Date: October 22, 2006 09:32 am Title: Chapter 1
I was swaying along with them in the end. This was incredibly lovely.
9 [Report This]Date: October 18, 2006 08:00 pm Title: Chapter 1
This was beautiful prose. I love the rhythm of the words in this story! Well done. :)
10 [Report This]Date: October 18, 2006 07:06 pm Title: Chapter 1
This was beautiful. The last 4 lines were sheer poetry.
Date: October 18, 2006 03:25 pm Title: Chapter 1
What a lovely tone this has. So melancholy. Poor aching Jim!
"As long as you're with me, he can't help but finish silently."
Date: October 18, 2006 01:44 pm Title: Chapter 1
this is charming, really -- two lines really stand out to me:
Jim, who's been loving Pam without doing anything about it for so long he's thinking about going pro.
Jim isn't sure what they're waiting for, but he's never been a complainer and he's not about to start now.
Just lovely, really. Keep writing!
10 [Report This]Date: October 18, 2006 06:55 am Title: Chapter 1
I love this:
Maybe one day he'll take a step and she'll take a step and then they'll be dancing.
Maybe, someday.
But for now, they sway.
10 [Report This]Date: October 18, 2006 05:20 am Title: Chapter 1
This is lovely. You move between funny and sad and bittersweet as smoothly as the show itself. This line made me laugh sadly:
It's a lot for one night, even for Jim, who's been loving Pam without doing anything about it for so long he's thinking about going pro. Really beautiful work.
10 [Report This]Date: October 17, 2006 11:58 pm Title: Chapter 1
:D
Excellent. I love the last four lines. Sums up Jam just exactly right.