So it seems like Jim is mostly over how upset he was at Pam. He's willing to giver her another chance at least so that's good. Feels like they need this to get back to a baseline with each other. Though it remains to be see if Pam will stay at Dunder-Mifflin or not. Pam sticking around his place though? I think I see some of their earlier sparks starting to fly. Great to see. Can't wait for more.

Not bad for a first fic. I did notice a slight discrepancy. Just before the robbers enter Dunder Mifflin Jim told Pam to call the "pick up." I think you meant to say police there since when Dwight shows up at the station the cops are getting ready to head out. So there's that.

One of my favorite authors once described writing as, "painting a picture with words." The dialogue here is pretty good. If you add in some more description of what's going on it would help flesh out this story a lot.

For instance writing something like, "Are you implying that I can't shoot? Because you'll regret it when I...," Michael said as he raised the blunderbuss to his shoulder and pulled the trigger. A large cloud of white smoke billowed from the barrel of the gun as Michael started hopping around clutching his shoulder. "MY ARM!! MY ARM!!" Something like that adds a bit more detail to the scene. Hope that helps for your future writing.

Author's Response:

Thank you, warrior4! :)

I guess the first problem is part of the second: in my mind, Jim asked her to call the guy who would pick up the documents, for he was not worried about the noise (offering to go check it by himself and all... I might be wrong for not having watched it all, but I don't see him as the brave guy on the frontline), but Pam ended up calling the police, and only Angela noticed. The lack of description might have even affected the understanding. 

1

*cracks neck and fingers*

Let us begin.

Starting out, Pam standing up to Roy. I was wondering how you'd handle that and you did a masterful job. It feels a lot like how you had Pam break things off with Roy back in "Morning After." However this time the writing is a lot more fleshed out. I actually kind of enjoyed that Roy didn't just back off and whimper at Pam. He's still completely clueless about everything, but the more he fights the more wrong he is. Which in turn adds even more confirmation to Pam about the need to get out of that relationship. The last thing Fancy New Beesly (because lets all agree she's FNB now) needs is an angry man-child for the rest of her life. She's done letting him take her for granted and he has no reply. Other than knee-jerk anger that is, which of course is typical. I did really like it that because of all this, the way for Pam to break up with him is for him to break up with her. I can see in the future how that would hopefully prevent Roy from trying the whole Season 3 chicken-or-fish do everything I can to get her back routine that just annoys everyone. It's the hard clean break that everyone needs. Pam's ready for this of course by now which of course leaves her free.

Now, onto Jim. Once again Jim is great here. He's just there for her. Well done Jim, good boy. Have a Scooby snack, or maybe a few more jellybeans. In fact have all the jelly beans. Even Bertie Bots earwax flavored ones. You can use them as prank ammo I'm sure. Seriously though, your Jim and Pam banter remains on point here.

Pam's wonder and delight as the day progresses was a joy to read. She's really got the feeling that this will be the last cycle, and she's reveling in it. Granted so much of that is because of the uptick in her friendship with Jim. They always bring out the best in each other and you show that brilliantly.

Still tons of great things from the show. Jinx, 'more than that,' and of course their Casino Night outfits. I loved the image of them at the fun center in their "fancy clothes." Who cares if they're overdressed. They're on a date and having fun and that's the only thing that matters.

Now one thing, I was kind of hoping their fist kiss would be on the deck of the boat. Very VERY minor critique there. The actual kiss itself had me grinning from ear to ear. Especially after I googled what a monkfish really looks like. Good god man! That's the basis for comparison? Yeah, nothing but positives for that.

No you're not a sadist for ending the night the way you did. After how many cycles she's gone through, it makes complete sense that Pam would still on her guard. Especially after the night she just had.

From sparks comes coals. From coals comes smoke. From smoke comes fire and Pam's fire is blazing away like a beacon here. Jim's too. They've got the kind of bonfire here that after it gets going, and I mean really going, one steps back and admires with pride. One looks around and silently dares anyone to try and put it out. Hell, you'd challenge even the Forest Service with one of their water scooping planes to try and tame this bad boy. It may have taken a while to ignite, but there's no stopping this fire.

Longest chapter for you, quite probably the longest review I've ever written. *high five* I've been saving this jellybean for this moment. Well earned my friend. This was superb.

Author's Response: Let's start by pointing out that there's no way I'm going to do justice to all of this review in my response, but I'll start off by saying thank you--this review is the sine qua non of your reviews, in that it manages to give specific, helpful commentary on detailed parts of the chapter while also giving an overview, and I appreciate it immensely. I know you and a few others were hoping they'd end up on the boat, but I think from my own perspective part of Pam's discovery here and in the whole cycle is that she doesn't actually need to be on that boat: that she needs to go after what's important to her and not what everyone else (in this case Michael) sets up for her. Thanks, as ever.

This was absolutely delightful. Jim is at his best here. Instantly on Pam's side. I love the fact that after he gets done reassuring Pam he's on her side, that he wants to get in a second prank on Dwight. That's just a great Jim thing to do.

But let's talk about their talk at her desk there over jelly beans for a moment shall we? Wonderful, just wonderful. It had me grinning to see such wonderful banter between them. Same goes for Pam's conversation with Larissa there at the end. Outstanding writing.

So, Pam's picked up her flint and steel again and figured out how to get sparks. She's also figured out that she needs a really good bed of very fine grass and duff to send the sparks into. A rat's nest for those of us in the fire starting trade, read any Boy Scout worth their salt. The sparks have caught and how she's gently blowing on them. The first tiny flame has appeared. All she needs to do now is treat that small flame gently, feed it wisely, and in no time I'm sure it'll flare into a bonfire that will blaze away merrily in hers and Jim's spirit's.

Author's Response:

Ironic that I totally understand your metaphor, but am actually completely incompetent at starting a fire. Anyway...

Thank you so much for the feedback, particularly on the banter. The show, especially the part of the show I've chosen to set this in, sets such a high bar for it that I'm always worried anytime I let my characters actually speak instead of just think. It's very reassuring to know you liked it. Thanks! 

Yeah, that's kind of how I pictured Roy would react. Knee jerk anger. Something happens he doesn't like, get lashes out. See also Jim's face during the Office vs. Warehouse basketball game. Maybe she needs to enlist Darryl. Roy might not pay attention to her, but he does pay attention to his buddies. Still I admire Pam here. She's sticking to her guns and still trying to figure things out. Granted she doesn't really have much choice what with the whole repeating day thing, but still it's great to see the steel in her spine is staying strong.

The pokemon chat was also a lot of fun. Nice way to add in some humor. Also shows that Jim and Pam know each other really well. Well mostly since Jim did get her favorite pokemon wrong, but he was close to be sure.

Still doing a wonderful job with this. I always get excited when I see there's a new update.

Author's Response: Yeah. Roy doesn't do a lot of introspection. I'll be interested in seeing what you think of what I end up doing to help them apart (it may take a few chapters to show you, but I have an idea in mind). Thanks for the feedback! 

"If this was what Socrates was like, Pam could understand why the Athenians gave him hemlock." Great line. That you reference one of the most well known philosophers during this section great. Adding in Pam's sense of sarcasm to it, also great. I really liked how you had Penny as Pam's sounding board here. It makes for a wonderful dynamic in their sisterhood. Also we have a double confirmation now from the sisters. First when Larissa told Pam that Jim's hers. Also now here with Penny not only being seen as cold toward Roy, but encouraging Pam's feelings towards Jim.

I also liked the use of Pam's line from the Beach Day speech there as well. That speech is a big moment for Pam. In canon it took her a while to get there. Here it's taken time too but she's come to a lot of the same conclusions. Roy's not right for her and there is something better out there for her.

Oh what else did I like about this chapter? Oh yeah! The conversation she has with Jim. The tension on his end is still there. As far as he knows, she's still fully committed to Roy. That he gets quiet when she starts probing deeper than the safe waters of friendship makes sense. Jim has no idea she's had the revelations she's had. I did like that he is honest with her in telling her he's in love, but it makes complete sense that he still can't bring himself to tell her who he's in love with. After all he's still probably beating himself up for taking back the teapot card at this point.

In this case, to keep using my fire starting analogy, it feels like she's not so much using the flint and steel here. Rather she's resetting the kindling and tinder. I'm not sure how much she's really aware that's happening, but it's there. In order to have a good campfire, one needs a good base from which to build said fire. Pam seems to have cleared away the old dead fire that wasn't going anywhere that was her relationship with Roy. Now it seems she's built up or is almost done building a base for a romantic relationship with Jim. Maybe a few more adjustments with how she holds the flint and steel and that fire will catch.

Great chapter.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the even-more-in-depth-than-usual response! I appreciate hearing about each of these things, they help confirm that I'm on the right track here and that the story is communicating what I want it to. To borrow a phrase from Churchill (and thus the setting of your current AU) "this is, perhaps, the end of the beginning": Pam has an idea now of what she wants, but now she has to put it in practice.

I get where you'd say that Pam is a little further away from Jim here. After all if she thinks he's about to propose to Katy it makes sense she'd be hesitant to delve deeper into anything Jim related. However she also has a potentially huge new piece of information here. I'm sure you're going to have her over analyze it in the coming chapter, but that's all part of figuring this whole thing out.

Also confession from me. I've never seen "Groundhog Day." I know the gist of the movie obviously, but I've never actually seen it. That being said you're doing a great job here because for someone like me who hasn't seen the movie, I'm able to follow along with the parallels you're drawing between this story and the movie. Bravo for that.

Author's Response:

She'll get there pretty quick ;) but it is important I think that her initial instinct isn't "he's into me."

 I cannot recommend Groundhog Day enough, but I was trying to write this so you didn't have to have read it--I'm glad so far that's working! Thanks for the feedback. 

1

Hooray new story! That was my first reaction. The second was, "Over 5,000 words for the first chapter? Comfect, you've outdone yourself!" In a good way of course. Glad you're taking up the torch for the "Booze Cruise" repeating time loop idea. I was quite frustrated when I got to the last chapter of the other Booze Cruise time loop story and it wasn't finished. Knowing you, I'm sure this one won't be left hanging.

Lots of great internal thoughts here. Setting things up in the non-AU realm first was wise I think. Make sure we have a base to start from. Pam's delight in all things with Jim was wonderful to see. The prank, skulduggery with Stanley, meaningful nods in the conference room, and of course the moment she shares with Jim on deck. There was enough internal thoughts to keep things interesting while summing up and moving through the episode in a good way. Nicely done in that regard.

Can't wait to see what happens next.

Author's Response:

Heh. Yeah, that was my single longest chapter ever, I think. That or V-J Day. I promise to at least get past chapter 2 (which is how far the other one got) and yeah, given my obsession with not leaving WIP unfinished it'll probably get finished too. 

 Thanks for the feedback on the story itself. You got exactly what I was trying to do, and I'm glad it succeeded. Thanks for the review! 

1

I liked how you skipped through the first parts of the day here and got right to the Booze Cruise, since that's the salient point of this story. She's making progress for sure here. See what happened with her relationship with Roy first. They've been together so long it makes complete sense that trying to figure out that relationship would be the first place she goes to.

I also like how she's now aware of the time loops. The first one was yes a shock, but now that she knows whats coming it's time to start experiment. As a reader we know she's coming to the first part of the situation. Roy isn't right for her.

You've been subtle about her interactions with Jim, but what is there should hopefully clue her in. If in the next round she realizes that a bit more I think it might be interesting if during the day she asks Jim if he's bringing Larissa on the boat and seeing how the effects of not having Katy there. But again this is your story not mine.

Author's Response: Thank you as always for the detailed feedback. We will definitely get a loop like that, and thank you for the suggestion!

Good on Pam this time around. I do like that she's using the not booze cruise time to reflect on things like this. I think its giving her a lot of perspective on the life she's led up to this point. That she's used that perspective to figure out what she feels about Roy and to crystallize how she feels about him was good to see.

Now she need to start thinking about what she does really want. Of course I think we all know where that eventually ends up, but seeing her figure that out will be fun to see.

Author's Response: Thank you! I think Pam is very hesitant to think about what she actually wants, both here and in the series, especially when it comes to deeper wants than "do some art" or "kiss Jim." So it will be a gradual progression, but I do indeed think we all know where she's going eventually (hint: see above under "kiss Jim").

What would I do? Check for any problems with airway, breathing, or circulation. Check for any life threatening injuries, check for broken bones, try to splint what I could, prep for transport, and then transport to the nearest ER, in case you're wondering. Thanks for the shout out there. You didn't get anything wrong with just having Pam stand there and watch.

Lots of great stuff this time, even for a non-Booze cruise cycle. I really liked how Pam made breakfast for herself this time. She's not only thinking of what would make her happy, but doing things as well. In this instance regardless of what Roy might say. It's great to see her growth show with a scene like that.

Dwight going off on his heritage like that was also fun. Hey if I'm not going to have German Dwight in "Silver Wings," feel free to use that for your own. You did a great job with it.

Going back to my flint and steel analogy from a couple chapters ago. Seems like Pam was getting closer igniting some better sparks here. The line with, "This feels right, Pam though. Nothing else in this stupid day goes right, but playing pranks with Jim always feels right." Hopefully she remembers that feeling and decides to investigate that a bit more.

Author's Response:

I figured you'd have a full panoply of directions for those EMTs ;)

Thanks for noticing the details of the non-BC cycles as well as the BC ones. To translate (via Google) what Dwight says in German here: "beet farmer," "maternal grandfather," "groundhog handler." And Pam is definitely getting closer on the Jim front...though also, as you'll see in the next chapter, further away. 

1

The plot thickens a bit. Seems Jim's got himself in a bit of a spot. I am wondering if any real life gangsters are going to show up. Back in the 20's Al Capone basically ran Chicago. I know you're setting up Scarn and all, but that could be something to consider.

Also something that might help, a lot of times when I've read books that include song lyrics, the author has set them in the middle of the page as opposed to on the right like for normal conversation or narration. Doing something like that might help you differentiate the lyrics of songs from spoken words. Other than that, nice chapter.

Author's Response: Yes yes yes without giving anything away I'm just going to say yes hahah. Thanks for the notes as always Warrior I dont plan on anymore singing not like every chapter, but I'll be taking that idea into consideration thank you!