10 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 01:56 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
I love this whole series of picnics so, so much. This one is wonderful, and you've captured that heavy building feeling of a thunderstorm so well. I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter if it's the "best picnic ever" - this one seems pretty hard to beat!
Author's Response: I'm so pleased that feeling came through for you...and, gee, maybe I shouldn't have said 'best'...but it will be a whole 'nother kind of picnic. That I can promise. Thanks, Lyss.
10 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 01:44 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Aahh, so perfect!!
My favorite parts:
I just want you to love me again,’ you manage to say.
You carefully explore the unfamiliar terrain of his body with your hands, your eyes, your mouth, until you’ve mapped every inch of him.
You are here
Awesome job with the map metaphor. Oh, and I just wantesd to say that I didn;t even trealize you'd written this in the second person POV until you mentioned it in the reply to my review yesterday. Do do a really good job with it.
Author's Response: So, it feels natural in that POV? Yay! Thanks again, Puffing Noise...much appreciated.
10 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 01:44 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
That was great! Can't wait for '08!
Author's Response: Thanks kgreene....will try not to disappoint you!
10 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 01:43 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Wet Pam & Jim?, thunderstorms?, *thud* You are here, indeed.
Author's Response: And don't we all wish we were there? Thanks for hanging in there with me, lisahoo!
10 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 01:40 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Oh, oh, oh. I still love this chapter so. Make me want to crawl into bed and listen to the rain. More so if I could conjure up my own copy of Jim Halpert. Must be an exact clone. though..... I'm just that picky!
Looking forward to the best picnic ever!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks, mox. And if you get that cloning thing worked out, how about sharing?
10 [Report This]Date: May 01, 2007 10:25 am Title: Summer Picnic 2005
This was wonderful, except for one thing--the picnic! I'd have loved to see the picnic. Spoon races? Volleyball? Le sigh. But I love the interaction over the map (forearm alert!), and Pam deciding it would be fine if they got lost together, and her realizatoin that she wants Jim to kiss her. Very nice.
And I want to *smack* Roy!
Author's Response: You'll get to see a tiny bit more of an actual picnic in the next chapter (and a whole other kind of picnic in the one after that.) An ensemble fic about DM picnics would be great, but for the story I wanted to tell here, I wanted to keep the focus very narrow...just the two of them, in that specific moment, in the car...the intimacy of that, and that almost innocent summer feeling of riding with the windows open and the world being full of possibility. But, I ramble....yeah, Roy was very smackable in that moment, wasn't he? Thanks for the feedback, NEJ...and stay tuned.
Date: May 01, 2007 09:13 am Title: Summer Picnic 2006
You have done such an amazing job contrasting the two. As the first was great and invigorating, this is draining and awful for Pam. Right down to the tainted potato salad. Also, this:
"Sometimes the distance between you is a living, breathing beast, a monster whose arteries are interstates, awful contours hills and valleys. " Is great, really wonderful way of describing the distance. In fact really the distance is still there isn't it? And it does seem to have a life of its own.
I hope you update soon, I can't wait to see the next summer!
Author's Response: Yup - the beast lives even with them in the same room...but, it just might get slain in the next chapter ;-) (Maybe even on the show?) Glad you like that metaphor and that the huge contrast in mood between the two summers came across. I really wanted it to be vivid. And thanks for such specific and thoughtful comments...means alot!
Date: May 01, 2007 09:09 am Title: Summer Picnic 2005
"You’d be vaguer still."
"You pop the cap off the bottle for him and know exactly where you are. Scranton, your street, your house. Just a microscopic dot on a map on someone’s wall."
This imagery is just awesome. It is really a moving the way you describe Pam's POV, it makes her really accessible to the reader. Great job.
And it goes without saying the part where his arm touches her thigh, WOW, so hot. But also lovely.
Author's Response: So happy to hear you find the imagery effective...always feel like I'm walking the line between over and under doing it. And also that you're feeling Pam here...just what I hoped. Thanks, uncgirl!
Date: April 30, 2007 09:14 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
Oooh I'm SO excited to see where this is going!!! Bring on summer picnic '07 baby!!!
Author's Response: Yay! It's coming, baby...2008 too. Thanks, you!
Date: April 30, 2007 08:07 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
This line is just beautiful and so perfect for what Pam had to be feeling in those months right after CN: "you’re not sure how to get home from here."
So true. (and I am looking forward to this next chapter after your little tease)
Author's Response: Yeah, I think she did feel adrift and sort of psychically homeless after CN. I'm happy that resonated for you here. Thanks again! (And boy, I'd better live up to that little tease...hope I can!)
Date: April 30, 2007 08:05 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
Aww...I love pretty much any story showing Jim & Pam's relationship pre-documentary. This was just so simple and yet so them. Lovely.
Author's Response: Thank you flamingosinparadise. I agree - it's nice to think of them in the old days, before it all went so horribly wrong. So happy you like it.
10 [Report This]Date: April 30, 2007 07:59 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
Colette, you imbue a simple summer ritual with such lyricism. How beautifully you have written Pam not caring where she and Jim are going as long as they are together. I love how you have Jim represent freedom and possibility and summer innocence. What a contrast to the next summer. I look forward to reading more.
Author's Response: Lyricism...what a lovely thing to say. I'm really pleased that sense of summer came across as you describe it - precisely what I had in mind. Thanks so much - what a thoughtful review, Sibilate.
10 [Report This]Date: April 30, 2007 07:01 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
I love how you're playing with the metaphor of maps, both the restriction and the liberation they represent for Pam (as embodied by Roy and Jim). The image of the space between Pam and Jim as a "living, breathing beast, a monster whose arteries are interstates" is wonderful -- like one of those early maps with 'Here Be Dragons' written over frightening unknown places. It works really, really well. Plus, who doesn't love a picnic? And obviously, I'm looking forward to the upcoming 'M'-ness!
Author's Response: So glad you think the metaphor is working - and yes, those crazy old maps actually did cross my mind, so I'm tickled you mentioned that. And absolutely, nothing like a picnic...two more (kind of...) coming soon. M-ness included ;-) Thanks for the great comments, Annabel!
Date: April 30, 2007 06:36 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
Aw. So sad, so bittersweet. If I didn't know Jim was coming back after this, I'd just be depressed, but knowing he does come back, I really enjoyed Pam's astuteness about her feelings.
This was great:
Sometimes the distance between you is a living, breathing beast, a monster whose arteries are interstates, awful contours hills and valleys.
Author's Response: I'm really pleased you picked out that particular line...because the image of the distance as a beast was actually the seed of the idea for the entire story. And I'm a sucker for bittersweet, so thanks for that too!
10 [Report This]Date: April 30, 2007 06:33 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
Ooooooh. This is really good. I love Pam's reaction to being with Jim, because I think there's no way she didn't have thoughts like that on the show, even though they had her being shocked when Jim said he was in love with her. I think it's more likely that she's had a lot of sweet moments like this where she saw a glimmer of something more beautiful that she could have.
Really loving this story!
Author's Response: I agree; I remember many moments when it was so achingly clear that she knew (somewhere in that skull of hers!) not only how Jim felt, but that she felt it too. So glad you're enjoying this...many thanks, invis!
Date: April 30, 2007 06:16 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
I like how you presented the contrast between 2005 and 2006, and I'm curious to read how 2007, and even 2008 will go. You perfectly captured the Jim-Pam magin in 2005.
Author's Response: Well, I think things are going to improve for these two crazy kids in 2007/2008 (and not just in my story.) Glad you're enjoying it - and really appreciate your saying this 'got' the 2005 stuff. As always, thanks for being such a great reviewer, Luna Mystik.
Date: April 30, 2007 05:12 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
Wow... just Wow! You are an excellent writer. I can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Why, thank you, JipsyJam. That is very kind. More soon, I promise.
Date: April 30, 2007 05:01 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
I've never commented before - I know, I know ... bad FashionShow. But, I'm a lurker at heart. Not seen and not heard are my motto ...
That being said, I had to comment on this amazing story! You have completely captured that disconnected, lost feeling that some of us (and I believe, all of us) go through from time to time. This really struck a chord with me: "You trust they know the way, because you're not sure how to get home from here." Simple, but meaningful. Okay, I'm done! :)
Author's Response: Wow. Bringing you out of lurkdom is an amazing compliment. Thrilled that this resonated so much with you...but please don't be done - stick around awhile! Thanks so much for the wonderful review, Fashion Show.
Date: April 30, 2007 02:39 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
Absolutely beautiful writing. I could almost fell Jim's arm brushing my thigh (if only!). Love the second person and I can't wait for next years picnic.
Author's Response: So happy that the second person worked for you...it made me a little nervous to write it that way. Much appreciate the generous review, Klankie. Another picnic coming up soon.
Date: April 30, 2007 02:21 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
Wow! The first chapter absolutely broke my heart, especially the last line about knowning exactly where she was; it's so true to life, how Pam is freer and happier with Jim and then being back with roy is familiar but so constricting. I absolutely CANNOT wait until the next chapter!
Author's Response: Sorry about your heart...promise to mend it again ;-) And glad it rang true for you. Thanks so much, fasterthansnakes.
Date: April 30, 2007 01:43 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
Wah! Poor Pam! And there's already an 'M' rating in my head, all that itch-scratching and everything...
Author's Response:
Don't worry, I think she has a few more itches that will get scratched before this thing is finished. Will try not to let you (or her) down! Thanks for separate chapter reviews...I feel so indulged!
Date: April 30, 2007 01:37 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
"You’re aware that this is the wrong person, the wrong situation to feel it again. Still, you do. You do."
This is just such a good representation of Jim and Pam pre-confession. How many times did we see Roy bowing out of something, and Pam has a better time with just Jim anyway? The lines above struck me in particular.
Author's Response: Yeah, there was a bit of a pattern there, pre-confession, wasn't there? So happy to hear those lines expressed how she felt for you. Thanks, Too Late Kev!
Date: April 30, 2007 12:59 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
I love the dreamy quality of this chapter. And of course I'm looking forward to the M rating of the next chapter. ;)
Author's Response: Oooh. Dreamy quality...I like that. And you know me, Elizabeth Lynn...it's a rare fic that I can keep in the T-zone! Thanks, as always!
Date: April 30, 2007 12:31 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
You trust they know the way, because you’re not sure how to get home from here.
*such* a great way to convey how lost Pam is at this stage in her life. another great chapter.
Author's Response: She is lost. But, I think she might get found soon (not only in this story!) Thanks again, Rowena...really appreciate your taking time to leave feedback on the individual chapters.
Date: April 30, 2007 12:29 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
*Love* the image of them in the care with their hair blowing and Jim singing goofily. And everything's all warm and free....until she goes back home to Roy. Such a great start!
Author's Response: Yay..hoped that carefree summer feeling would come across. And yes, it all kind of grinds to a halt when she goes back to her 'real life.' Thanks so much, Rowena.