Exhausted from lack of sleep, coaching, taking care of the kids all day, and worrying about Pam, he fell into bed that night needing respite. However, his mind refused to let go of the endless soundtrack running through his brain. Over and over he asked Pam if she was having an affair. The ensuing silence was like a weight pressing on his chest.
 
When he drifted into sleep he dreamt back to that windswept day on the beach when he had proposed to her. She had been so happy then. So had he.

He dreamed next of their wedding day. How beautiful she had looked coming down the stairs of the inn with her father. How tightly she had held him when they danced together. How perfect it was when they made love. How much fun they had on their honeymoon in Key West.
 
Less than a year after they gotten married, he’d been offered a great job with a huge salary increase which involved a move to California. They’d mulled it over for about three seconds before deciding to take it. Pam was so excited to get away from Scranton. And California seemed so exotic.
 
They were happy in their new home. Using it as a base, they spent a few years traveling up and down the west coast. They took longer trips to Hawaii, Mexico, Alaska – wherever they could.

Jim was eager to start a family but he also wanted to see the world with Pam and let her sketch it all if it made her happy. It did. And one day he had come home from work and she jumped into his arms and told him she was ready. She wanted to have a baby.
 
He was a natural at being a father. When Elizabeth was born he could scarcely take his eyes off her for the first few weeks. He couldn’t believe he and Pam had made this perfect little person together. And he never admitted it to himself, but having a child with Pam had finally allowed him to feel more secure in their connection. All those years of uncertainty - of loving Pam and not having her - had taken more of a toll on his psyche than he had realized.
 
With only each other, they had started a new life far away from all that was familiar and it had made them even more in love then they thought possible. It was as wonderful as Jim always imagined it would be. She was his best friend, his lover, mother to his children and he felt there was nothing he couldn’t do.
 
They had never intended to stay permanently in California but right after their youngest child was born, Jim’s company reorganized and suddenly his job was gone. He was offered a comparable position in Florida. Neither of them was excited about the move. The plan had been to go from California back east to be near their families. Unfortunately, their options were limited and he took the transfer.
 
As soon as they got to Florida, Pam was unhappy. She supported Jim, though, and tried to get involved in some local activities and make friends. The company had relocated them to one of those gated developments where all the houses look alike and it offended all her artistic sensibilities. She hated the other mothers who were always competing with each other. When she got sick, it was easy for her to let herself get depressed since she was already halfway there.
 
Jim suddenly wasn’t sure if he was awake or sleeping. Had he been dreaming or reminiscing?

As he was mulling it over, he felt Pam get into bed. She settled in as far on her side as she could possibly get. Then he knew for certain he was awake.

He lay there needing badly to touch her. He wanted to take her in his arms and show her he still loved her - still needed her. But he was haunted by her silence in response to his question. Immobilized by the vision of her with another man. It was a vision he had hoped never to have again after she left Roy.
 
Sleep was overtaking him again when he felt her shift in bed. Sheets rustled as she moved toward him. Then he felt her hand, small and tentative, reach over to rest on his hip. Much as he yearned to roll over and embrace her, he didn’t want to press his luck and risk alienating her. He settled his hand on top of hers.

When she entwined her fingers in his, he smiled in the dark. He waited for her to make the next move but she remained still. He finally let the aching tiredness in his bones take over, content for now with her attempt to bridge the gap between them.