Early last June, a book club started at Dunder Mifflin. Here is what we know:

Oscar groaned as he looked through the first few papers in the stack.

Pam gave him a sympathetic shrug, “Hey, at least Creed didn’t apply.”

“They’re all philistines,” Oscar waved the evidence.

Pam looked down at her folded hands as she ventured to say, “Maybe we should just let anyone join who wants to join.”

“Oh, you want to talk art and literature with Michael? Be my guest,” Oscar started to stand as if he would leave.

“Wait,” Pam made a calming motion. “Did anyone put any good answers?”

Oscar laughed dryly, “So far that would be a ‘no’.”

Pam tried not to smile. She wondered if it would be okay to show Jim the answers or if Oscar would get mad, “Okay, well what did everyone put?”

Oscar peevishly began reading the first application, “First question: Name an author who was pivotal to the development of the modern biography.”

Pam repeated her earlier sentiment, “That was a tough question.”

“They’ve got the internet at their fingertips, Pam,” Oscar pointed out. He read aloud, “So Phyllis put 'William Shakespeare'.”

“Okay,” Pam tried to think of a way that it could sorta be a right answer. “He did write about a lot of character driven stories. Character development? The histories…”

Oscar set Phyllis’ paper down on the table with finality, “He didn’t write biographies, Pam. He wrote plays.” Oscar briefly glanced at the next paper, “Kelly put Britney Spears.” Pam rolled her eyes. Oscar continued on, “And Stanley put ‘I don’t want to be a member of this club.’”

“Nice,” Pam said.

“Finally, someone intelligent. Toby put 'Plutarch',” Oscar looked slightly impressed as did Pam. She would never have put Plutarch. She was actually kind of glad that she didn’t have to answer these questions. Oscar sighed as he read the next application. “On the other side of the spectrum, we have Kevin who put 'George Washington'. George Washington founded our country, therefore Kevin thinks he founded biographies." Oscar paused, “And Angela put ‘God’. Right. That would be a fruitful discussion.”

“Well, God did in theory write the Bible and it …” Pam stopped talking because she could see Oscar’s face had gone stone cold. At this rate, she thought, there wouldn’t be anyone in her book club.

“Michael must have copied off of Dwight,” Oscar held up the two papers side by side. Both had the same answer, 'James Boswell'.

Pam was not remotely shocked that Michael had stolen Dwight’s answer. She was just surprised that Dwight hadn’t changed his own answers to protect Michael from getting caught. The bizarre answer they had given finally hit her, “James Boswell? Who’s James Boswell? Is he that guy on Charlie’s Angels?”

Oscar raised an eyebrow, “He wrote the Biography of Samuel Johnson. They probably looked up ‘biography’ on Wikipedia and thought it sounded intelligent.” Which is exactly what Dwight had done and it was exactly what Michael had thought.. “Meredith put 'Jackie Collins'….” Oscar paused to consider the answer in all it’s hideous glory. “And Jim put ‘Secrets of a Callgirl’.”

“What?” Pam’s mouth dropped open.

Oscar didn’t look amused as he kept reading, “Then he put, ‘just kidding, how about Diary of Anne Frank?”

Pam nodded, “Anne Frank’s a pretty good answer.”

“He’s too flippant. He’ll just make jokes the whole time. Sometimes he’s worse than Michael,” Oscar looked deadly serious.

“Oh…I don’t know,” Pam mumbled.

“At least Michael shows respect for art and literature, even if he doesn’t actually recognize it when it’s in the room.” There was an uncomfortable silence. Oscar turned over the applications to start at the top. “Second question,” He knew it was pointless to argue with Pam when it came to Jim and god knows he needed someone to talk to now that he and Gil had split up. “Name one famous fresco, who painted it, and where it is located.”

Pam interrupted, “I wish we’d just put ‘painting’. Name a famous painting. There aren’t many…”

“Wikipedia, Pam. They all know how to use it,” Oscar wouldn’t give any quarter. He read the first one, “Phyllis. 'The Last Supper'..”

“Oh! That’s a good one! She should be in the club,” Pam said excitedly.

“by Michaelangelo in the Louvre,” Oscar’s voice oozed disdain.

“Oh,” Pam went back to examining her hands.

“Kelly describes in detail the painting on the wall at Giovanni’s Pizza Parlor. And… Stanley put ‘I’m just filling in the blanks so Phyllis will stop asking me if I'm joining.’ Here we go.” Oscar’s voice suddenly became animated, “Toby. His favorite fresco is the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo in the Vatican, Rome!”

Pam did a little fist pump, “Toby’s in.”

Oscar bumped her fist. “Toby’s in.”

When Oscar bent his head to look at the next application, Pam discreetly gave Toby the thumbs up. He’d been watching them from his desk ever since they’d walked into the breakroom carrying the applications. Pam felt better seeing how happy he was at being accepted. His eyes had simply lit up. It was so rare to see that.

Oscar's voice brought her back to the matter at hand, “Next up, Kevin talks about Spaghetti al Fresco…. And Angela’s put the Last Supper.” Pam was about to say ‘Angela’s in’ when Oscar’s derisive tone forestalled her, “however, she’s misspelled Leonardo da Vinci’s name.” Pam shrugged. She didn’t think spelling should really count since they wouldn’t be doing any writing in the Book Club. Oscar obviously had higher standards. “Michael and Dwight's answers…”

“Oh boy,” Pam waited expectantly.

“Word for word exactly the same. ‘The Last Supper by Leondard da Vinci’, spelled correctly, ‘in the Sta Maria delle Grazie’.”

“And Michael spelled that correctly,” Pam was surprised. Usually when he cheated off her notepad, he misspelled anything above two syllables.

“Apparently,” Oscar nodded. He dismissed Michael and Dwight to the reject pile. “Next we have Meredith’s brilliant ‘Fresca soda pop’ painted by ‘that famous guy with the hair’? It is supposedly found in the ‘New York Art Museum’.” Oscar looked at the final paper. “And finally Jim…. ‘Rumor has it that the winning answer is 'The Last Supper by Da Vinci'. Angela says it’s in Milan and Phyllis says it’s in the Louvre. So I’ll say Rome.’” Oscar didn’t crack a smile. “Funny. Two seconds of research on the internet and he would have known whether it was in Milan, the Louvre, or the New York Art Museum.”

Pam tried to be considerate, “Well, he did put a fresco and its painter. And he got it in the right country… Two out of three?”

“This isn’t a game, Pam,” Oscar admonished. “Do you think he’ll even bother reading the book we choose if he won’t even bother doing the research on one easy question?”

Pam shrugged.

“Final question,” Oscar rubbed his eyes. This was just so painful. “What is your idea of a gourmet meal?”

Pam nodded vigorously. This had been her question and she was sure that everyone could answer it. It was easy! How could you mess up food? Just put lobster and wine, if nothing else...

“Phyllis.” Oscar set down the paper and put his head in his hands.

Pam waited a few seconds before gingerly pulling Phyllis’ answers across the table. She quietly read aloud, “Steak Tartare and onions, Strawberries dipped in Chocolate, and Champagne.”

“I think I’m going to be ill,” Oscar said.

“Well, those are all Gourmet foods, at least…” Pam didn’t tell Oscar that she’d given Phyllis the Steak Tartare suggestion to oomph up Phyllis’ original steak and onions. She’d assumed that Phyllis would drop the onions.

Keeping an eye on Oscar’s slightly green face, Pam read Kelly’s recipe for a gourmet meal, “A really cute waiter who carries a towel on his arm, cloth tablecloths, gold plates, and ballgowns.”

Oscar waved his hand, “Next.”

Pam read Stanley’s answer to herself, ‘Bibbity bobbity boo, coo coo cachoo .’ Really, Pam thought, sometimes Stanley was just annoying. So he didn't want to be in the club, he didn't have to be rude about it. She set the paper back down. Why bother Oscar with Stanley's insulting answer. “Next is Toby…” she said.  Oscar looked up hopefully. “He says, ‘I love a nice French dinner. Starting with an…” Pam didn’t know how to say the next word, ‘andouille', so she stopped.

“Go on…” Oscar said encouragingly.

Pam glossed over the word, “A nice quiche. A sliver of roast pork with apricot glaze.’” Pam looked up, “Yum!”

Oscar nodded, “What did he put for dessert?”

“A Napoleon pastry?” Pam was going to have to look that one up.

“Toby’s definitely in,” Oscar straightened. “Kelly is definitely out.”

“Stanley, too,” Pam said quickly. She’d rather have Kelly than Stanley, that was for sure. At least Kelly would be excited about being invited.

Pam handed Oscar Michael’s answer sheet while she took up Dwight’s. They read aloud in unison.“Dom Perignon, Caviar, Lobster Bisque, Foie Gras, Waldorf Salad, a baguette, Oysters Florentine, Filet Mignon, Ratatouille, Stuffed Portabello Mushrooms, and a linzertorte with whipped cream.” By the end, they were both laughing.

Pam suddenly stopped laughing, “Hey, Dwight couldn’t have written this!”

“Why not,” Oscar figured Dwight had simply copied the Frenchiest foods he could find off the internet. Which is exactly what Dwight had done.

She marshaled her thoughts, “Because he doesn’t mention beets! He’s said that kings used to fight each other on account of beet distribution. I'm pretty sure he called them the beet wars. He probably thinks they're the only real gourmet food!”

Oscar looked over the list again. “Doesn’t say what the mushroom is stuffed with…”

Pam nodded seriously as she looked at her list, “Or the linzertorte…”

“So? Denied membership?” Oscar asked in a teasing voice.

“Oh, totally. Next?”

Oscar flipped over the second to last paper, “Meredith.”

“Oh god,” Pam hoped there was something mentioned besides alcohol.

“Grey Goose Martini. Penne with Vodka Sauce. Cherries Jubilee. White wine spritzer?” Oscar made a face at the last entry.

Pam’s forehead wrinkled in deep thought. “I can’t imagine Meredith drinking a white wine spritzer.”

Oscar rolled his eyes. “Last week, I ordered that at a bar where we stopped after work…”

There was a pause as Pam considered whether or not to question why Oscar would go to a bar with Meredith. She decided that it was his own business so she filled the awkward pause by teasing, “Oh…so she’s trying to sway the judges with insider knowledge?”

“Hardly. The spritzer was awful,” Oscar said. “Application denied.”

Pam quickly snatched the last paper and read it over. She tried to stop the blush that she could feel starting at the bottom of her toes. Aloud, she blurted, “Uh.. Jim put ‘shrimp fettucini, the house wine, and a good conversationalist’. I think that’s a good answer!”

Oscar sighed. “All right. Jim is in... on a trial basis.” He was still not convinced that Jim had the right attitude about the finer things in life.

Toby was delighted when he heard the news. Jim less so.

“So,” Jim whispered as he leaned against reception an hour later. “Any interest in a gourmet meal tonight?”

Pam’s blush finally reached her face. She glanced around before nodding ‘yes’. Jim tapped the counter several times as if he were about to say something…. But nothing came and he finally turned and returned to his desk.

Once the coast was clear, Pam opened the application and re-read his final answer, “gf covered in chocolate sauce.”