It's so very Jim that he is concerned first that nothing is wrong as far as why she was currently crying but then went on to inquire in general, he wanted to make certain that his baby girl was okay. Once he knew the baby was okay, he needed to know that Pam was okay as well. Then of course he needed to inquire as to the finger and toe count like all new parents so. LOVE Pam saying about al 12 toes because if she can be lighthearted, then they have real hope and the healing has begun.

I felt so sad for Jim when Roy came home and Pam began insisting he had to go. I was really sad for him when he said he wasn't leaving because he wasn't willing to risk losing her again. :o( I am really REALLY glad that he feels so very strongly about telling her everything. Thing is, I think he'll be surprised that he has things to learn, like how long is dad has known just where Pam is and that his Parents went to his daughter's baby sower, he didn't get to and even worse, they saw Cece fairly soon after her birth. I am really very anxious to see how that conversation goes. I was really glad to find out that Jim is not staying at his family's home but rather in a hotel. That made me happy because I have a feeling that it has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that he has pieced together all of his father's strange behavior and knows now that his dad totally played him and that his dad denied him the experience of seeing his daughter born all because his dad has ridiculous standards and want Jim to marry a high class snobby plastic woman. He decided sight unseen, never having met Pam that she wasn't good enough for Pam and the family. Anyhow, I have a feeling that his family will be very upset when they find out that Jim is staying at a hotel but good for Jim. How absolutely awful am I that I'm hoping that after Jim and Pam talk and argue, accuse, cry, scream and makeup... next they will fall into bed and make things all better or at least start to get better. I think Jim and Pam communicate best that way. What??? Why are you looking at me strangely??? Nothing wrong with hoping my favorite couple can make each other feel better than either has felt in 9 or so months!

I love Pam assuring Jim that she isn't going anywhere and after hesitating about meeting him at his hotel, a look at their baby's hand grasping her daddy's finger seemed to melt her a bit and se agreed to it. WHen he dipped his head telling her again that he needs to tell her everything I was SO hoping for a steamy kiss, I don't think there's a chance Pam would have resisted. My heart hurt some again when he said 'don't leave, okay?' Then I again melted when he bent and cruched a kiss to Cece's closed fist and told Pam he's be waiting.

So I'm wondering if some stuff with Roy is going to come into play. I think Jim has made it clear tat he doesn't have any intentions of taking Cece from Pama and also I thought it was pretty clear that while Jim is hurting badly over all of this, he doesn't seem to be angry at Pam. Given that and the fact that it was clear, even to Pam I'm sure, that she is still madly in Love with Jim. He is the love of her life and well,she doesn't need Roy. She doesn't need protected from Jim (though I BET Roy will try to convince her Jim was lting or something) and she certainly doesn't need love from Roy. I think it was very apparent that Jim is still deeply in love with her and I think not onl could she see his regrets in his face, she also could hear them each time he said he wanted to tell her everything. I think when she hears what Jim has to say, she will very much wish he had talked to and trusted her and she'll be upset over some things like him lying about his parent's being dead and his last name BUT,Pam is understanding and compassionate with everyone, Jim won't be an exception. Actually, I think she will really hurt for that hurting man inside him that thought that he had no other option but to run away. Actually she should be able to relate to that!

I mean... just.... WOWWWWW!!! You just so constantly amaze and blow me away! This story is so unique and painful yet has the possibility poking through now that it could become very very happy!

How you continue to be so brilliant chapter after chapter, story after story... I'll never know. I guess we're just really lucky!

Now... patience isn't a virtue of mine and I am crazy expectant about these next few chapters so I want them like, ummm... NOW! What are you doing reading when you should be busy writing??? HUH??

Seriously though... you rock!

*Hugs* T~

You make me so happy. I really do love how you know how to keep up on the edge of our seat. I have never finished a chapter thinking without thinking, "omg what is going to happen?"

I'm SO happy she's admitted the baby is his and that she has agreed to meet him. Just, Roy, please do not ruin this for them LOL.

I hope she lets him explain everything :(