Dear Sis:

I finally got a chance to meet some of the camera crew this week. There's this skinny guy named Leon who does most of the camera work. He's got sandy hair and a goatee, and he smokes. I found him outside the back door of the warehouse on break, smoking, and we started talking. Boy, I can tell you the camera guys have seen EVERYTHING. Since I'm technically working for the same company he is, Leon let me in on the hottest of the hottest gossip. And about your favorite duo! Grab some coffee.

Jim is in love with Pam, and has been for years! Wow! May before last, when the company had this gambling party night, Leon was in the crew van changing lenses (it was the last day of filming for the season). He saw Jim meet up with Pam, and then Jim just 'fessed up, out of the blue, in the middle of the parking lot! And she turned him down! What the heck? Sis, I can't figure these two out. One look at Pam, and you can tell she's over the moon about him. Her heart's in her eyes every time she looks at him. But she turned him down? (And according to Leon, this guy she was engaged to was no prize.)

It gets better. Leon went upstairs a little later to pack up the rest of his equipment, and so he was in the office when Pam came in to make a phone call. Jim walked in without a word and kissed her! She kissed him back! Leon said it was fairly passionate--her hand in his hair, his arms around her, lost in each other. Whoa! And then Jim wanted to know if Pam was still going to marry that guy and she said yes. He walked out and transferred to Connecticut! Leon said it was the most heartbreaking thing he's ever seen. He says if I make him a couple dozen of those pumpkin spice cookies, he might let me see the video. Nobody at Dunder-Mifflin knows about that footage, but it must be hot.

Sis, these people are all insane. Who needs hallucinogens when you have stuff like this?

The Condom Watch continues; no change. However, something a little ominous: I found an empty quart bottle of vodka in the trash in the ladies' room. Not a good sign. No idea whose it is, though.

Creed said good afternoon to me today. He called me "Sally".

Love,

Sunny or maybe Sally

Dear Sis:

Wow. You have to try these. I'm putting in the recipe for almond ginger shortbread cookies Georgia and I came up with. Sam loved them. He asked for some to take home. I also took some to work; the Vance Refrigeration guys ate most of them before I was even out of the door! Phyllis asked for the recipe, too. Oh, and her sweater for Bob Vance is almost finished; she gave me some advice on Danielle's sweater that will help me finish it faster. For some reason, one of the sleeves is longer than the other. Phyllis says she knows how to fix that.

I was putting the plate of cookies out in the break room and Creed came in. He usually doesn't come in that early but he looked almost like he was waiting for me. He asked me for a cookie and when I gave him one, well, don't laugh but it was like he deliberately held my hand. Then he smiled and thanked me and went back to his desk. I had to sit down and breathe awhile. I can hear you laughing now, you witch!

I saved some cookies for Leon and he told me he'd bring in a DVD of what he calls the Casino Night footage for me, the time I told you about Jim kissing Pam. I can't get over that. These two are like some kind of Marx Brothers romance, clumsy and sad and giddy. I guess maybe I was too hard on Jim. I thought he was being an asshat (that's what the kids say) with all those women, but from what Leon tells me it sounds like he was trying to drown out the sound of his own breaking heart. I'm glad those two are together at last.

Except I'm not sure they are, completely. Two nights ago I had to stay late to clean up a mess at Vance Refrigeration (I told you we have mice!), and as I came out to the parking lot it was late. I heard voices and looked over, and Karen and Jim were standing by his car. She was yelling something I couldn't hear, and then she started crying. It was angry-crying, sounded frustrated, and then she leaned into him and he hugged her. Are they getting back together? Is he going back to his old girlfriend after all? I don't know what to think. It would break Pam's heart if she saw that.

The director of the documentary wants to know what people throw out, so in accordance with my new "contract" I went through Kelly's trash can. I can report she's heavily into "diet" bars--she eats so many I think she's eating twice the calories Kevin does. I also found some pages torn out of an address book; one of them had "Ryan Howard" written on it, then crossed out, then written in again, then crossed out again. There were four different phone numbers, all crossed out. She's not over that boy. She threw out some perfectly good eyeliner and nail polish; maybe she thought the colors were wrong, but what a waste of money!

There is one condom missing from the condom box. Yeah, I know: who???

Anyway, that's all for now. Rehab is going fine, I'm still clean and sober, and Georgia and I are thinking about splitting the cost of a TV.

Love,

Sunny

Dear Sis:

I thought you'd like those cookies. They're really good. Pam asked if she could put some on the reception desk for visitors and I said yes. Michael came out and ate all of them; I had to sweep crumbs out of the carpet all the way back to his office. I swear it's like working for a ten year old boy.

Oh, and I met Jan. She came in to pick up Michael for lunch one day and wow is she terrifying! She reminds me of a vice-principal at Scranton High I once worked with. If I recall, she got fired for spanking the students with a ruler. I think Jan is a spanker. Not a nurturing person at all. What does he see in her? Apart from the chest, I mean. Yes, he really is that shallow. Aren't most men?

Condom watch: 2 missing now. I'm thinking of setting a bear trap in the supply closet.

We definitely have mice. I don't want to call an exterminator because they might fumigate or something. Have to figure some other solution. Do you think it would be a good idea to borrow a cat?

I think I told you that there's a guy here named Stanley. I talked to him yesterday when I was trying to clean the blinds in the conference room. He's a kind of sour old soul, and I don't talk to him much, but this time he mentioned his daughter Melissa. I told him I used to be a teacher and he just opened up. Seems she's really struggling with school (she sounds like a spoiled brat to me), especially with math and science. He went on and on about how much it would cost to hire a tutor for her and how much he's paying for private school until finally I just offered to tutor her. I told him my Sundays were free, and if he could provide transportation to the public library or some place, I would see if I could help him. He actually smiled, which is something you never see Stanley do. Since I'm not charging for it, I don't think the Board of Education will ding me for teaching without a license, and I can call it community service. My PO will be thrilled.

Rabbi Aaron loves my almond ginger cookies. He says he's going to have to start a whole new 12 step program for them. Hah hah.

Love,

Sunny