Oh my God! Just a quick note before the postman gets here (Pam says the mail goes out at four) to let you know I MET CREED. I mean really met him. He was arguing with Oscar (one of the accountants) over the last of the milk in the refrigerator. I brought pumpkin spice cookies today and Creed got the last one but Oscar had taken the last of the milk and Creed was trying to persuade Oscar to give it to him. Anyway, I went down to Vance Refrigeration and raided their refrigerator and brought Creed a glass of milk at his desk. He thanked me and was very nice although he called me "Suzy" instead of "Sunny". I grinned all over my face. He asked me what I did here and we chatted a bit. I can hardly remember what I said. No, I didn't ask for his autograph. It would have felt weird. I'm still all up in the air though. So groovy!

Gotta go.

Love,

Sunny aka Suzy

Dear Sis:

I know, I sound like a teenager. Sue me. Creed's a nice guy and he still has those piercing blue eyes so yeah, my heart still goes pitty pat. If you don't want me to write about him any more, though, I won't.

We had some fun in the Dunder-Mifflin warehouse today. The supervisor, Darryl, is a big black guy who is friends with another big black guy named Lonny. They were arguing about who had to take the last truck out on deliveries, because whoever did it would be working late on Friday and nobody wants that. To settle it, they tried flipping a coin--and both of them called the same. Then they tried Rock Paper Scissors and of course both of them got Paper (it's a paper company). Finally one of the other workers, a gal named Madge, suggested a dance-off. Before you could say "spit", Darryl had his iPod player out and they were hopping all over the warehouse, bustin' moves right and left.

Then wouldn't you know Andy from the office came down and insisted on singing (?) along with the music. Darryl and Lonny told Andy they were having a music contest and asked if he wanted to join in. Being the lunkhead that he is, Andy didn't ask what the "winner" would get, so he joined in. Darryl (who actually has a good voice, I've heard him) sang a terrible, terrible version of "My Humps". Lonny was laughing so hard he choked on his version of "Your Body Is a Wonderland". Then Andy gave us a god-awful version of "Sexyback" -- and of course all of us applauded wildly. Darryl pounded him on the back and told him what a great voice he had. Andy beamed and smiled and looked smug as all hell, especially as Darryl handed him the keys to the truck and the list of deliveries. It wasn't until Darryl and Lonny walked away that it finally dawned on Andy what he'd "won". Yeah, I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing too loud on that one. He's such a dick.

Oh, yeah, the pumpkin spice cookies are a hit. I tried some cream cheese frosting with them and I thought Darryl was going to cry, he liked them so much.

No word on who's using the condoms in the supply closet. When I go in there, I count to see if any have been used (and I check the trash cans), but so far no one has been practicing safe sex in my closet. Should I rig up a webcam? Heh heh.

Love,

Sunny

Dear Sis:

Apology accepted. I will continue to write about Creed. Trust me, if you were here you'd see what I'm talking about. I'm just tongue-tied around that guy. But he does love those pumpkin spice cookies, so I'll keep 'em coming. Oh, and no, I have no idea if he's married. Why do you ask?

I've started on the back part of Danielle's sweater. Tell her not to grow between now and her birthday.

I've mentioned a girl before, named Kelly. She works in customer service, in the back of the building they call the annex. I went in to change a light bulb yesterday and she was in her cubicle, crying. I saw her Kleenex box was empty so I went to the supply closet and brought her a new box. She thanked me and then just started blubbering and talking, and she sounded really sad so I sat down and listened to her. And listened to her. And listened to her. It was like trying to drink from a firehose.

Basically, she's an airhead with a heart of gold. I don't think she has two brain cells to rub together but she is harmless, and just wants to be loved. She had a real thing going with this guy Ryan (see earlier letter, he's now the new "overlord" and is in New York) and he dumped her flat when he got the promotion. She was hoping he would propose and they would move to New York. This Ryan strikes me as a sharp operator; she says he was always cancelling dates, putting her off. Sounds like there was more on her side than his. But she's feeling very unhappy now and so, when she mentioned shopping, I told her she should try some retail therapy for a broken heart. I don't know how it happened, but I found myself agreeing to go to the mall with her this weekend! For crying out loud! But she says it will be fun and I don't have to buy anything, and truth to tell I have nothing better to do. So maybe I can call this "research" for my new boss the director and I won't have to go through Kelly's desk or something. Still uncomfortable with that idea.

You asked about Jim and Pam and Karen. So far, I can't see anything interesting happening there. Karen is still sulking, Jim is uncomfortable around her, Pam glows like a little light bulb. No cage matches yet, I'm afraid. From what I see in her trash can, Karen is updating her resume. I can't blame her. It appears that Jim just dumped her ass flat in New York and took up with Pam. I don't care how long he's had a crush on Pam (and I totally don't blame him there, she's a sweetheart), he should have shown more sensitivity. Men. I have a feeling something is going to break soon, though. I just hope it isn't Pam's heart.

Gotta go. Cookies in oven.

Love,

Sunny the Cookie Lady

Dear Sis:

Unbelievable. My stupid Parole Officer almost got me fired. He called Sam to check up on me and Sam told him about the Dunder Mifflin "contract" gig. He should not have said anything but I understand he didn't want to get in trouble. But PO went ballistic and threatened to haul me in for violating my parole. How? I wasn't breaking any laws or any rules? He's just a dickwad. Bless his heart, Rabbi Aaron called him up and spoke persuasively, or I'd be writing to you care of the County lockup. But it shook me up, I'll tell you.

No, I don't think Jim and Pam are the ones who stashed the condoms in the closet. For one thing, I can't believe shy little Pam would get it on in there. For another, I suspect a smoothie like Jim carries fourteen different brands with him everywhere he goes. I haven't seen this Jan show up yet, so the only ones left I can think of are Phyllis and her husband, and why use the supply closet when they can always just go in his office and lock the door? It's a mystery.

Kelly and I did go to the mall, but mostly we went to Jitters for coffee and then to a lingerie store. I sure won't be needing any of that fancy underwear from Victoria's Secret, even if I could afford it. I haven't dated since Josh died, and not likely to anytime soon. But it was fun watching her pick stuff out, except she'd tear up now and then about how Ryan would never see her in this or that "awesome" outfit, and thought to myself that if Ryan didn't appreciate this little girl he was an idiot. She's very sweet and simple, not a complicated person at all. I think she just wants to be loved and get married and have babies; she's not a career girl type like Karen at all. For her, this job is just a placeholder until she gets married. I know, it's an old fashioned attitude but hey, the world needs wives and mothers, too. I hope she meets some nice guy. Not Jim, hopefully.

Oh, and Kelly says that Jim used to date this girl who came to the office once to sell purses. Just walked right in and asked her out on fifteen minutes notice, right under Pam's very nose. I thought he had a crush on Pam then? But if so, what's with dating this purse girl, name of Katy? Who, according to Kelly, was "totally hot" and "awesome". I'm starting to wonder if there's a woman who crosses the Dunder-Mifflin threshold that Jim does NOT hit on. Besides me, thank God. I'd smack him.

Here's a check. I'm sending them monthly now, but it's the same amount all collected together. If and when I get this "bonus" thing from the documentary crew, I'll bump it up. Give the girls a hug from Aunt Sunny.

Love,

Sunny

Dear Sis:

I met a fun new guy at Dunder-Mifflin today. His name is Steve and he services the vending machines. He was in the break room when I came in to sweep, and when I asked him to move the big machines so I could sweep behind them he was real nice about it. I was glad, because there was some nasty stuff back there. I'm starting to think there are mice here in the building. Little mousy turds keep turning up.

Anyway, Steve was waiting for me to finish sweeping and he told me about this hilarious stunt Jim pulled on Dwight (the idiot with the bobbleheads) last year. He paid Steve fifty bucks to let him (Jim) put everything on Dwight's desk into the vending machine. Dwight had to 'ransom' his own stapler and stuff out of the machine. I laughed so hard I had to sit down when he told me that. I have to admit that having a sense of humor makes Jim look a little better in my eyes.

No word on the condom watch yet. So far, the count remains the same. Maybe someone just forgot them in there?

Now for the part I know you're waiting for, you romantic. More Jim and Pam stuff. It's subtle, but important, I think. I was washing dishes in the kitchen, and Jim came in all friendly like and started making toasted cheese sandwiches. He loves those, and I didn't think anything of it until I noticed that he was setting out two plates. Two. I didn't say anything but kept washing dishes very slowly, and sure enough a minute later here comes Pam with two cans of soda. Two. He leaned down to say something to her and she giggled. She set down the cans and went into the vending machines and came out with -- you guessed it -- two bags of chips. And then Jim finished his sandwiches and piled them on the two plates and they left--but not for the office area or the break room. I saw them exit into the stairwell. A picnic in the stairwell? Hmm. Those romantic lovebirds.

I didn't tell the camera crew. I don't think I want to invade Jim and Pam's privacy. She looks like she's in love, and who wants to spoil that? I just hope he's not breaking her heart. I'll put asbestos in his Velveeta.

Oh, and Darryl and Lonny said something really nice about my cookies today. They said I should put them in the vending machine. I think that was nice, don't you?

Give the girls a hug. I hope they're enjoying their summer!

Love,

Sunny