ACT TWO
INT. THE OFFICE-KITCHEN
Jim is drinking a grape soda as Dwight stands
near him, arms crossed. We see them through the
the windows of the kitchen.
DWIGHT(irritated)
I just don’t understand why we
have to talk to Toby about this.
JIM
I see we’ve forgotten the Andy mace
incident. You now have to register
all weapons with Toby. New office
policy.
DWIGHT
But I’m not using it on people!
JIM
Doesn’t matter… come on, you can’t
be in violation of office policy,
can you? Letter of the law, and all
that. Let’s just go back there, get
it done… ok?
They both walk towards Toby’s area. Jim
looks at the camera as he passes, amused.
INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA
Andy is walking away from Pam and her
parents, obviously annoyed. Pam follows.
PAM
I’m… I’m sorry, Andy. I didn’t mean…
ANDY
Well, THANKS, Pam! It’s not a complete…
impossibility that you and I could be
dating, you know!
PAM
I know… you’re right…and I’m sorry.
You’re absolutely right. It’s NOT
an impossibility.
ANDY
Thank you! (He stalks off)
Pam turns back to her parents and lowers her voice.
PAM
It’s an impossibility.
INT. THE OFFICE-TOBY’S DESK
Toby is turned in his chair facing a standing
Dwight. Jim is crouched in Kelly’s cubicle.
He motions for Kelly to be quiet.
TOBY(confused)
You need a… what? A Pro… what?
DWIGHT(rolling his eyes)
A Proton Accelerator.
TOBY
What does it do?
DWIGHT(more irritated)
A Proton Accelerator fires a stream
of charged particles that will
immobilize any ectoplasmic entity,
enabling them to be captured
and placed in a ghost trap.
Jim hunches over more, trying not to laugh.
Kelly shakes her head and keeps working.
TOBY
Ghost? (pause) Where is Jim?
Do I hear you over there, Jim?
Jim covers his mouth and looks at the camera,
trying to keep the laughter in. Kelly starts
to silently laugh, too.
INT. THE OFFICE-DWIGHT AND JIM’S DESKS
Pam is kind of herding her parents over
to Jim’s desk.
PAM(uneasy)
This is Jim’s desk. I, uh… I don’t
know where Jim has gotten to… I still
can’t believe you came to my job with-
out telling me first…
MR. BEESLY
Well, my father used to always say “You
can learn a lot about a man by the work
he does.”
PAM(squinting at her father)
Grandpa never said that!
Mr. Beesly(laughing)
Well… still.
Pam and her parents stand in front of Dwight’s
desk, Pam looking a little stressed.
PAM
Ok, uh… Just… stay right there and I’ll…
I’ll go find Jim. (to herself) Where are
you, Jim?
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM(annoyed)
So we’re expecting the CEO of a major
company today… and then my PARENTS show
up unexpectedly. So let me check my re-
vised itinerary for today…(pantomimes
looking thru a datebook) Oh, great! God
will be here at 3:30!(stares at camera)
INT. THE OFFICE-DWIGHT AND JIM’S DESKS
Pam is about to walk towards the
kitchen when the phone rings.
PAM
Oh! Um… let me get that first. It might
be important… (her parents start to follow)
Um… stay there, I’ll…
Pam heads to reception. Over her shoulder
we see into the kitchen. Jim and Dwight
have just entered, back from seeing Toby.
INT. THE OFFICE-THE KITCHEN
Dwight is annoyed, standing by the sink
as Jim smiles at the camera in the
kitchen with them.
DWIGHT
Toby… is an idiot!!
JIM
Whoa, easy, there, ghostbuster.
He has to think about the well
being of the office.
DWIGHT
Why did you have to tell him it
was nuclear? If he won’t let me
have nun chucks he CERTAINLY won’t
let me have a nuclear proton
accelerator!
JIM
I’m sorry… full disclosure. Would
you want me to lie to him?
DWIGHT(reluctantly)
No…
JIM
So we’ll find another way. It might
require a few overnights, though…
DWIGHT
Whatever. We have to stop…
Dwight looks out towards reception.
His mouth falls open.
DWIGHT
Jim! JIM!
JIM
What’s wrong? What are you looking…
Over their shoulders we see through the window.
Pam’s parents are standing exactly where Jim’s
photos had the ghosts standing. Jim fights back a
laugh. He pulls himself together.
JIM
…at? What’s the problem?
DWIGHT
Oh my God. They’ve come thru. They’re
fully visible!(looks at Jim, back out,
then at Jim again. Jim is looking back
and forth, confused.)
DWIGHT(continued)
Don’t you see them?!?
JIM
See who? What are you talking about?
Dwight looks at Jim. His face is almost
demented looking.
DWIGHT(whispering)
The invasion has begun. And I’m our
only hope.
JIM
Dwight, buddy… maybe you should
take a nap or something…
DWIGHT
No! I have… to confront them…
To defeat them!
Dwight comes out of the kitchen and approaches
Pam’s parents. He is obviously terrified.
INT. THE OFFICE- DWIGHT’S DESK
Dwight stops a good distance away from Pam’s
parents and stares at them. They look back puzzled.
DWIGHT(scared)
This… this office is protected by me.
I will find a way… to stop you!
Pam’s parents look at each other and then back
to Dwight.
MRS. BEESLY
You… must be Dwight.
Dwight’s eyes practically bulge out of his head.
He dashes past The Beeslys and out of the office.
MR. BEESLY
That’s the… dorky, crazy one, right?
MRS. BEESLY
Uh… yes.
Jim comes out of the kitchen, laughing. He
approaches the Beeslys.
JIM
Oh, my God… Pam is a GENIUS! Where
did she find you guys…?
MRS. BEESLY(smiling)
Jim?
JIM(leaning forward)
Mrs… Beesly?
Just then Pam comes over and practically
latches onto Jim.
PAM(forced)
There you are!(laughs)My mom and dad
are here! To see us!
JIM(nervous)
I… wow… Hi!
Jim shakes Mr. Beesly’s hand and is taken aback.
Mr. Beesly is as tall as Jim and broader than him.
JIM
Whoa. Um… It’s really great to finally
meet you two…(shakes Mrs. Beesly’s hand,
and starts to nervously roll down his
sleeves. He leans over to Pam)
JIM(continued, but lower)
Did I… know… about this? I don’t…
PAM
No… it’s… a surprise!
JIM(smiling)
Oh.(pause)Awesome.
MR. BEESLY
Yeah… I kinda like to see people in
their… natural habitat. You know?
Pam’s mom smiles and shrugs and Jim and Pam
look at each other. They force a smile and
look back at Pam’s parents.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
So now… I feel like I’m in a big game
preserve like in Kenya or something…
and Pam’s parents are watching us
through binoculars. I guess mating is
out of the question.(shakes head) Maybe
I should hunt something down and kill it,
like a good provider would. Y’know, like…
chase Dwight around the office and bite
his neck until he’s dead… and then drag
him back to Pam so we can both eat him.
(pause) Wow. That’s… that’s one the strangest
things I’ve ever said…
INT. THE OFFICE-DWIGHT’S DESK
Phyllis comes over to Jim and Pam.
PHYLLIS
Pam… are these your parents?
PAM
Oh! Yes… um, mom, dad. This is Phyllis.
MRS. BEESLY
It’s nice to meet you.
MR. BEESLY
Hello.
PHYLLIS(excited)
It is SO nice to meet you!(shaking hands)
We love your daughter!(leans in) I’ve been
rooting for these two for a long time!
Stanley, Oscar, Kevin, Angela come over. There is
mass handshaking and greeting. Meredith stands next
to Pam, who has stood off to the side.
MEREDITH
That’s your DAD, Pam? Wow, what a stud.
PAM(turns to her, shocked)
What?
MEREDITH
I know he’s your father and
all… but I would totally do him.
PAM
Meredith! The… the woman standing
right next to him… MY MOTHER… is
the ONLY woman that gets to do him!
(pause) I CAN’T believe… I just
said that.
Pam walks away and Meredith turns her head
to the side, checking Pam’s dad out. Pam
stands by the conference room. Angela comes
over to her.
ANGELA
Your parents are very nice, Pam.
Respectful. God fearing.
PAM
Um… thanks.
ANGELA
So… they are here to evaluate Jim.
PAM
No. No, they’re… taking us to lunch.
ANGELA
A lunch evaluation. Hm. Jim could’ve at
least gotten another haircut.
PAM
Um, thank you, Angela…
Pam walks over to the kitchen, shaking her head.
She is standing near the door when Kelly steps
through.
KELLY
OhmiGod, Pam, I just heard that your
parents are here! That is so nice!
They are gonna love, Jim!
PAM(arms crossed, obviously nervous)
I hope so…
KELLY
How could they not? Jim is SO awesome,
and SO good to you! They’ll love him!
(pause) Not like my parents… they hated
Ryan! Stupid “I’m saving for an Xbox”
Ryan! Bastard! I hate him! I hope he
wrecks his shiny new…
PAM(about to lose it)
Kelly! I can’t… excuse me, I have to…
Pam practically runs over to Jim who is also
standing back from the meeting frenzy.
PAM(head in hands)
Oh my GOD, Jim. This is SO not how I
pictured you meeting my parents!
JIM
Yeah… The office was number forty-seven
on my list of places to meet them… right
after Guantanamo Bay.
Pam laughs.
JIM
But before hell… so… there’s that.
Jim gets close and looks into Pam’s eyes. You can completely see the love he has for her.
JIM
It’ll be ok, Beesly. Don’t let it
stress you. By tomorrow we’ll be
laughing about this. Ok?
PAM(smiling)
Ok…
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM
Yeah, I felt a lot better when Jim
said that. He’s really good at that…
making you feel better. I’m… really
lucky to have him…(She pauses and looks
somewhat wistful)Um… so yeah, I feel
better. I… still want to murder my
parents… but… at least I feel better
about it.
INT. THE OFFICE-JIM’S DESK
Michael exits his office, puzzled as
to all the hubbub. Pam comes over.
MICHAEL
Who…?
PAM
Um… Michael… um… my parents dropped in!
But… I can tell them that this… isn’t
a good…
MICHAEL
Wow, really? The Bees knees are here?
That’s great! Let me, um, go meet them!
I gotta tell them how much we love our
darling Pam-entine!
PAM
Oh, God.
MICHAEL
Hello! Michael Scott, manager of Dunder-
Mifflin, Scranton… and Pam’s boss.
They all shake hands.
MRS. BEESLY
Hello!
MR. BEESLY
Nice to meet you. I hope we’re not
getting in the way. We came to take
these two to lunch… but (looks at watch)
we’re a little early.
MRS. BEESLY(smiling)
He was SO anxious to get here…
MR. BEESLY(rolls eyes, smiles)
So if you need us to leave…
MICHAEL
No, no, no, no, no, don’t be silly!
Please stay! Hang out! Mi casa es
su casa!(sweeps hands dramatically)
Or.. um… (turns to Jim) how do you
say office in Spanish?
JIM
Um… Officia.
MICHAEL(laughing)
That’s OFFICER, Jim. Heh. Great
salesman, sucks at Spanish. (laughs)
So, um… I just wanted to tell you.
You have a great daughter and…
(stands closer to Mr. Beesly)
Whoa. I just noticed how, uh…
tall you are. Wow. How did you
have a midget like Pam?
Mr. And Mrs. Beesly both frown at him.
MICHAEL
Uh… not midget… little person, right?
That’s how you’re supposed to… Um, SO,
is this your first time meeting Jim?
MRS. BEESLY
Um… yes.
MICHAEL
Jim… is a great guy. Great co-worker,
very trust-worthy. Except for earlier
today… when he was conspiring with
my boss behind my back.(laughs nervously)
Still a… good guy though…
The Beeslys look at Jim somewhat suspiciously.
A wide-eyed Jim shakes his head at them.
MICHAEL(continued)
I gotta tell ya, Jim has been into Pam
for so long… UH, not, you know, literally
into… (laughs) That’s… just a y’know… a
saying. I’m… I’m sure they only recently
starting having sex… (pause) I mean… Not
that your sweet… uh… VERY innocent Pam
is having sex… Uh, if she is she’s… uh,
probably only done it once or twice…
PAM(covering face)
Michael…
MICHAEL
BUT, uh, I am the reason that they are
together. I told Jim to not give up.
“Never give up, never surrender!”(laughs)
Galaxy Trek.(pause) So, uh… he just busted
that wedding up, you know?(pauses, looks
back and forth at the Beeslys, who are really
staring at him)
MICHAEL(continued)
I mean, he didn’t break it up… Well… he did,
that’s… that’s what Pam said.(points at Pam)
PAM(almost pleading)
Michael…
MICHAEL
But I mean… who wouldn’t? Your daughter is
pretty hot… I mean, she doesn’t show a lot, but…
Michael motions around his chest area.
Mr. Beesly steps towards him.
MR. BEESLY
Is there something… wrong with you?!?
PAM
Michael, Toby needs you in the back! GO!!
MICHAEL
Uh, ok.
Michael hurriedly heads towards the kitchen.
The Beeslys look at Pam and Jim, stunned.
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM(hand over face)
OhmiGod, ohmiGod, OH. MY. GOD. I… I think
I cringed SO much that I pulled something.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
Wow…(shakes head) You know… (laughs) Pam
never thought that this was a good idea
but… I’ve always said that there should
be a thing at Great Adventure or something
called the Michael Scott Experience. You
know, just have people come into a tent and
meet Michael for the first time. By the end
they’ll look like they were on Rolling Thunder
or something… (makes a shaky, stunned face,
then laughs again) Wow.
THE OFFICE INT. DWIGHT’S DESK
Everyone is still sort of recovering from Michael.
Mr. Beesly tries to break the ice.
MR. BEESLY
So Jim… um… what… were you saying
when you walked up to us earlier?
JIM
Oh! Um… I was… um… (laughs) sort of
having fun with Dwight and I thought
Pam had, um… kinda added to the prank.
MR. BEESLY
Prank. Ok… so you do that sort of
thing at work often?
JIM
No! I, uh… hardly ever…
Kevin pipes up from behind Mr. Beesly.
KEVIN
You kidding? Jim is the prank-
MASTER. He’s CONSTANTLY getting
Dwight… (laughs) It’s great.(nods)
Jim laughs nervously and looks at
Kevin like ‘Thanks a LOT, dude.”
JIM(to Mr. Beesly)
Um… By then I’m… usually done with
my work… all caught up… y’know?
MR. BEESLY
Uh-huh.
Jim gives the camera an “oh, man” look.
INT. THE OFFICE-CREED AND MEREDITH’S AREA
Jim, Pam and her parents are standing right
behind Creed as he taps away on his keyboard.
JIM(To the Beeslys)
Um… you may not want to…
MR. BEESLY
No, really. We want to meet all
of your co-workers…
JIM(apprehensive)
Ok… um… Hey, Creed.
(Creed turns in his chair)
Um… I wanted to introduce you…
CREED
Hey. Are these your parents, um…?
JIM
Jim. And no, these aren’t my parents. They…
CREED
Oh… I see… these are the parents of
that chick you’re seeing.
JIM(laughing, embarrassed)
That chick… yeah…
CREED
What’s her name…
(snaps fingers)
Karen!
JIM
No…
MR. BEESLY
Karen? (To Pam)I thought they were…
(To Jim) You’re still seeing her?
JIM
No! Of course not!
CREED
Wait… you’re not seeing Karen anymore?
Why would you bring her parents here, then?
JIM
They aren’t… Jesus, Creed…
PAM(pushing everyone along)
Um… alright. Thanks, Creed!
The group goes past Creed’s desk
and then past Meredith.
PAM
And that’s Meredith! Say hi, Meredith.
MEREDITH
Hey… (checks out at Pam’s dad)
MR. BEESLY
Nice to meet…
PAM(pushing everyone)
Moving along!
They all leave.
CREED(to Meredith)
Can you explain to me why Karen’s parents
are here? I still don’t get that.
Meredith rolls her eyes and watches them go.
THE OFFICE-INT. TOBY’S DESK
Pam, Jim and the Beesly’s are all crowded
into Toby’s area.
PAM
And this is Toby. Human Resources.
Toby… my parents.
TOBY(standing)
Oh, hello! It’s a pleasure to meet you!
We love your daughter here, she brightens
up the whole office.
MR. BEESLY
See? THAT’S how you introduce
yourself to an employees’ parents!
TOBY(to Pam)
Michael?
Pam nods, eyes closed.
TOBY(to the Beeslys)
I’m sorry.
Pam’s parents continue to talk to Toby
as Pam pulls Jim aside.
PAM
What are you doing with the whole
Dwight/ghost thing? I have GOT to
take this out on somebody.
JIM
Pam… I’m not sure your dad approves
of pranks during work hours…
PAM
I approve. He’ll get over it.
They smile at each other.
PAM(playfully)
Besides… who said anything about
it being during work hours?
Jim’s eyebrows shoot up.
INT. THE OFFICE-KEVIN, OSCAR AND ANGELA’S AREA
The three are sitting at their desks talking quietly.
OSCAR
So, wow… meeting Pam’s parents… that’s
a big step.
ANGELA
Oh, yes it is.
KEVIN
Yeah. Hey, have you ever met Gil’s parents?
OSCAR(shaking head)
His parents are dead.
KEVIN
What, from the shock?
Oscar gives Kevin a smiling “Oh, you got me” look.
Angela lets out a little laugh and covers her mouth.
Oscar and Kevin look at her in shock.
OSCAR(smiling)
Angela!
ANGELA(still trying to cover up)
I’m sorry…
OSCAR(to Kevin)
Have you met Stacy’s parents?
KEVIN
Um… I think her parents are dead,
too… (pause) or in Florida. One
or the other.
OSCAR(looks at Angela, then back
to Kevin) Dude, seriously…(starts
laughing) How do you not know that?
Both Oscar and Angela are laughing now.
KEVIN
What?
THE OFFICE-INT. RECEPTION
Dwights peeks his head through the main doors
and continues in, cautiously. Kelly is heading
back towards the kitchen.
DWIGHT
Kelly! Kelly! (he motions her over)
Are they… gone? Well, you wouldn’t
know, you can’t see them…
KELLY
See who? Oh, you mean Pam’s parents?
They’re still here… there they are!
Kelly points towards the kitchen. We
see Pam, Jim and the Beeslys entering the
kitchen, back from visiting Toby.
KELLY
They are so awesome!
DWIGHT(through clenched teeth)
Halpert!
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
So… AS USUAL… I am the victim of another
sophomoric, juvenile Halpert joke! Having
me think that Pam’s parents are, in fact,
the unrestful dead? Very funny, Jim. You
can believe that I will have my revenge on
you, Halpert…(leans forward) just as soon
as I handle the REAL ghost problem we
have here! (Nods)
THE OFFICE-INT. RECEPTION AREA
Pam is seated behind her desk while Jim leans on
the counter. Her parents are seated on the couch
next to them.
JIM
I think we can sneak away
with your parents…
PAM
I don’t know…
JIM
The Mill supervisor said that they
would call when the Neenah guy
was on his way. And then it would
take awhile to get here. Kelly can
call us when the call comes in.
Plenty of time for lunch.
PAM
Well… ok…
Just then a tall, important looking individual
enters the office and approaches reception.
PAM
Um, may I help you?
MAN
Hello. Um… let’s start this off formally.
My name is Peter Loughridge and I am the
CEO of Neenah Paper.
Pam’s eyes widen and she looks at Jim. Jim’s stands straight up and sort of fixes his tie.
JIM
Oh… Hi.
END ACT TWO
Author's Chapter Notes:
So the Beesly's have popped in for a surprise visit. We see everyone's reactions... but honestly. Would you want your parents meeting Michael Scott? Yikes.
