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THE OFFICE
EPISODE 15A
SERVICE CALL
BY KEVIN GREENE

ACT III


INT. THE OFFICE-PHYLLIS AND STANLEY’S AREA

Ricardo walks over to Phyllis and Stanley. They all exchange greetings.


RICARDO
So! I understand that Bob Vance…
(looks at Stanley)
of Vance Refrigeration…

STANLEY(nodding, doesn’t
even look up from his crossword
puzzle)
Precisely…

RICARDO
…is adding a beautiful, new
model to his line. I hear it’s
hot, sleek and looks GREAT in
white.

PHYLLIS(disappointed)
Oh… Bob usually tells me when
there’s a new unit in…

STANLEY(Still looking down)
Phyliss… I believe he‘s referring to
you.

PHYLLIS(after it sinks in)
Oh! Oh, Ricardo… (laughs) you are so sweet!

RICARDO
Congratulations!

They hug.


STANLEY TALKING HEAD

STANLEY
Yes, I do like that young man
Ricardo. He’s smart, respectful…
(leans closer to camera)
But I wouldn’t let him anywhere
NEAR my daughter. That boy is
slicker than a soapmaker’s ass.


INT.-THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA

Jim and Karen enter the office and hang up
their coats. They seem a little chilly to
each other. Pam notices but keeps her silence.
Jim eases over to the counter while Karen
returns to her seat.

JIM
Hey.

PAM
Hey. Is… everything ok?

JIM
Yeah, um… everything is cool.
Uh… hey, uh, can I talk to you
about something?

Pam’s eyes bulge at the familiar question.
She becomes sort of nervous.

PAM
Um… yeah, sure… um… the kitchen?

JIM
Ok.

They both head towards the kitchen area, passing
Dwight, who is eating a Mr. Goodbar. They both
shake their heads slightly.

INT.-THE OFFICE-KITCHEN AREA

Jim and Pam walk in and stand a few feet apart.
We see them though the window of the door. Pam is
still nervous, her hands in constant motion.
JIM
Um… Ok… I don’t want to
get into your business…

This unexpected statement calms Pam a little.

PAM
You always can. You know
that, Jim.

JIM(smiling)
Ok… that’s… that’s good.

There’s a moment of warmth between them. It’s obvious
that they care for one another tremendously.

JIM
I um… I wanted to ask you
about Ricardo.

PAM
Ricardo?

JIM
Yeah, um… he comes across
like a really good guy…
and he really likes
you a lot, apparently… and…
maybe you… like him a bit,
too…

PAM
Are you… trying to get me
to go out with him?

JIM
Well, um… it’s just that…
he really likes you. I
thought… I don’t know, I
just… I just wanna see you
smile more often.

PAM
I smile… You… make me smile…

JIM
But I mean…(smiles) Thanks.
I mean a… you know… a
um… kind of relationship
smile…
(puts head down)
Maybe Ricardo can make
you smile that way.

PAM
You…

Pam looks through the door window and sees
Karen watching intently. Karen sees Pam and
turns away abrubtly.


PAM
Is that what you want?

JIM
It’s not what I want…
that matters, Pam.
This is all about you.

PAM (sighs)
Jim… I don’t think I can.
I mean… he’s RICARDO! …and
I’m… I’m just Pam.

JIM(actually shocked to
hear this)
“Just Pam”?
(He moves closer to her)

JIM(continued)
There… there is no such
thing as “Just Pam”. You
are… so far greater than
you know, Pam. You’re…

Jim draws back and looks down, avoiding
eye contact but Pam looks at him, touched.

JIM
Um… I… I just want you to be
happy, Pam. That’s all that
matters to me…

Jim leaves before Pam can answer. She stands alone
in the kitchen, emotions playing across her face.

INT. THE OFFICE-PHYLLIS AND STANLEY’S AREA

Ricardo is just about to walk towards the
Breakroom when he sees Creed waving at him.

CREED
Rico! Over here!

Ricardo walks over to Creed’s desk. Meredith
is on the phone at her desk but stares openly
at him.


MEREDITH
Can’t talk now.
(Hangs up and goes back to staring.)

CREED(removing his glasses)
Rico, how ya doin’, good? Fine, me too, ok…
I want the same deal as before. Six crates
of hand-rolled Habanos. I got a guy in East
Stroudsburg, could be a steady contact. Only
difference on my end is that the 420 is
from Hawaii and not Amsterdam. Good?

RICARDO
I… have no idea what you’re talking about,
Creed.


CREED(looking closer at Ricardo)
You’re not Rico from the diner.

RICARDO
No.

CREED
And… you’re not wearing a wire, right?

RICARDO
Uh… no.

CREED
Have a good day.
(Turns back to his desk and puts
his glasses back on.)

Ricardo looks at the camera and walks
away but is intercepted by Meredith.


MEREDITH
Don’t pay him any mind,
he’s crazy.

RICARDO
Uh… yeah.

MEREDITH
Completely gone.
(pulls out a small
bottle of alcohol)

MEREDITH(whispering)
Wanna share this in the
stairwell?

RICARDO
Um… Um… I gotta um… go turn
the um… thing back on in the
um… back there… sorry…

He squeezes past Meredith and practically
runs towards the Breakroom.

INT.-THE OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT’S AREA

Jim sits at his desk, obviously distracted by
his conversation with Pam. Dwight is still
eating his Mr. Goodbar, his desk littered
with wrappers.

DWIGHT(still eating)
Jim… exactly how much chocolate
… is to be consumed for this to
happen?

JIM
How much have you eaten?

DWIGHT
This is my fifth one…

JIM
Oh, that’s not nearly
enough. I think Ricardo
said that he ate about
twenty candy bars a day.

DWIGHT
Twent… Oh this is
ridiculous. I’m not
going to…

Just then Pam walks by heading back to reception.

PAM
Hi, Dwight… (she stops)
Hey… there’s something…
different about you.
Have you been working
out?

Dwight stares at her.

PAM(smiling)
Well, whatever it is…
Keep up the good work.

Pam leaves and winks at Jim as she passes. Jim gives
Dwight a “Hey, see?” look. Dwight starts eating the
candy bar again.

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

DWIGHT(chewing candy bar)
I view this office as a pride of lions.
And I am the second in command lion to
Michael. So when other… lions… come to
sniff our women, I must use every means
at my disposal to maintain the female…
(pause) lion alignment… But I am not
overly concerned by this. Women have
long been fascinated by the Schrute
male. My grandfather had three wives.
(pause) Not all at the… same time
but… there were three of them.



INT.-THE OFFICE-TOBY’S DESK

Toby sits facing Ricardo as he works on a copier between
Toby’s area and Kelly’s area.

TOBY
Wow, really?


RICARDO
Yeah, I go on my vacation…
get a little room at a motel
near the beach, nothing too
fancy… and just enjoy myself.

TOBY
And where do you go? Like… Costa
Rica?

RICARDO(laughing)
No, no. Southern California. Usually
around San Diego. Killer waves, dude.


TOBY
Wow. I… really want to do that.

RICARDO
You should. I’ve only been surfing
for a few years now but it’s the greatest,
man. It’s indescribable.

Kelly rolls over from her desk and
pulls her seat next to Ricardo.

KELLY
Wow, that is so cool, Ricky. You in a
Speedo… um… surfing. You know…
I’ve… never been surfing before.

RICARDO
Oh yeah? Maybe your boyfriend Ryan
can take you.

KELLY
Oh… well… well maybe he can.

RICARDO
Maybe.

KELLY(a little angry)
Definitely.

RICARDO(shrugs)
Ok.

KELLY(turning towards the
other end of the office.
RYAN!

She leaves and Ricardo and Toby snicker.

TOBY
I have to learn how you did that.
Sometimes I can’t even… the chatter,
Ricardo, the chatter.

RICARDO
Boy, I can imagine… I…

Just then Michael walks over.

MICHAEL
No, no, no, no, do NOT talk to
this man, Ricardo! He will jinx you,
he will… he will… kill your chick
mojo!
(Michael points at Toby’s desk.)
MICHAEL(continued)
Get back over there, Toby. Go do
your evil HR crap back in your…
evil HR stinkhole. Get out of here.

Toby rolls his chair back to his desk quietly.

TOBY TALKING HEAD

TOBY
Having a nice conversation with
Ricardo and then being interrupted
by Kelly and Michael is like…
riding your bike on a great spring
day… and then getting hit by a car.
And then having your wallet stolen.
(Pause) And not necessarily in that
order.



INT.-THE OFFICE-TOBY AND KELLY’S AREA

Michael is blathering away while Ricardo is
toiling away at the copy machine, trying his
best to ignore him.

MICHAEL
So, yeah… I don’t know if you’ve
ah, ever noticed this but chicks
love a good sense of humor, you
know? You ever pick up on that?

RICARDO(not really listening)
Uh huh.

MICHAEL
If I’m in a bar and there’s a
babe… babe alert! (laughs) I’ll
um… I’ll loosen her up with some
jokes… Oh! Oh! I have a killer
knock knock joke. Guaranteed.
Ok… um… Knock Knock!

RICARDO
What?

MICHAEL(confused)
No… not “what?” It’s… ok, maybe
it’s different in Cuba. In the U.S. we
go “Who’s there?”…

RICARDO(getting annoyed)
Michael…

MICHAEL
No, wait… this is a good one!
Knock Knock!

RICARDO(more annoyed)
Michael!

MICHAEL
I know, the pacing isn’t what
you’re used to. But just say
“Who’s there?” and…

RICARDO(completely aggravated)
MICHAEL!! Can’t I… please, please
PLEASE, please God, please just
finish servicing these machines
and then get the hell out of here?!?

MICHAEL
What… what’s wrong?

RICARDO
You’re… you’re driving me CRAZY with
the… the following and the questions…
I TOLD you! I haven’t had a date in
weeks! I’m TIRED of it all!
I’m… I’m just looking for that…
special one. You understand??

MICHAEL
Um… well… yes?


Ricardo sighs and shakes his head.

RICARDO
Aren’t you… seeing someone?
I heard that you were. Don’t
you… don’t you like her?

MICHAEL
Um… yes. Yes, I do like her.
She’s ah… she’s very special
to me.

RICARDO
So, then that’s all you need! I
can’t TELL you how hard that is
to find! (pause) I… I actually
ENVY you, Michael.
(He stares at Michael,
shakes his head and then
looks at Toby)

RICARDO(continued)
This… this place is like the
freakin’ Twilight Zone, man.

Ricardo walks off.

TOBY
But… I like the Twilight Zone.


INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA

Pam is playing solitaire when Ricardo walks over. He looks
frazzled.

PAM
Are you ok?

RICARDO
I don’t know how you work here… this place
is insane.

PAM
Yeah… (sighs) I don’t know how I work here,
either.

RICARDO
Listen… can I talk to you about something?

Pam laughs.

RICARDO
What?

PAM
Nothing… it’s been a strange day. Let’s go
into the kitchen.

Pam and Ricardo head towards the kitchen. Jim, chewing on a
pen, watches them go. He almost looks as though he will bolt from his chair and go after them.

INT.-THE OFFICE-KITCHEN AREA

They both enter and stand in the exact same place that Pam and Jim stood in earlier.

RICARDO
Ok… um… look. I was um… noticing that maybe
there was a mutual um… attraction between
us and um… I was wondering… Oh my God, I
can’t believe how nervous I am!

They both laugh.

RICARDO
I was wondering if you would like to go
out one night. We can do anything you
want. You name it.

PAM
Ohhhhhhh… I’m gonna kick myself for this
but… Ricardo, you are… wow. I’m not even
sure why you are asking ME out but…
my head is just… it’s just all over the
place right now. I can’t even think
straight. It really wouldn’t be fair to
you at all. You deserve so much better
than that. I’m sorry.

RICARDO(smiling)
It’s Jim, isn’t it?

PAM(shocked)
What?

RICARDO(shaking his head)
You guys have a hell of a time linking
up. First you have somebody and he
doesn’t then he has somebody and you
don’t. It’s…

PAM
This… this has nothing to do with Jim.
(looks at camera) Nothing at all.

RICARDO
(looks at camera as well,
realizing)
Oh… Oh… I’m sorry. I… wow… I leaped
to the wrong conclusion. That was
rude of me, I apologize. I don’t
know where I got that from. I’m sorry…

PAM
That’s alright… I… that’s ok.

RICARDO
Listen… this offer doesn’t expire.
(laughs then gets serious) I really
like you, Pam. I think you are…
special. And I think… others feel
that way, too. So…(takes out a
business card)
RICARDO (continued)
please take this. All of my numbers
are here. If you ever change your mind
or… just want to talk… give me a call.

Ricardo kisses Pam’s cheek. She smiles and blushes.

RICARDO(starting to leave)
I‘ll see you around, Miss Beesly.

PAM
How long do I have on that offer?

Ricardo turns around. You can completely see why women
are just head over heels over the guy.

RICARDO
As long as you need.

He leaves. Pam throws her head into her hands and lets
out a low moan. Then she walks over to the door and watches
Jim pretend to work. She sighs and smiles lightly.

PAM TALKING HEAD

PAM
So… I am not going out on a date
with Ricardo. I’m sure the office
girls will kill me… (laughs) But
I’m still getting used to it just
being me… and I kind of like it.
You learn all kinds of things
about yourself. What you want…
So maybe one day, Ricardo...
(she holds up his card)

PAM
Maybe one day…


MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

MICHAEL
You know… every time Ricardo comes here
I always look at him and ask myself…
“Is he happy?” Sure, he’s a good-looking
young man, smart, funny… but is he happy?
Fulfilled? And sadly, the answer is no.
Ricardo, as it turns out, wants something
that Michael Scott already has. The love of
a good woman. Or… the strong like… or at
least the, ah… tolerance of a good woman…
but the point is… I pity Ricardo.

INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA

We see a series of shots. Ricardo packing up.
Ricardo saying bye to Jim, Dwight(still eating
candy bars) and then a cute little wave to Pam.
Pam waves back and, after Ricardo leaves, she
looks at Jim, who, typically, has his back to
her. She looks regretful, almost sad. Then a
small smile appears and then leaves and she
looks down. Just then Jim turns around in
his chair, careful not to be noticed by his
co-workers. He looks at Pam for a moment, then
turns back, staring at his monitor but not
seeing anything.

MICHAEL VOICE-OVER
I pity him because what he wants can be so
hard to find. So elusive. That one person…
that person that makes you whole and brightens
your life… and shows you what love truly is…
that person can be on the other side of the
earth… or right in front of you. And poor
Ricardo hasn’t found her yet. How many people
do?

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

MICHAEL
So poor Ricky Ricardo. Keep searching Baabaloo,
keep searching. Your Lucy is out there somewhere.
Waiting for you.
(Pauses, then smiles)
MICHAEL(continued)
Hey… Let’s call Jan again! (reaches for phone)
But no matter how many times she asks… you are
not here.

END ACT III





EPILOGUE

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

Dwight is still eating a candy bar. He is sweating
and does not look well.

DWIGHT
I haven’t noticed any change in An…
uh, the other women besides Pam…
even though I have doubled up on
the dosage. Well, not quite… this
is… this is… number 37.
(pauses, looks absolutely ill)
DWIGHT(continued)
I am… twice the man Ricardo is…
So I should be able to…
(REALLY looks sick now)
DWIGHT(continued)
Um… Excuse me…
(gets up and runs off)



END EPILOGUE