Dear Sis:

Oh my goodness. I wish I had a TV and a DVD player, so I could have seen the video footage Leon showed me at home. He brought it to work today and let me watch it on Stella's monitor (she's the editor--real nice lady with two kids in daycare). First I saw and heard Jim telling Pam he loved her, and it just broke my heart to see him CRYING when she more or less turned him down. Stella and I agreed that she looked mostly scared; Leon was making sarcastic remarks about her "teasing Jim for three years and then getting all surprised when sure enough he took the bait". I told Leon I wasn't going to make him any more cookies. Then Stella cued up (I think that's the phrase) the footage after that, when Jim walked in on Pam talking to her mom on the phone, about ten minutes after his confession. Oh, sis, my heart was in my mouth when he just walked right up and laid a world-class smooch on her. He was obviously putting everything he had into that kiss! And she kissed him back, there's no denying it. No protests, no hesitation, no shoving him away--and afterwards he said "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that!" and both Leon and Stella said, at the same time, "Yeah, we know!" I had to laugh, even though it's not a funny scene.

And then damn if that mousy little Pam, who I thought was such a sweetheart, didn't agree with him! She wanted him to kiss her, too! So what does she do but immediately confirm that yes, she's still marrying her fiancé! What the heck? I do not understand these people. Anyway, I'm doing a complete turnaround on these two: I am now very sympathetic to poor Jim, whose heart must have been shattered, and kind of mad at Pam for letting him suffer for so long.

I don't know what is going on with Karen and Jim. There's some kind of drama there. I found her crying in the ladies' room yesterday but as soon as she saw me she shook her head and splashed water on her face and walked out. It must hurt like hell to see your ex so happy with his new girlfriend. Oh, and that Andy guy, the one who thinks he's such a singer? I think he's been hitting on her. Apparently they know each other from Connecticut, but I don't think they ever dated. Anyhow, he's a creepy guy and I hope she has better sense.

I've started noticing that Creed comes to work in a different car every day. It's weird. They're mostly beat-up old junkers, some with doors that are different from the body color. Could he be living in a junkyard? Some days I don't see a car in the parking lot at all, but he's still there--does he ride the bus? Mystery. He complimented me on my almond-ginger cookies yesterday; he called me "Mamma". What?

Condom watch, day 30: no more missing condoms. I wonder if I could get fingerprints off the box and compare them to the other people in the office? I would ask Dwight how to do that, because he used to be a Lackawanna County Sheriff's Deputy (volunteer), but it might be his box. Scary thought.

Love,

Sunny

Dear Sis:

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree about the Jim/Pam thing. You had to have seen that footage to know how heartbreaking it was. I really actually teared up. At any rate, all is not well in Jim/Pam Land; Pam was looking troubled all day yesterday and today, and kept shooting glances at Karen. Yeah, I wondered if she was pregnant, too, and wouldn't that be a bitch for everyone involved? But when I went in to clean the ladies' room yesterday Karen was in there buying tampons out of the machine, so I don't think she's pregnant.

I had another chat with Phyllis, and found out that one of the accountants, Oscar, is gay. Apparently there was some scene last fall where Michael accidentally "outed" him, and -- get this -- actually kissed Oscar! Phyllis said it felt like someone had dipped her in snot to watch that. Wow. Ewww. I think she said that mostly because the idea of anybody being forcibly kissed by Michael is so repulsive. I should say that you can't tell Oscar's gay by looking at him--he's a low-key guy with a sense of humor, doesn't let anyone step on him but doesn't throw his weight around, either. Just a nice, normal guy--in fact, one of the nicer guys in the office. Oh, my goodness, it just occurred to me--could those condoms belong to Oscar? But who would he be using them with? Is he having it off with another guy in the office? Oh, please don't let it be Jim, it would break poor Pam's heart.

I met Billy Merchant today, the manager of the office park. He said they're going to be bringing in a special crew to clean all the carpets in the building with steam cleaners, but he'd like some help supervising them. He's in a wheelchair, and he gets around pretty well most places, but he'd like someone on the scene to help him out in case there's a problem in some area he can't go. I told him I'd talk to Sam; Billy said there would be a bonus in it for me, because it's extra work. Oh, and he loves my almond ginger cookies, too. What a nice man.

I found something interesting in Meredith's wastebasket today: a receipt from a liquor store for vodka. I guess now I know whose bottle that was I found in the trash the other day. I don't think I've told you about her. She's in her late forties, dyes her hair red, and dresses pretty nondescript. She could look really pretty if she fixed herself up; she's got a great smile. But she acts pretty depressed, and once I saw her nodding off on her keyboard. I thought it was lack of sleep, but maybe she's drinking at work? Bad sign. I get the vague feeling she's divorced--she never mentions a husband, but she does have two pictures of kids on her desk, so I think she's a mom.

I forgot to say that while I was talking to Leon and Stella about the Jim/Pam kiss footage, I also talked about the director wanting me to go through the desk drawers of the people in the office. They said it's no big deal, that they've filmed people (especially Dwight) going through other people's drawers all the time. I think they don't use that footage, from something Stella said, but anyway it happens. They said Andy actually forced Dwight to resign one time because he went through Dwight's stuff; I would love to hear more about that! Anyway, Leon and Stella say that the staff has all signed waivers that give the crew the right to "research" anything within the walls of Dunder-Mifflin, and that after three years (!) they know it by now.

Yes, please send more of Bubbe's cookie recipes. Georgia and I want to try some new ones. Give the girls a hug for me, and hug Adam too.

Love,

Sunny

Dear Sis:

I may be in trouble, in a good way. The warehouse guys get real disappointed when I don't bring my cookies in. Day before yesterday, Darryl (the supervisor) said he's going to make a formal complaint! (I am fairly sure he is kidding, but with this bunch, you never know.) I kind of sassed him back and told him he should make it worth my while. Well you could have knocked me over with a feather when I came in to work today and they presented me with

A bag of flour

A bag of sugar

A pound of butter

A bottle of vanilla extract

A new cookie sheet

An oven mitt

Isn't that sweet? I think they all pitched in and bought them for me. Hurry up with those cookie recipes! I have a monster on my hands.

I took the opportunity to have a chat with Darryl. Seems he's best friends with Pam's old fiancé, who worked in the warehouse. I had assumed he quit because Pam broke up with him, and what could be worse than working in the same company as your ex, who is hanging out with her new love? I guess Karen could sympathize with that, huh? Anyway, I was wrong. Darryl says this guy, name of Roy, was fired because he attacked Jim! Wow. Jealous, much? I settled in to get all the juicy details, but there aren't any. There was no fight, no screaming and knocking over of chairs and desks. Of all people, Dwight saved the day by spraying everyone with pepper spray! I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but still, can I help it if I think of him as something of a spoilsport? Not that I want to see Jim get beat up, and from what Darryl was saying, this Roy could have smashed Jim into tiny pieces with one hand. But I like a good brawl now and then to clear the air. (Kidding!)

Today I was sweeping near Meredith's desk, which is right next to Creed's. He left his desk for a few minutes and I got a look at his screen. As usual, he was playing some kind of computer game. I don't know that I've ever seen him work. Must be a good job. No, I don't have his autograph yet. I'm waiting until he calls me by my real name. It's discouraging that after all these weeks he still doesn't know who I am. I did see one strange thing--a letter on his desk from the Mayor of Scranton. And not just some campaign thing; it mentioned a visit to a soup kitchen for the homeless. Is Creed doing charity work?

Condom watch, day 35: three gone now. Aha! I may put a mousetrap in that box and see who shows up with a sore finger (or worse) next day.

I ran into Meredith getting tea in the kitchen today; I was close enough that when she said "Hi" I smelled liquor on her breath. Oh, dear. I hope Michael doesn't know about this. Speaking of Michael, I heard him boasting to Jim about how he and Jan went to Atlantic City last weekend. He said he "aced" the video poker machines; he put $500 in and won $150! Jim tried to explain that no, Michael actually lost $350, but Michael didn't understand and thought Jim was just joking with him. Yikes. I'm glad that man is not in charge of my paycheck.

Tell Adam I'm sorry to hear about his mom and I hope she feels better soon. Are the girls reading Harry Potter yet? How do they like the new book?

Love,

Sunny

Dear Sis:

Wow, what great recipes from Bubbe L! I can't wait to try them out. Although I am starting to wish I didn't "have" to bake three dozen cookies every night before I go to bed. And no, I can't charge for them. I just can't bring myself to do that. Rabbi Aaron says that attendance at meeting has improved a lot since I started bringing them, though. I guess they're a mitzvah for me now! Hah hah.

Had a meeting with my parole officer, who grudgingly acknowledged that I "seem to be on the right track". Note to self: always bring cookies to meetings with PO from now on. They seem to soothe the savage beast.

Oh, I wish I could be there to help read Harry Potter to the girls. I envy you that. Benjy would have loved those books. There are some nights I almost wish I'd died too. Now, don't pick up the phone and call me in a panic, I'm fine. I have my work and my new friends at work and my meeting, and now I even have a spiritual counselor! Hah! But I will never forget Josh and Benjy and I will miss them every day and I just have to live with that. I know now that pills won't erase their memories or kill the pain, but I am learning (thanks to Rabbi Aaron's excellent and wise counsel) that I can live with it and learn to remember the good days. I still thank God for them every day, even if I had them too short a time.

Which brings me to the Jim and Pam thing. Makes me want to tear my hair sometimes, watching these two. Do they know how fragile life is? Do they know how swiftly time can move and people can change? Don't they know you can lose someone forever in the blink of an eye? I sometimes think I should take Pam to one side and drop a word in her ear, but really, who expects romance advice from the cleaning lady? So I console myself by sneaking out to the back dock where Stella parks the van and sits there watching the video feed, and we talk about Pam and what her choices are. I've learned a lot about Miss Pam Beesly from Stella. Pam 'dated' Roy, her ex-fiancé, for nearly ten years, and was engaged for more than three! They were living together for the last several years, and from what Stella tells me, there was no (you should pardon the expression) hanky-Pamky going on with anyone else. So that means Jim is only the second boyfriend she's ever had--and she is in her mid-twenties. Oh, brother. I hope he's gentle with her--and I mean that emotionally not sexually. She's going to be massively insecure. See what I mean? I keep wanting to play auntie to those two, and it's totally none of my beeswax.

This Saturday I'm going in to help supervise the carpet cleaning crew with Billy Merchant. I'll try out one of the new cookie recipes on them. Give the girls my love. I wonder if I can contrive a Harry Potter cookie for them? What would be Potter-ish? Pumpkin spice? Dragonwing Delights?

Love,

Sunny