From Thursday's Scranton Times-Tribune
On the third page of the Local Section

LOCAL MAN CAUGHT IN HEADLIGHTS

Dinder-Mifflin employee, Michael Scot (48), was discovered tied to the back of a Peterbilt semi-trailer late Tuesday night by vigilant Iowa teens Jeremy Curry (18) and John Pliska (17). When questioned, Scot claimed “a ketchup fight got out of control.” Police have ordered psychiatric treatment.