Date: January 01, 2011 10:36 pm Title: Chapter 2 It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Aw out of the mouths of babes, huh? Oh Jim, you ARE the bestest dad ever, if only you knew!
I love your CeCe here this is exactly how I imagine her to be this age. Fairly precocious and innately sweet. Then there's Daniel who is so cute as well. Glad this has turned into a three parter and can't wait for the rest!
Author's Response: Aw thanks LoveFool. I've been busy with Christmas and company and then on a short trip, but I'm gonna get cracking on this in a day or two. And yeah, Jim is the bestest dad ever, but we all have our insecurities.
9 [Report This]Date: December 28, 2010 09:04 am Title: Chapter 2 It's a Barnum and Bailey world
I'm so sorry for the delay in reading this and reviewing. I've been trying to get out of my own funk. I have to say I really like where this is going, and I feel so bad for Jim! I like the quick pace of this, just dealing with the points and giving us a peak into their lives in a few years from now. His relationship with the kids is really very sweet, I love how much Cece loves him and is grateful that he's her dad, regardless of what he does for a living. Hopefully you can get Pam to loosen her budget belt and buy the good mac and cheese. And I'm looking forward to seeing what her reaction is to what her little son said to his father. Hope the next chapter is on the way.
Author's Response: Hey Deedledee, I hope you're out of your funk. It's a new year and this one goes to '11. (hope you've seen Spinal Tap) Thanks for reading and reviewing. I hope to get to work on the conclusion soon.
Date: December 17, 2010 08:21 pm Title: Chapter 2 It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Oh jazzfan this is so so good and incredibly heartbreaking. Cecelia and Daniel are adorable and the tension makes me ache. Can't wait for the next chapter!o
Author's Response: Thanks so much kaat - appreciate the read and review.
Date: December 14, 2010 07:45 am Title: Chapter 2 It's a Barnum and Bailey world
You're killing me, lady. You write so well, but this makes me so sad. I never thought of generic mac & cheese as heartbreaking before ;) The loving Halpert home warms my heart, especially story time, but poor Jim! Make it all better, please?
Author's Response: Generic mac and cheese has tremendous suckage - try it some time. But you know I love to torture Jim. (not sure what that says about me) I think this time he's going to have to dig himself out, though. Thanks for reading and reviewing, Miz Nancyl
Date: December 12, 2010 05:45 am Title: Chapter 2 It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Haven't read a fic in many moons, Ms. Jazz, but so glad I did! I love me some angsty Jim - but only when it derives from a believable, true to character circumstance - and this is exactly that. I love that you've shown him to be a wonderful, loving father, but not without conflict or self-doubt...i.e., like an actual dad, not Daddy McPerfectpants.
Cece's reassurance is spot on: I don’t care what you do when you’re at work ‘cause I’m not there. Exactly how a kid that age thinks.
And finally, thanks for not tying up the ending in a perfect tv bow...even great parenthood is often a complicated, ambiguous business. As you so clearly show. ;-)
Author's Response: Well, thanks very much, Colette. I kinda hated to almost give it to Jim and then pull it back, but as you say, it's never that pretty in real life. Any motivated parent spends a lot of time wondering if they're doing anything right. Our Jim's got some thinking to do now. I laughed out loud at "Daddy McPerfectpants." Thanks!
Date: December 11, 2010 08:06 pm Title: Chapter 2 It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Wow, little Cece is so insightful. I can see that, just like her mother. How lucky Jim is to have children who love him so much. I'm curious to see how this story continues.
Author's Response: Thanks, andtheivy. Yeah, CeCe is a lot like Pam without the insecurities, and Daniel may be heading down the same path as his dad. Which is what Jim is afraid of. I appreciate your taking time to review.
Date: December 11, 2010 10:07 am Title: Chapter 2 It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Hey jazzy.
I'm going to leave you a better review, i.e. one in which I pull out phrases I really liked. I find that helpful as an author, to know what worked, and if something you thought was clever came across that way to someone else. Hope you don't mind that I do both chapters here.
certain that now it was his alphabetic misfortune to follow the firefighter.
“Pete’s an awesome bird. Pete’s an awesome bird.” LOL!
As he returned to the back of the room to polite “Mrs. Avery warned us to clap for everybody” applause
Maybe his children had decided to go live with a less boring, better dad, he brooded. Aww. Cheer up, Jim.
Pam’s demeanor softened as she took in this news, but the well intentioned pity he saw in her eyes only made it worse. Pam must have sensed this, because she quickly turned to help Daniel’s plate with the mac and cheese. Nice visual.
Loved the little detail of Jim playing with macaroni and peas; of Pam welling up when she sees the kids with him; and of course the end, where's he's reading, and knows she's watching him, but can't get himself to look at her.
One error: He didn’t see the tears well in her Pam’s eyes
Anyway, again, this is one of the best things I've seen here in awhile. Looking forward to the ending. :)
Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for doing this, callisto. It IS very helpful to hear the things that worked for you - as you say, when you write something you never really know how it will hit the reader. I'm very flattered that you like it. I did have a bit of fun imagining Jim playing with his food. Sometimes sweet Jimmy Halpert is thirty going on three.
Thanks for the error catch, too. My regular betas seem really busy right now and I hated to bug them during at the holidays to ask them to look at it.
10 [Report This]Date: December 11, 2010 10:05 am Title: Chapter 2 It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Oh, this was fantastic. Painful to read, for sure, but that's only because you wrote it so well. I love all the little details from the dryer to the macaroni and cheese to the kids' comments during storytime. I could totally see something like this happening, including the ways in which you have Jim and Pam handling everything. Very realistic, and I'm hoping for a happy ending because I hate to see Jim sad.
Nicely done :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I'm especially glad the scenario rang true for you - I'm going for realism here. Jim has some soul searching to do over this.
10 [Report This]Date: December 11, 2010 09:41 am Title: Chapter 2 It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Oh, man. So close to a happy ending, and then the three-year-old speaks. Makes me think of that Bill Cosby bit: "Children are so honest."
I love everything about this story. Love the twist that Hannah's dad may have a cool job, but that doesn't make Hannah any happier, does it? The part where he won't look at Pam after Daniel accidentally destroys his newly found good feeling was very real.
I hope chapter three sees Pam able to make him feel better. :)
Author's Response: I kinda felt bad snatching it away from him like that, but darn it, Daniel's an honest little guy. Thanks!
10 [Report This]Date: December 11, 2010 09:18 am Title: Chapter 2 It's a Barnum and Bailey world
This was SO amazing. I love your writing style so much, your stories always flow nicely.
There wasn't anything I didn't like in this chapter. It did break my heart though. The fact that Cece blatantly enjoyed Hannah's dad's presentation more - and didn't hide the fact very well... and then her comments about Hannah's dad and how much she loved Jim, guh. I melted. But Daniel's line about not wanting to be anyone important, God, I did not expect that. And kid's are like that. They don't realise what they're saying, and to him that was the biggest compliment in the world.
Thanks for updating. I can't wait for the last part - P.S I love it when you ramble
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind comments, Hannah_Halpert. Kids are brutally honest. Sometimes that's wonderful, and sometimes, well, not so much. Glad you have enjoyed it so far - gotta get some wrapping done and then I'll get busy on the last part.