Date: June 26, 2007 07:22 am Title: Chapter 1
Aww! That was soo cute!! I loved the 4th one!
10 [Report This]Date: December 01, 2006 07:47 pm Title: Chapter 1
These made me feel all happy and calm. I especially liked "All In."
10 [Report This]Date: December 01, 2006 11:32 am Title: Chapter 1
I thought those five were really fun! Nice job :-)
Date: December 01, 2006 11:18 am Title: Chapter 1
Very sweet and making me look forward to Christmas! I have one beef - Pam went to get an ultrasound without Jim? No way! In any case, loved "All in", loved the art supplies and Pam taking charge and orchestrating a mistletoe encounter. Thanks for the happy!
8 [Report This]Date: December 01, 2006 09:06 am Title: Chapter 1
Nicely done and just wanted I needed to read this morning.
10 [Report This]Date: December 01, 2006 01:57 am Title: Chapter 1
Oh yay!! I have a fondness for Christmas fic and this one was so sweet. All of the gifts you imagined were perfect for them. I esp. like any gift that's art related. I love the idea of Pam using her talents - or Jim acknowledging them.
10 [Report This]Date: November 30, 2006 10:37 pm Title: Chapter 1
Wonderful. Loved it!
Date: November 30, 2006 03:48 pm Title: Chapter 1
Aw. Especially liked the sketch where she wrote 'all in' and the one where Jim gives her art supplies. I'm a big sucker for fics that acknowledge Pam as an artist, and I especially love the idea of Jim recognizing this in her. He would. Now, if only they'd go there on the show. Nicely done!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! And especially for pointing out your favorite parts!
8 [Report This]Date: November 30, 2006 02:41 pm Title: Chapter 1
very cute. obviously, my favorite was #4! i kinda wish it had been last, though.
Author's Response: Thank you! And yes, I did think of putting that one last, but then decided it worked the way it was.
Date: November 30, 2006 02:38 pm Title: Chapter 1
I love Xmas fic! My favourite has to be number 3, with the wonderful art kit, but I thought they were all interested and varied takes. Nicely done.
Author's Response: Thank you!!
Date: November 30, 2006 02:10 pm Title: Chapter 1
"she knew, or thought she knew, anyway, that he no longer even condsidered her a best friend"
Apart from the misspelling of 'considered', this sentence threw me out because you're talking out of two mouths. :) On the one hand, we're in Pam's head, so we get her POV on this rumination. But when you say "or thought she knew", it sounds as if you are not really giving us Pam's thoughts. Is she really second guessing herself like this? "I know, but I only think I know?" I think what you're trying to do is prevent us, the readers, from thinking that Jim no longer considers her a best friend even though Pam does. You can't tell us that through Pam's viewpoint. She either does or does not think he has changed his mind about their relationship. Even if she's ambivalent about it, she's not going to be saying 'I know but I don't know'.
My advice is to not worry about what we, the readers, might (ahem) misinterpret. You can make it clear in subsequent narrative that Pam is or is not mistaken in her conclusion. The point is that you have to make us believe in what Pam is telling herself, and when you insert these little parenthetical "King's X" comments, it violates the POV.
Technical note: "They can't tell yet, it's too soon!" she said"
If what she gave him was an ultrasound photo, I should warn you that they can NEVER be really sure of a baby's sex from ultrasound. Any OB will tell her to wait for amniocentesis or other testing that accesses the fetus' DNA before painting the nursery.
I'm wondering what was in the velvet box Jim was giving Pam for Christmas....something shiny, I hope. :D
Lines/phrases I really liked:
paralyzing awkwardness
Wordlessly, he thanked her with another kiss. (I'm partial to silent kisses)
They spent the rest of the Christmas party alone in the kitchen huddled over Pam's new art kit. I love Jim huddling with Pam any time, and his keen interest in her art is so adorable. It's so ... Tim and Dawn. Who I loved.
by the second week, Pam and Jim start thinking up outrageous ideas on how to make the music stop, including elaborate suicide plans.
I thought the idea of "elaborate suicide plans" was hilarious. Would have loved to read some of them. :D
Author's Response:
Thank you for the detailed feedback. I will go fix my typo, and I get what you're saying about the whole Pam sounding like she was second gessing herself, which I didn't really mean.
As for the ultrasound thing, I know that the sex of a baby can't be determined from an utrasound, but I guess I should have had Pam say that they didnt do those types of tests yet.
And thank you very much for including the lines and phrases that you liked the most.
Date: November 30, 2006 01:51 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is so, so sweet. I love Christmas! My favourite parts were the All In card, the super lovely mistletoe kiss and going through the art kit. Well done!
Author's Response: Thank you so much!