Date: May 03, 2007 04:22 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
You even briefly consider getting the two of you lost. Not knowing where you’re going usually frightens you, but watching the road shimmer in the midday sun, you can imagine it now. Getting lost.
Yes, I plan to review each chapter seperately.
I love the above line. I also love all your map analogies throughout this. It really shows what a careful writer you are, that you took the time to insert the perfect word or phrase, which just adds so much to this piece.
So thanks.
Author's Response: Thanks SO much - I actually do fret over things like word choice and phrasing and it's so great to know that it makes a difference for you. Glad you think the map metaphor makes sense too. And hooray for separate reviews!
Date: May 03, 2007 02:30 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Whhhheeeww. WOW. Loved this one. It really, really got to me!
Especially this line:
These days, believing that Jim is actually anywhere is a leap of faith.
Awesome!
Author's Response: Well, thank you so much, naomi dylan. Glad you're enjoying it - next chapter tomorrow (hopefully.)
Date: May 02, 2007 10:12 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Ohhh, this is wonderful. I love the previous two and the contrast between when they were okay and when they were so distant, and then this is so, so sweet. I'm sure 2008 will be the best picnic ever - can't wait!
Author's Response: That progression in mood from one summer to the next was exactly what I hoped would come through. 2008...well, it will be something else altogether. I don't know if it will be the best, but it won't make you sad (I hope!) Stay tuned...and thanks, Semby.
Date: May 02, 2007 05:40 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
You trust they know the way, because you’re not sure how to get home from here.
Oh, poor Pam. This made me so sad for her.
Author's Response: Yeah, I do feel like she's been lost and sort of emotionally homeless without him....going to change soon though, I think ;-) Thanks for the feedback, nqllisi (and sorry to make you sad!)
Date: May 02, 2007 05:34 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
You’re not microscopic anymore. You are here.
Besting ending ever. Seriously, this fic is awesome.
Author's Response: Glad you liked it. Was hoping the 'You are here' reference (like you see on a shopping mall, or big museum, map ) would make sense. Thanks for taking the time to let me know!
Date: May 02, 2007 06:42 am Title: Summer Picnic 2007
I can't even begin to explain how much I loved this. So perfect..
Author's Response: No need to explain...'perfect' is kind enough. Thanks so much, Pamela Beesley!
Date: May 01, 2007 10:34 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Ohhhh.
That was me letting out the breath I was holding.
I liked how you kept their dialogue spare when they were talking about their feelings. It was very much in keeping with the poetry of Jim confessing his feelings last year.
Can't wait for the best picnic ever!
Author's Response: What a great compliment..I really wanted the verbalization of their feelings to be as simple/'from the heart' as possible. So pleased it 'spoke' to you. Like I said below - it's gonna be another KIND of picnic...best? You be the judge! Thanks again, Elizabeth Lynn!
Date: May 01, 2007 10:01 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
um....how i LONG for this to be the way Beach Day ends up panning out. lol. Yeah right. ::sigh:: Just loved this so much. You've got such a way of tying a theme together and making it seamless. There's a line here that I gasped when I read it...it was Pam said, "I just want you to love me again." OH MAN.
Author's Response: Yeah, something tells me Beach Day will be nothing like this. Still have high hopes though - those writers SERIOUSLY know how to do it - so they need to make it happen already! Really pleased you're still enjoying this. Many thanks, as always, LoveFool.
Date: May 01, 2007 08:02 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Wow...that was hot. I'm so glad Jim decided to go with Pam. Their awkwardness/meager friendship pre-sex is adorable and touching. Jim's line "I can’t remember ever not loving you," Sigh...so true. Really looking forward to 2008 since it promises to be the best ever (I'd imagine it would be hard to top 2007 so I can't wait to see what you come up with)
Author's Response: Yay...hot and touching (no pun!) are my favorite combo. I really set myself up by saying 2008 would be the best, didn't I? Well, it will definitely be different (and I hope good.) Thanks again flamingosinparadise. More soon.
Date: May 01, 2007 07:48 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, SO FABULOUS with the all-wet-from-the-rain sex, but, frankly, them just getting back to that place mentally was the best part of it for me. And they were sweet and quippy, too. I loved this:
'This is America, Pam. All our traditions are young.’
Jim! What a nut!
Author's Response: Hee! I kind of liked that line too...was wondering if it would work for anyone else. And absolutely - as much fun as the sexage was to write (and okay, maybe think about just a little too much,) the emotional reconnection is the real story here. Thanks again, invis.
10 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 07:14 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
I like this so much! Jim's "distance at close-range" and "relentless indifference" are heartbreaking. And then Pam finds herself, almost literally, as a point on a map, which is lovely.
Author's Response: Thanks Annabel! I love when readers notice those little phrases or thoughts, because that's exactly the kind of thing that's important to me when I'm writing. And yeah, I think Jim's seeming distance/indifference when he's right there in the same room with her is the most painful of all.
Date: May 01, 2007 07:11 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
OH MY GOD.. This was great. I love when Jim and Pam get together in any world, whether its the AU world or the TV world.
You have done such a great job of emoting Pam's raw emotions for Jim.
‘I can’t remember ever not loving you,’ he draws you back to him, serious again.
This was a great line. Probably the best one yet.
This was a great response from Jim.
Author's Response: Seriously, who doesn't want those two together (except Greg Daniels, apparently)? Really happy you thought Pam's emotions felt real. Thanks so much, Alamos!
Date: May 01, 2007 06:14 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
This chapter was beautiful, really lyrical. I like to quote moving parts in my review, but here I really can't unless I quote the whole thing. I will say that this
"...he seems to have forgotten where your desk is. You daydream about leaving him a trail of jellybeans to find it."
and this...
"There’s no map to lead you backward or forward or wherever that elusive place is where it all begins again."
and this...
"Any possibility that this is two co-workers carpooling from a company function ceases to exist. You’re still not sure what it is. But it’s not that."
Are truly terrific, funny and sad at the same time. I really can see Pam thinking just this way.
And the last part, Wow. Such a moving scene of them finally together. The imagery of his skin and the sheets, well it left me breathy - and that was bad since I read it at work...
I need a thesaurus, I have no words to tell you have wonderful this is. Welcome back!
Author's Response: I'd say you did pretty damn well without a thesaurus...and I'm very flattered. Especially pleased you picked up on the jellybean reference - kind of a throw away, but I liked that one too ;-) The 2nd person POV kind of scared me, because if the characterization is off, it's ALL going to be wrong. And sometimes that Pam is like nailng jelly (jello?) to a wall, I tell you. So, I 'm thrilled to hear you thought she rang true here. Anyway - thanks again for such a wonderful review, uncgirl! (Oh, and good to be back!)
Date: May 01, 2007 05:43 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Where to begin? Well, so happy to see something new from you. And this is all just gorgeous. Wonderful job of making my heart ache and then jump out of my chest. Excellent, as always. And the rain in this chapter, and the peeling off of clothes.....GUH. Loved it.
Author's Response: First, I apologize for any damage to your heart...second, thanks so much for this generous review. Gorgeous? Wow. And speaking of GUH and peeling off clothes...can I cross my fingers for a bitterpill update soon?
Date: May 01, 2007 04:43 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
I really liked how you came full circle at the end, with "...explore the unfamiliar terrain of his body with your hand, your eyes, your mouth, until you've mapped every inch of him." It ties in very nicely with the story and the title, and is a hot visua, as a bonus.
Author's Response: Full circle is exactly where I was trying to go, Luna Mystik - thanks for that! One more orbit to go...and I have to admit, I kind of enjoyed the visual myself - glad to hear you did too.
Date: May 01, 2007 03:50 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
wow, this story is the epitome of romance. I love how Pam knows that he is aware of her soaked shirt, would LOVE to hear that from his perspective. I love his response to her admission that she had wanted to kiss him. Your writing gets more and more beautiful with each passing story...sigh...
Author's Response: And yes, sadly, I guess I am a hopeless romantic. Resistance is futile, LOL. So glad you're still enjoying this - and thanks so much for this very kind review!
9 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 03:24 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
I am completely loving this story! I've been totally in the mood for the fluffy, sappy stories that make you smile the entire way through, and this is perfect. I can't wait to see how the 2008 picnic unfolds!
Author's Response: Well, I completely love your telling me that! Thanks for the feedback, Laur815...2008 on it's way.
10 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 03:14 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Wow. Love how you have the electricity between them culminate in a storm within a storm. And summer rain is so romantic. When Pam says "I just want you to love me again" she echoes the desire in all of us. Thanks, Colette.
Author's Response: Storm within a storm...wow. Very well put. And yeah, that really is, I think, all she wants...the beauty of fanfic: you can make it so. Thanks, Sibilate, for another perceptive review.
10 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 02:40 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Wheeeeeeeeeee! Now that is a picnic, Colette! Loved the three-legged race.
‘This might finally be Michael’s chance to turn the egg toss into a mud wrestling match,’ he smirks instead. Yes, Michael would totally do that!
Her "I wanted to kiss you" and his "I wish you had"? Hottest lines EVER. Whoa.
‘I didn’t know how to be.’ Wah!
‘I can’t remember ever not loving you,’ Ooooh so romantic!
I love their "island under the covers" and her not being microscopic anymore. So beautifully done, Colette. As always.
Author's Response: Well, as always, I much appreciate it, NEJ. 'I didn't know how to be' was actually a really important line to me when I was writing this, so I'm thrilled (but not surprised!) that it caught your attention. It sounds simplistic, but in many ways, that's how I see Jim's predicament. And I do love me some romance...what can I say? I'm tragically uncool! Many thanks, my friend.
10 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 02:37 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
*Sigh* lovely, lovely. I particularly love your use of the verb "materialize" near the end. Very powerful and just, spot-on.
Author's Response: I LOVE when things like a word choice get noticed...because it's just the sort of thing I fiddle with endlessly. Glad that worked for you. Thanks, lianhanshee!
Date: May 01, 2007 02:12 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Wow, this is a fantastic story. I love how you brought it back around to maps and to how Pam feels about where she is. Nicely wrapped up.
Author's Response: Well thank you so much, kth201 - I was trying to come full circle there. But stay with me. There's still one more chapter to go ;-)
Date: May 01, 2007 02:10 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Oh dear. Picnic, thunderstorm, nakedness,... That's a whole lot of goodness right there. You're always so good at ratcheting tension in your stories by putting in all those little details, little gestures between them. Here it was the touch in the three-legged race and their innocent conversations that seem to mean so much more. I really love this.
Author's Response: Makes me so happy you feel that way, MA. Really appreciate how perceptive your comments always are...love when those little things get noticed (I'm not one for big plots - tiny details are more my thing.) Thanks for this!
Date: May 01, 2007 02:10 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
i know i already reviewed but i just had to add that i love how you brought back the microscopic from the first chapter. i love how she realizes AGAIN that only Jim can fill that place in her, make her feel complete.
Author's Response: Thanks for coming back to mention that. Really glad you picked that up...just the kind of tiny detail I obsess over! And, yes..he's the only one. Thanks again, rulesofjinx!
Date: May 01, 2007 02:07 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
This picnic was pretty awesome. are you sure 2008 is the best picnic EVER? haha i can't wait to see how you make it better :)
Author's Response: Well, not sure if it will be the BEST. But it will be different ;-) Will try to deliver! Thanks so much!
9 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 02:02 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
I know I've been spoiled - and I appreciate it more than you know. Reading this still makes my stomach flutter and my heart ache because why can't they...just....UGH. So frustrating to watch two people who could be so happy simply refusing to be. (PS: Snow Patrol is haunting me right now. I'm listening to You Could Be Happy and my head is screaming YES YOU COULD!)
This is perfect, quiet and just lovely altogether.
I can't wait to see 2008. Because 2007 was a pretty good picnic IMHO. ;)
Author's Response: Oh, I share your frustration...and I've been so restrained about expressing that too! I like that you said it was quiet...because that was a quality I hoped would be conveyed. 2008 is on the way. As always, thanks for all the patient support, you!