Dwight soon left the conference room to change back into his regular clothes. He was to await further instructions from Jim at his desk, with the jeans now safely tucked under Pam's chair. Using an abandoned pad of Post it notes, Jim and Pam quickly went about drafting the plan for Operation Samuel L. Chang. (Previously rejected names included: The Net, Oscar (for the garbage can) and Ivel. (Levi backwards. Pam thought it sounded like Evil. Jim thought it sounded vampiric.) They both believed the plan to be relatively simple and fool proof. Unfortunately, like many ill-fated plans, it was neither.
Step 1: Torment Dwight into thinking he stole Michael's jeans. Bonus points if he genuinely starts believing he did it. Casually remind him how upset he was by Threat Level Midnight.
Step 2: Convince Dwight the jeans must be thrown out again, in order for "Michael's" original plan to come to fruition.
Step 3: Tell Dwight he cannot stay the night and watch the trash can, no matter how stealthfully, as the ring of identity thieves know of his existence and will not show up if he is watching. Try suggesting that most crime families are born with an innate fear of the name Dwight Schrute... Say you read it on the internet. He is better off standing guard outside of Michael's condo with his pepper spray, just in case. Side note: Perhaps create a wikipedia site on Dwight's prowess as a criminal hunter. First, check to see whether he has done so already. Side side note: A paranoid Dwight should not be put out on the streets with pepper spray. Instead suggest numchucks.
Step 4: Promise to leave the web cam on so that the intruder(s) will be recorded. Be shocked! when the intruders "accidentally" delete the file.
Step 5: Keep Dwight away from Michael.
Step 6: Keep Michael away from Dwight.
Step 7: Procure/Seize the evidence from the trash can after everyone else has gone home. Dispose of them in a manner fit to a pair of "fun jeans." Side note: Jim votes for "procure". Pam votes for "seize". A tiebreaker will be decided at lunch. "Take" has been proposed as an acceptable compromise.
Step 8: Accuse Dwight of stealing the jeans again, since he knew about the web cam. Bonus points if he starts to fear that he really might have. A can of Coke if he checks his car, just in case.
Step 9: Convince Michael that Dwight stole his jeans.
Upon closer review, the plan does seem rather complicated, not to mention the fatal lack of a Step 10. The phone was ringing nonstop while they were stuck on Step 9, and further plotting then seemed pointless when they realized Dwight was already in with Michael, harassing him about Jan. A Schrute diversionary tactic no doubt. Jim went on Dwight patrol and Pam assumed her position by the phone, carefully typing up Steps 1-9. And so Jim and Pam split up, with every intention of continuing at lunch.
Unfortunately, by 9:26am, somewhere between "swaying isn't dancing" and "at least I didn't leave you at a high school hockey game", it became clear that neither Pam nor Jim had any intention of speaking to the other for the rest of the day. Which, in retrospect probably guaranteed the plan's complete failure by Step 7.
***
Considering the shocking silence between our favorite twosome, the first six steps went surprisingly well. Jim threw all of his energy into distracting both Michael and Dwight, with the still unspecified Michael/Jan incident serving as a perfect (if slightly nauseating) distraction for all parties. Pam quickly checked the Wikipedia page on Dwight and slipped in there his legendary status among Pennsylvania's crime families. (it was still there when last she checked... bringing truth to the masses) Later she even took a turn babysitting Michael, when it seemed certain he was going to continue sulking indefinitely. At that point the cameras had given up for the day, perhaps slightly exhausted by Michael, but mostly just bored by the silent Jim and Pam.
And by 4:00pm, Pam was starving, having missed both her lunch and her usual lunch buddy. The second bag of chips had done little to help the rumbling, she was running out of change, and she was getting even madder at Roy for the failed hockey date of a decade's pass. Essentially, she just wanted to go home, make some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and watch Charmed.
At 4:30pm Michael whimpered that he was heading out early, mumbling something unintelligible about Awesome Blossoms and Mr. Bubble. Dwight soon followed, promising to stand guard by Michael's condo and ward off criminals, and just as importantly, keep an eye out on the depressed Michael through the cunning use of night vision goggles.
With the office emptying out, Pam was determined to make the 5:00 episode on TBS. She examined Jim at his desk where he was seeming engrossed in a series of important looking spreadsheets (Fantasy Football, for your information), and figured if he was staying, he could just grab the jeans on his way out. After a good five minutes of trying, she managed to catch his eye long enough to nod at Dwight's desk, look towards the office door, rub her stomach and nod at the garbage can.
This folks, was the first misunderstood telepathic conversation in the history of Jim and Pam. Because while Jim assumed she was saying that she would come back for the jeans (should not have looked last at the garbage can Miss Beesly!), Pam just assumed he understood, like he always did. Neither was ready for the kind of truce that allowed actual conversation, so both went home for the day and the jeans remained unstolen in the trash can.
***
Or nearly unstolen, because what that then fails to explain, was how, on the morning of Day 2, Pam's arrival at the office was greeted by Creed. Wearing the fun jeans. Chewing on a piece of corn. Without a shirt.
