ACT FOUR

INT. The Annex

TOBY is hunched over typing at his computer. Off-camera the sound of a door opening is heard, and the camera swings over to see PAM has entered. TOBY turns around in his chair and smiles when he sees her.

TOBY

(happily)

Hey, Pam. What’s up?

PAM

(distractedly)

Hey Toby [beat] uh…

During and after her dialogue, PAM is looking around the Annex for something. As she does TOBY begins to look around too.

TOBY

(while mimicking PAM and still said happily)

Did you lose something?

PAM

(stops looking and smiles at TOBY)

Yeah, I did. [beat] Oh, I bet….

PAM turns and walks around the divider that separates TOBY and KELLY’s desks. As she does, the camera follows behind her. Once she enters the cubicle of the empty desk and KELLY’s (which she is absent from) PAM squats down. The camera looks over her shoulder to reveal JIM asleep on the floor. He is covered by a NASA blanket (looks like silver foil) and is laying his head on his jacket, which he has made into a pillow. PAM turns and looks up at the camera.

PAM (cont.)

(whispering)

He said he was going to take a nap two hours ago.

(looks back down at him as he snores a little, then back to the camera with a smile)

I feel a little bad about waking him up [beat] but not that badly.

She reaches out and pats his arm.

PAM (cont.)

(in a sing-song voice)

Jim…Jim.

JIM opens his eyes and looks at PAM confusedly for a second, but then moans and covers his face with his hand.

JIM

(groggily)

What?

PAM

C’mon, you’ve got to get up.

JIM

(pulls the NASA blanket over his shoulders and turns away from the camera)

Do you know what time I got here this morning?

PAM

(sigh)

Yes.

JIM

Alright then.

PAM

Jim, the party is starting.

JIM doesn’t move or say anything in response.

PAM (cont.)

(teasingly, but with some conviction)

You know, the one your girlfriend helped to plan. The same one who did you a favor.

JIM

(turns underneath the blanket, which is up to his nose, and looks up at PAM)

Fine.

(sits up so that he is eye-level with PAM, pushes the blanket off himself, and runs a hand through his sleep-shaped hair)

[beat] but only because I promised I’d give Dwight back his NASA blanket by four.

(smiles challengingly at PAM)

CUT TO: INT.Conference Room

The Conference Room is decorated for the Kwanzaa Christmas party. Colored Christmas lights line the wall, along with various cutouts of reindeer, Santa Claus, and streamers the colors of Kwanzaa (red, green, and black). The table had various dishes, bowls, and plates of food on it. In the middle is a set of seven candles in a holder. KELLY’s back is to the camera, as she arranges things. MICHAEL is standing behind her, and looking over her shoulder. He turns around and looks at the camera.

MICHAEL

(grandly)

Hello, and welcome to Kwazmas! It’s the most diversified time of the year. So…

(turns back to KELLY and the table)

our own Kelly Kapoor…

(KELLY turns around to face the camera)

is stirring the melting pot here. And, um, why don’t you give them the tour?

KELLY

(a little surprised)

Oh, okay. Well…

(turns back towards the table, and the camera moves towards the table and next to her)

Angela made brownies, and um, Phyllis made sugar cookies.

MICHAEL

(interrupting)

No, Kelly, what about the traditional Kwanzzian African-American cuisine?

KELLY

(nods her head)

Oh yeah! Okay, so I brought in chicken wings, and ranch dip. Also, there are some cheesy-curls, and roast beef for sandwiches.

(turns to camera and smiles)

MICHAEL

(confused)

Kelly [beat] when I researched this it didn’t say anything about chicken wings.

KELLY

Oh.

KELLY TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

I asked Darryl like twenty times what black people ate to celebrate their heritage. But, he was all like, ‘stop asking me that, I don’t know’ or whatever. So I just brought stuff that I know he eats.

(nervously)

I hope that he likes it.

MICHAEL

Alright, well, what about this mn-men-aura here?

(points to the seven candles in the holder)

KELLY

Um, that’s a symbol of Kwanzaa. [beat] Each candle is like, a different black virtue.

MICHAEL

(nodding)

Alright, okay. So, what are the

(turns to camera)

African-American virtues?

KELLY

Oh [beat] I’m not sure.

MICHAEL lowers his head disappointedly.

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD [Michael’s Office]

Okay, I am not going to say something mean about Kelly. [beat] That would be a hate crime. But why must people in this office be so white [beat] or Hindu? You know? I am trying to bring a little color, uh, no pun intended, into their lives, and what do they do? They bring in cheesy-curls!

(sighs dramatically)

It’s times like this I wish I could still do my Chris Rock impression. Really enlighten these people.

(looks at camera despondently)

CUT TO: INT. Main Office

The Main Office is also decorated for the Kwanzaa Christmas party. There are red, green, and black streamers (same as the Conference Room), a Christmas tree (decorated with large colored outside lights, popcorn-strings, and silver garland) and electric taped to the Conference Room window are white tube socks with each employees name written on strips of the same electric tape in silver Sharpie. It should be obvious that each sock has something in it (with PAM’s being especially noticeable). Next to Reception is a table that has a bowl of punch, other bottles of alcohol, and cups. Though it is somewhat indistinct, Kanye West music can also be heard.

After taking in the scene from multiple angles, the camera settles on the Christmas tree, where CREED and OSCAR are standing next to each other, each with a cup in hand.

CREED

(looking down into his cup and then up to OSCAR)

What is this?

OSCAR

(leans forward and looks into the cup)

Punch?

While OSCAR is examining the contents of the cup and talking, CREED rips a couple pieces of popcorn off of their strings on the Christmas tree and eats them. OSCAR looks back up in time to see him munching on it, and looks at the string, and then to the camera.

CREED TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

I celebrate Kwanzaa every year [beat] it’s my way of sticking it to Whitey. He controls everything, music, auto repair, soup, Mexico [beat] everything. So that’s why every Kwanzaa I make love to a beautiful African goddess named Lisa.

(lowers his voice conspiratorially to camera)

She costs three unemployment checks, but it’s worth it.

OSCAR TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

(shockingly to camera)

Did he just eat popcorn off the Christmas tree?!

CUT TO: INT. Conference Room

The room is the same as it was before, except the people have changed. KEVIN is at the table loading up a plate with food, KELLY is happily picking at the various plates and dishes, and ANGELA is unhappily glaring at the table.

KEVIN

(turns to ANGELA)

Happy Kwanzaa, Angela. They’ve got chicken wings.

(holds up chicken wing to ANGELA, who frowns)

ANGELA

Yes, I see that Kevin. African-Americans must be very proud. And Merry Christmas to you.

KEVIN pushes past her, plate fully loaded with food, and out the door. Meanwhile, ANGELA moves closer to KELLY so that they are side by side at the table.

ANGELA (cont.)

Well, I hope you’re happy with yourself.

KELLY

(looking over at ANGELA)

Huh?

ANGELA

You have ruined Christmas. For the sacred birth of our Lord and Savior you have brought roast beef, cheesy-curls, and chicken.

KELLY

(unfazed and slightly defensively)

Um, yeah. That’s way better than what those three guys brought, right? Like, what is myrrh? I don’t even know.

ANGELA

(hissed)

One of them brought gold.

KELLY

Oh my God, really? I wished I had gotten gold when I was born. That would have been awesome. Like a necklace or something [beat]

ANGELA glares at KELLY openly

KELLY (cont.)

Maybe a tiny bracelet? Oh! When I have babies, I’m totally getting them a gold medical bracelet, so they don’t have to wear one of those that the hospital gives them.

ANGELA begins to say something, but then makes a sound of anger and turns on her heel and leaves the room quickly. KELLY shrugs and turns back to the table.

CUT TO: INT. Main Office

The camera is in front of the Conference Room window (the blinds are closed), where the socks are taped to the glass. PAM and JIM are standing next to each other and examining them.

PAM

(excitedly)

I wonder what’s in your sock?

JIM

(attempts to mat down his bed head, again)

Hmmm. I asked Santa for a Wii

(pats sock and looks at PAM)

I don’t know. Maybe.

PAM

(laughs)

Well, I asked for a new sketchpad.

JIM

(interrupting)

Really?

PAM

Yes, really. I mentioned it to Santa quite a few times, actually.

JIM makes a mock-worried face at PAM.

JIM

Yikes, I hope he got the message. He is pretty busy this time of year.

PAM

(genuinely)

Yeah, well [beat] I’m sure whatever he got me, I’ll love it.

JIM

(looks at PAM’s sock and then rips it off the wall)

Well, we don’t have to wait!

PAM

(interrupting)

Jim!

(looks at camera quickly)

She attempts to reach for the sock, but JIM holds it above her head where she can’t get it.

JIM

No, no, Pam. I hope Santa fit a sketchpad in there. Let’s see.

(reaches into the sock and retrieves a cut-out of paper, a three-pack of crayons, and a DVD of Titanic. He holds them in front of PAM)

PAM

(hesitantly, but smiling)

What [beat] are those?

JIM

(assuredly)

Oh, well. This…

(hands her crayons)

is a three-pack of crayons that you get with a Children’s menu. So, you know, art is covered….

(hands her Titanic DVD)

this is Titanic [beat] and I’m not sure…

PAM

(interrupting)

Oh, that scene with the sketching.

JIM looks at her confusedly.

PAM (cont.)

You know, with Kate Winslet topless.

JIM

(nods)

Oh right. Yeah.

PAM shakes her head in mock disapproval.

JIM (cont.)

Anyway, and this is…

(looks down at cut out of paper)

an article from Cosmo titled “10 Ways to Get Him Into Bed”

PAM immediately looks at the camera and blushes. JIM notices.

JIM (cont.)

Though this is from Michael, so it should probably be “10 Ways To Get Him Onto His Futon.”

PAM

(laughs)

Oh, gross, no.

(smiles)

Let’s do yours!

Just as PAM is about to reach for JIM’s sock, ANGELA storms out of the Conference Room, and they both watch her as she briskly walks past them and towards the break room.

PAM (cont.)

(sighs)

Is it four-thirty yet?

JIM

(looks down at his watch)

Uh, yeah, close enough.

(smiles)

Good luck.

PAM

You owe me.

JIM

Well, it isn’t Christmas yet, so if you want that sketchpad….

PAM

(walking away towards the Break Room)

Yeah, yeah.

CUT TO: INT. Break Room

ANGELA is sitting alone in the room, at the corner table. We can see that she is holding a handkerchief and sobbing gently into it. The door opens, and PAM walks in with a glance at the camera, which is stationed behind the window and blinds. When she sees the condition that ANGELA is in, she takes a fortifying breath and stops in the middle of the room.

PAM

Uh, hey Angela.

ANGELA

(lifts the handkerchief away from her face)

Hey.

PAM walks the remaining distance from the middle of the room to the table where ANGELA is, and sits down opposite from her.

PAM

(softly)

What’s wrong?

ANGELA

(after a second)

Christmas is ruined. I-

(sniffles into her handkerchief)

I just wanted a nice Christmas, and people [beat] nobody understands.

PAM

What about Andy?

ANGELA

Ugh. His idea of Christmas is black baby Jesus and acapella. You know he wants me to go caroling with him? Do you know how dangerous that is?

PAM

Um, no.

ANGELA

Just going to stranger’s homes! Knocking on the door! We’ll be murdered for sure.

PAM

(wide-eyed look at the camera, and then back to ANGELA)

Okay, well [beat] I came in here because I need your help.

ANGELA

(scoffs)

What now?

PAM

Um, I was up on the roof a couple minutes ago [beat] and I heard a cat meowing, but I couldn’t find it. It’s really cold [beat] I’m afraid it’s going to freeze.

ANGELA

(immediately serious)

How did it sound?

PAM

(unsure)

Like it was going to freeze.

ANGELA

(gets up quickly from the table)

How would a cat get up on the roof?

PAM

(gets up as well)

The ventilation system?

ANGELA

(worriedly)

God, poor thing. Come on.

ANGELA and PAM both dash out of the Break Room.

CUT TO: INT. Main Office

The camera shows PAM and ANGELA walking very briskly from the back of the office, towards the front door. While they walk fast, both look around to see if they are arousing any suspicion. They don’t, except for JIM who smiles when PAM passes him. They both grab their coats from the coat rack and leave the office.

CUT TO: INT. Stair Well

ANGELA and PAM are both in their coats and in the building’s stair well. As they climb, they talk, and the camera follows behind them frantically.

ANGELA

How did the meowing sound?

PAM

Um, it [beat] distressed? That’s why I need your help, you know so much about cats, I don’t.

ANGELA

Yes, I do. [beat] Ash is doing very well by the way.

PAM

Oh that’s [beat] good. I’m glad.

ANGELA

Mmm-hmm.

They ascend another floor in silence.

ANGELA (cont.)

Why were you on the roof?

PAM

Uh [beat] I was smoking.

ANGELA sighs. Neither woman says anything more until they get to the top floor and the roof door.

ANGELA

(seriously)

Let me handle this Pam. Cats can be very fragile. They need somebody to speak to them with love, but also authority, and [beat] that’ s not you. So…

PAM

(interrupting impatiently)

Yeah, okay. Just open the door, Angela.

ANGELA glares for a second, but then opens the door and walks through. Behind her, PAM waits until ANGELA is through the door and then closes it shut.

PAM (cont.)

(looks at camera)

It’s okay, Dwight has the key.

CUT TO: EXT. Office Roof

The Office Roof is seen through a zoom from the closest building. It is decorated with a life-sized Nativity Scene or Crèche, illuminated softly by the lights of a replica Star of Bethlehem which is situated on a pole a dozen or so feet above the scene itself. Additional lighting comes from the orange streetlights that surround the building. DWIGHT stands next to the baby Jesus, while ANGELA remains next to the door.

DWIGHT

Merry Christmas Angela.

ANGELA

Mer-Merry Christmas Dwight. [beat] Is there a cat up here?

DWIGHT

No, I—that was a lie.

ANGELA

(crosses her arms)

I see.

DWIGHT

I’m sorry.

ANGELA

Aren’t you always?

DWIGHT

Please, Monkey, I—

(looks around at the decorations)

I did this all for you. I wanted you to have a real Christmas.

ANGELA

Yes, well, you [beat] didn’t need to.

DWIGHT takes several steps towards ANGELA.

DWIGHT

(seriously)

Andy told me.

ANGELA

(apprehensively)

Told you what?

DWIGHT

About what you said [beat] about what you say when he kisses your neck.

ANGELA

(very flustered)

I don’t [beat] he wouldn’t discuss…

DWIGHT

(interrupting)

He told me you say ‘D’.

ANGELA is obviously surprised at his, and reaches back into her pocket for her handkerchief.

DWIGHT (cont.)

(looking at her handkerchief and said softly)

You still have my handkerchief?

ANGELA

(pulling it away from her face)

You must have left it at my place.

DWIGHT

(nods)

Monkey, I miss you, and…

(pauses to think for a moment, and takes a breath)

I support you. In everything. In Christmas, with your cats..

ANGELA

(quietly interrupts)

You hate them. I know you do.

DWIGHT

(emotionally)

I’m sorry about Sprinkles. What I did was wrong. I’m just [beat] please forgive me. I love you, and I don’t want to spend Christmas without you [beat] and with Mose.

ANGELA

(crying)

I just—I don’ t know

(sobs)

Andy.

DWIGHT

I am better than Andy.

(determinedly)

I am stronger, faster,

(thinks for a second and softens a little)

I support you more. He doesn’t care about what you want, not like I do.

ANGELA and DWIGHT stand a couple feet apart for five or six seconds looking at each other in the glow of the Star of Bethlehem, and then suddenly, ANGELA runs the distance between them and hugs him.

DWIGHT

I love you Monkey.

As they embrace, DWIGHT lifts ANGELA off the ground so that he is hugging her and supporting her at the same time.

CUT TO: INT. Main Office

PAM and JIM are leaned up on opposite sides of the doorframe that leads to the kitchen. They are both watching the party.

JIM

So, how do you think they’re doing?

PAM

(thoughtfully)

Mmm, Angela isn’t going to be easy to crack.

JIM

(nods)

Well, I can’t carry another Nativity Scene up that many flights of stairs at five in the morning again. [beat] Plus, I gave Dwight some pretty good lines.

PAM

(looks over at JIM suspiciously)

So you’re saying you could pick up Angela if you wanted to?

JIM

(smiles and opens up his arms to PAM, who shuffles over slightly and leans into his embrace, and says with some joviality)

No, I’ve got everything I want right here.

PAM

(leans back into him a little)

Mmm-hmm. Yeah, well, I’ve got everything I want too [beat] except a sketchpad.

JIM

(laughs)

You seemed very worried about this sketchpad.

PAM

I am…

JIM

(interrupting)

And a lot less worried about what’s going to hold it up.

PAM turns around in his embrace, and smiles widely.

PAM

(excitedly)

You didn’t!

JIM

(innocently)

What? Get you an easel with your name engraved on it? Oh, uh, yeah, I did.

PAM reaches up and kisses JIM and then hugs him.

PAM

(softly)

Merry Christmas.

JIM

(smiles and puts his head down on top of hers)

Merry Christmas.

END OF ACT FOUR

TAG

INT. Main Office

Everyone else has left the office, except for TOBY, who is standing in front of the Conference Room window, where only his tube sock remains. Before he reaches for it he looks around and doesn’t notice the camera. He pulls it off the wall and dumps the contents into his hand, two charcoal briquettes.

TOBY

(despondently)

It’s not even real coal.

END OF EPISODE