Takes place shortly after TLM. Michael shares his vision for the sequel with Jim. It involves considerably less wardrobe than the original...and possibly 'a dance of forbidden love.' Forgive me.
...AAAND I forgot to add how much I loved the whole interchange where Michael describes the love scene to Jim. It is vintage Michael. He's so ridiculous while at the same time he's right. Why would characters suddenly cover themselves when they're baring themselves to each other? Why is there such a double-standard about nudity in Hollywood? If you were talking about a real "film" you'd expect these considerations. But this is Michael, talking about his movie ... featuring Silverhead, who has precious metal coursing through his veins!
I'd comment on more specifics, but I'd have to copy and paste the whole 1689 words!
This was just golden! So much in character. I loved how Jim was irritated until he realized this whole exchange was something great to bring home to Pam. Of the many great lines in here, for some reason this is the one that got a literal belly laugh from me:
Cece might even become a baby shoe model like their daughter, Simba.
Here's hoping it doesn't take a year for inspiration to strike you again! We miss you around these parts!
Makes me want to go running! Nice back story to the shower comment from the episode.
The Chateau Marmont and Pam's irritation at the beginning had me chuckling. The rest was just ... Hot! Hot! Hot! ... said to the rhythm of the Oh! Oh! Oh! of the song ;-)
Still loving it! When do we find out who knows??
Author's Response: Aww, thanks! We find out soon. Very very soon. Not next chapter though.
Exciting stuff! I did like that, after Pam's little burst of confidence & innuendo, Jim had to get her, uh, started on the actual business at hand. That seemed in character to me.
Oh, and your cylon blew through the chapter too fast. I found a couple of things I missed. (Oops...) I sent you an email with a few more corrections.
There is an Italian_Food over on the boards. Is that not your account? If it is yours, you can PM. me from there. If not, can you please try to send a message to ascharpf at yahoo dot com... even if it's not the chapter?
BTW, I loved this chapter! I love how effective a plot device you've created with Jim's job. Evening though there isn't a PERSON standing between them, Pam & Jim STILL must hide their feelings from everyone else. At least in your scenario, they can be honest with each other. BUT that inconsistency in stories may lead to some interesting wrinkles.
Author's Response: Different Italian Food. Still waiting on my account to be approved for the boards. I think I'll just have to send you an email from my personal email. My fun fic email seems to not be working. Glad you liked this chapter! Next chapter we'll see how they start to or at least try to work on their stories.
Gah! Killing me with the ending. Just be brave, Jim. Be brave.
I really like the interaction with the characters. Nick is good. I'm trying to figure how hard-ass he'll be when he finds out about this little dalliance. I think you're moving things along at a really nice pace. It's believable, this developing relationship. Thanks for the speedy posting!
Author's Response: Thanks Vampiric Blood! Nick will play an important role when everything comes to a head...
I liked this. Can't wait for Jim to break through that 4th wall!
I thought it was cute when Pam reeled herself back to rephrase the question when she answered Jim's question about online dating being her last hope. I also liked that he admitted that he asked about her online dating idea just for himself, not for the show.
Coupla things threw me, though. When Roy & his new wife appeared, I was just waiting for Jim to show up, so I had to reread the first part of that section a few times. I kept thinking they were in a conference room and Roy happened to be there. I thought Pam was meeting JIM's wife and I thought "Oh no." Maybe it was just me. I guess if I'd pressed on and kept reading, it would've been more clear. But a wee bit of scene setting at the beginning would have helped.
And at the end, when Jim said, Tell me about this guy no one seems to talk about? I didn't get it. I didn't remember anyone avoiding talking about Roy. It seemed strange to me that Pam would even know what he was talking about. Did you have something there before that you edited out?
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out. I thought it was clear that Michael was sending Pam to the store for soda, but I'll have to add in some extra stuff like a line before. The Roy thing at the very end... that was something very small that Michael mentioned in the video submission to Jim. I kind of put it in there as something Jim really shouldn't know but has possible watched that little piece of the video tape so many times that it has stuck with him. I apologize for any confusion. And i'll definitely have to go back and edit that a bit. Thank so much for reading and again so sorry for any confusion.
You do know how to keep the plot moving! I like it. I like the way you're developing Jim's character, too. Ambivalence already, and more ambition than he has in the show.
Author's Response: Thanks, Vampiric Blood! We'll start to delve into that ambivalence once Pam becomes a factor.
I feel SO much better now that you say you wrote this back in 2009. I couldn't figure out HOW you could pump this out so fast after finishing Would You Still Love Me!
Nicely done. You've included so much detail. Really nice set up. I'm looking forward to the rest!
I am SO loving this story! I am so intrigued to find out if Jim will just quickly explain all this to Pam or if this dating request will be a temporary snag. I liked the timeline format for this chapter. I don't think you'd want to overuse it, but it worked very well for this chapter, showing Jim's building the tension throughout the day.
You have a really fine grasp of character development, dialogue and pacing. My only constructive criticism is that you sometimes have run on sentences. I think you it would help to have a grammar check beta buddy take a quick look at the chapters before you post them. (VB raises hand to offer services!) If you would want to take me up on my offer, you can PM me from the message boards.
I am hoping you have about 50 more chapters planned! There is so much you could do with this.
It was a real treat to watch this chapter take shape! You did a GREAT job of fleshing out the details to make this chapter really sing. This version truly makes me feel both Pam's & Jim's nervousness, excitement, growing affection...
I can't wait to get the first draft of the next chapter! (That's one of the fun parts of being a beta... I get to see the good stuff first!)
Author's Response: VB, thank you so much for doing all of the work that you did. I'm guess you spent about as much time on that chapter as I did just writing the first draft.
Um, Mr. Bill? I think KH's comment about how she'd love to read more from you was a HINT to write some more!
Author's Response: Uh...oh!
That was really sweet! Very much in character and a perfect build up of tension. Man, I thought you were gonna let them really get to that kiss. Damn that Michael!
Author's Response: Thanks VB and yes, I'm totally with you...damn that Michael!!!
That has GOT to be one of the most beautiful closing sentences of all time! No time for a long review. Heading up to the hospital in Jersey ... Still love this, though!
53 10 Ok, that was not NEARLY enough detail in that first review. Your dialogue was pitch perfect. You hit ALL the topics that I think they would have wanted to talk about. Nothing sounded stilted or cloying. You let Pam and Jim relive their pain even while hope began to take firm hold in their hearts.
Here, have a few stars...
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Author's Response: Thank you, again! I really wanted there to be an element of hope in this conversation so I'm glad that came through. Yes, they're airing their grievances but they know that there's a purpose behind this conversation.
10 THIS IS ABSOTIVELY, POSOLUTELY THE CONVERSATION PAM AND JIM HAD TO HAVE HAD IN THAT FIRST WEEK. You wrote it PERFECTLY!!! I would give you 400 stars if I could.
Author's Response: Yeah! ::Rolls around in stars.::
Well, welcome to the fold! This is a great piece! Would definitely not have thought it was your first piece in years.
Very interesting structure you've chosen. Putting Pam and Jim on the sofa, making out like crazy ... having Pam confess that she loves him ... all BEFORE you give us the set up of the date ... I kind of like that you've eliminated some of that tension for the reader and we know we can just go along for the ride. I especially liked the interchange between Pam and Jim on the steps. It felt very much in character. Don't know why, but I also really liked his note. Stairwell. J. I could envision Jim's dashing that note off and getting the hell out of the office.
I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with this.
Yay!!! SO glad you're back! Gotta get ready for work, so can't write real review...
No, no, not dragging at all! I think the pacing is great. I really do like this end of the evening/flashback format you've chosen.
I've been doing a beta read/commentary for a couple of hours and it's now 2 a.m. I took a quick look at the Most Recent posts and saw this and had to read it – NOW. I'd write more of a review but I truly must get some sleep if I am to function at work tomorrow ... er, today. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. More later...
10 You are one INCREDIBLY POLISHED writer! Great command of language, beautiful details, believable dialogue, good pacing... This CANNOT be the first thing you've written. I am so thoroughly enjoying this piece. I'm hoping for about 40 chapters!
Author's Response: Oh my goodness, thank you! I took a small (three assignments only), creative writing course during my first year of college and I've done a TON of academic/thesis writing but that was beyond tedious. This is the first time I've written fiction since that intro course and I'm really, really enjoying it. The story is just flowing out of me. And the reviews and feedback are definitely keeping me motivated! And don't worry about the chapter count; seeing as I've made it through three chapters and they haven't even gotten in the car yet...I'm thinking the first date alone could add up to forty chapters. :)
10 I just went back and reread the story description. I can't tell you how unspeakably happy I am that this story will span the summer between seasons 3 and 4!! This story should be good for 40 chapters no problem!!
You do an amazing job of conveying so many emotions simultaneously. I am thinking in particular about the little interchange where Jim tells Pam that he is proud of her. There's trepidation, pride, affection, vindication, awe, regret, apology... all of that is clear in a passage in which you used NOT ONE of those words.
You've got a whole three chapters posted but I'd definitely include your name in a list of the most masterful writers on this site.
I'm looking forward to the rest of this story and MANY MORE.
Author's Response: Wow, wow, WOW! Your reviews are so inspiring! Thank you so, SO much! Season 3 was such an awkward, painful time for them right up until the very last few minutes. But when the cameras came back in Season 4, they were a happy, well-adjusted couple. I really wanted to explore want happened in those few months and how their relationship grew and changed. I actually have a ton of ideas for this story so I imagine it'll continue for a quite a while.
Well, I was hoping for THE DATE chapter but this turned out to be QUITE satisfying! I like your portrayal of Jim's feelings for Karen. I like his relationship with his mom. LOVE the callback to the chocolate cake stoty!
Can't wait for more. You sure pump out a lot of high quality chapters at a fast pace, lady!
Author's Response: Well...spoiler alert!...but they still have five days until their date. So... :) And, yes, it's amazing how much writing you can do when you let the dishes and the laundry pile up.
WOW, can you write HOT!!!
I am SO looking forward to your version of the rest of this summer!
Author's Response: Thank you! I want this story to explore all the aspects of their budding romance and I want to include a good dose of the sexy stuff ('cause I like to think that once they finally got together, they had a crazy hot sex life) so I'm glad that aspect of the story is working. That's an area of writing that I get pretty nervous about. I'm really looking forward to spending my summer writing this story!
Love the tension you build throughout each of their days. Great close. But, for some reason, this little tidbit was my favorite detail:
She had never felt like such a girl before. And not in a good way.
She wondered how Kelly managed day after day. It couldn’t be easy.
Author's Response: Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing Kelly.