Michael decides to take his sales dream team on a little trip and pulls Pam along for the ride. Spoilers through Cocktails.
10 *blinking in astonishment, wishing I had a handkerchief to pull from my cleavage at the moment, so I could daintily dab the sweat from my forehead*
First things first: For the sake of honesty, as a hard-core Jim/Pam fan, I was really hoping she'd say Jim's name (which may well say sick things about me, but let's not dwell there, mkay?).
BUT objectively speaking, the thrust of this fic (oh good god! Shut UP, Kevin! [/Meredith]), it makes sense that she'd suddenly find herself thinking of Ryan. While that may not satisfy my uber-romantic side, it does ring very, very true.
Interesting....this is such a strange and kind of dangerous game Jim & Pam are playing - trying to act on their feelings vicariously through other people. But it's a brilliant premise, and it really works here.
As a fellow writer who is hyper-sensitive to criticism of my work (in real life? Totally fine. When it comes to my writing? Eech, absolutely vulnerable. If I get two hundred positive reviews and two negatives, it's the negative ones that I'll fixate on), I feel compelled to tell you how admirable it is that you're absolutely fearless when it comes to what you write; you're not afraid to delve into the darkness or to explore an alternative that shakes the foundation of what the "consensus" (read: average romantic fan) is rooting for.
The guts it takes to do those things is commendable, and the fact that you pull it off every single time so flawlessly is just a testament to your talent as a writer.
So hats off - well done.
...Aaaaand now I'm waiting for the update. :o)
Oh - almost forgot - some of my favorite lines:
“Pam, please,” his voice is low again, like a growl, and something flutters in her abdomen. “Let me.”
Holy mother of all things naughty and sexy, I would so let him. (Sorry. Got carried away there.) That's one of those lines that'll just resonate for a long time, much like Kate Andrews's brilliant line in "Canary": "Anything..." (Haven't read that fic in months and months, but still that line/moment haunts me.)
And this:
Part of her can’t quite believe that she’s doing this, let alone doing this with Ryan the Temp. The guy that just couldn’t be Jim while Jim was gone and yet was him now that he was back.
...Well that just strips away the last vestiges of doubt I could possibly have had about the plausibility of these two.
Again - brav-o!
The guts it takes to do those things is commendable, and the fact that you pull it off every single time so flawlessly is just a testament to your talent as a writer.
Wow. Thank you so so so much for saying that, I mean really. I do really worry sometimes about what I post so it means a lot that you would say that. Again, thanks for taking so much time to tell me which parts you liked, it helps me think about the story and how you are reacting to it exactly. You are amazing!!
Story formerly known as Spring Cleaning. When he realizes she's asking him a serious question there is not even a moment’s hesitation before he answers. “Sure. What do you need?” Future fluff. Spoiler free, non-fat, as light as airy spun sugar. ;)
10 Okay, I have not felt this unabashedly giddy and happy since...seeing the two of them in their gigantic sombreros snorting and giggling together. This was so perfect; as usual, you've just nailed their voices. (Sometimes your Jim says things that just make me go, "Ahhh!" So perfect.) I love it when you give us these little slices of life, because they're always such a great balance of the realistic - of course she'll have a hard time not still feeling threatened by Karen; she's Pam - and the absolute giddy romance of it all. (This is one of those reviews that I fear will make no sense whatsoever when I post it.)
Anyway, I mean it when I say I hope you just keep adding to this; I could read these little vignettes forever. So good. [/Jim]
There are lines in there I feel are especially Jim. On the phone w/Pam and the bit at the end in particular.
I don't think this is all going to magically go away. I think even when - (WHEN Mr Daniels WHEN!!!) - they are together this stuff will creep up from time to time. You can't be estranged for a year without some sort of residual effect.
As long as it ends similarly to this I'm fine w/it.
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it.
10 Okay, first of all, seeing a new fic from you just made me ridiculously happy -- honestly, it was like hearing that a new episode's airing after a hiatus. Second of all, this is so perfect, as usual. Their exchange about Janie's fashion rut and the onesies made me laugh right out loud, and the disagreement that followed it seemed really real. I love reading about them blissfully happy, but I also love reading those stories when they're navigating their way through the bumps in the road to happily ever after. You've captured their dynamic so beautifully here -- thanks for this.
...And I'm hoping this means you're back and will be posting more stuff soon!
Oh stop it you!!!
I'm just dying for Project Runway to start. At first they were talking about Hell's Kitchen - but then I was inspired.
Soon - maybe. Just dusting off my keyboard at the moment. We shall see. Thank you so much for the review and the kind words over at TWoP - where I've been in deep lurk all summer. ;)
3 10 Mkay, that really unexpectedly kicked me in the grief bone; honest to god, I kind of gulped when I read "and she can almost see who he really is."
You've got such a unique style; I really like the bits in parentheses, and the almost stream-of-consciousness feel of this. And wow, do you paint a really compelling, sympathetic Karen here. I'm not a Karen hater (though I think she needs to get a clue and move on from Jim), but even so... I've always felt a little sorry for her, but this just makes me really ache for her. Those last few lines are absolutely killer.
I really, really liked this - are you going to continue it, or is it a oneshot?
wow thanks. I'm not sure whether or not to write a bit more but I've definitely got a few Ideas so in the next few weeks I might put an epilogue. It was really interesting to write Karen (who I'm don't like or dislike) so I am thinking of doing more along these lines.
Thanks for the review!
She notices his eyes are shining with unshed tears and a jolt of fear runs down her spine.10 Oh my god - first of all, I didn't notice that this was a Michael/Jan fic, so that was kind of a pleasant little, "Oh!" moment. That said, this is absolutely lovely - I don't think I've ever read an account of what happened on that infamous night. You really create a beautiful setting here; you do an excellent job of making it feel very real with your attention to detail.
And oh wow, the image of them lying on the bed laughing and crying is just gorgeous -- and it really sums up why Jan and Michael work so well together.
Really enjoyed this!
Thank you so much! I didn't realize until I posted it that people may confuse it for a Jim/Pam fic, so I'm glad it stood on its own. :)
I hope all five parts manage to form one cohesive unit, as I think taken individually they seem a little one-shot.
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Okay, any fic with the title "Peeps" wins a dundie from me, because I have an unnatural affection for those things, nasty as they are. :o) Loved this - so simple, such a natural moment for Karen to realize the futility of her relationship with Jim. And I also loved that Pam looked her straight in the eye when she told her about the Peeps; I detect just the slightest bit of subversion in Ms. Beesly there.... :o)
As always, great job!
10 Oh.my.god. This is absolutely brilliant! Jim writing fanfic? And NeckWatcher...? Ohhhhhhhh. Seriously, what an amazing, amazing premise - totally compelling!
Wait...you aren't John Krasinski, are you? :oD
10 Okay, first of all: I've read many versions of Jim's card (have even written one myself), and yours is hands down just it. Wow. Amazing. And it's Stanley's daughter with the crush, isn't it???? Heee! God, this is just so freaking brilliant; you really do nail Jim's voice, and what a great way to let us see into his perspective on the episodes. I would love to see you do this with every episode....
Thanks for this!
10 WOW. Shoooooooooooosh (a long exhale). I know I'm repeating myself, but this is freaking brilliant - and when I read his response that Jim would "totally do that," I got a little chill, like I was actually reading Jim's words. That came out sounding incredibly lame - just my attempt at saying that this is so meta, but that's what makes it even more realistic, I think.
Simply amazing.
Summer picnics, maps, rain...things change year to year. (No spoilers.)10 First of all, I love knowing what people are listening to as they write - and that song is so haunting.
That said: I love this concept -- LOVE it. Can't wait for the future picnics.
As usual, you just capture that emotion of initially falling so well: "You have that giddy tingly sensation in your chest, as if you’re embarking on an adventure. Like everything is lush with possibility and you have all the time in the world. It’s been a long, long time since summer felt this way. You’re aware that this is the wrong person, the wrong situation to feel it again. Still, you do. You do."
That just makes me ache for poor Pam, because i know that has to be exactly what it has been like for her for such a long time now.
Love the extended metaphor here - particularly Pam's desire to get lost with Jim. Sigh.
This: "When you pull up in front of your building that evening, you sit in the car for a moment, very still. The way he’s looking at you, you think that if you kissed him right now, he’d kiss you back. And then maybe you’d kiss him again. And again. But, that’s not the way it is. So instead, you quickly squeeze his hand and simply say thanks. He smiles at you as you climb out, but it’s a smile like a frown."
...is damned near perfect. Wow.
So looking forward to the next installment!
10 Oh wow. As usual, simply haunting stuff here with brilliant imagery, spot on metaphors (the itch at the end - but more on that later). The opening paragraph sets the scene so well; you do an excellent job of evoking that lazy summer picnic feel - the kind that nobody really wants to attend, but everybody goes anyway.
Second, the moment when she's drawing the cartoons and forgets, thinking she'll show them to him - just beautiful and so, so true. Like in "The Convention" when he catches himself - "I've got to call - " I'm betting there would be many, many moments like that for them.
And finally, this:
Later tonight, you’ll take a shower to wash away the day. Standing under the cool water, you’ll inspect your rapidly swelling bug bites, but inevitably, your mind will wander. It will go places it never quite ventured when he existed as flesh and blood. You’ll see his eyes, the line of his jaw, his hands. You’ll imagine more. You’ll scratch whatever itches you can, however you can. It won’t be enough, but there’s no Calamine Lotion for this. It will have to do.
....Simply brilliant, particularly the line, "It will go places it never quite ventured when he existed as flesh and blood." That captures part of Pam's tragedy so well -- when he was a reality, she didn't dare let herself venture into the realm of fantasy, you know?
Guh, this was gorgeous. (And I think I deserve a tiny dundie for reviewing this chapter in spite of the tantalizing end note here.) *dashes off for summer 2007, leaving a trail of smoke*
Jesus, colette. Seriously - this chapter is nothing short of astonishing. The way you sustain the metaphor of the map, threading it through so seamlessly - amazing. Wow. I'm still sort of taking it all in. Okay, from the beginning:
"His being back has turned out to be mostly a matter of semantics. Except for occasionally picking up his messages, he seems to have forgotten where your desk is. You daydream about leaving him a trail of jellybeans to find it. He’s remarkably good at ignoring you, considering you sit only ten feet away."
Love the reference to his return as semantics, because that's so true. And for some reason, I could absolutely buy Pam thinking she'd like to leave him a trail of jelly beans - that just sounds so like her.
‘Doesn’t look too promising,’ you say, glancing up as the sky darkens, threatening to sputter.
‘I dunno,’ Jim shrugs, looking you directly in the eye. For a second, it seems like he’s about to say something serious, but catches himself.
Mmm, love the subtext here - their eyes meeting, the palpable tension of all that's left unsaid. Terrific moment.
Your insides flip-flop between chagrin and a strange sort of exhilaration. The current in the air between you subtly shifts.
This description is spot-on -- and it's hard to articulate that moment when you realize you're exposed like that in some way (to someone you're attracted to, of course), but you vacillate between wanting to flaunt it and wanting to run.
....And obviously, you put it much, much better than I just did. :o)
I just…,’ he falters. Goes silent for a second. ‘I didn’t know how to do it Pam. How I was supposed to….’
‘What?’
‘To be,’ he says softly, just barely shaking his head. ‘I didn’t know how to be.’
It’s that simple. And that complicated.
Oh wow...beautiful, so succinct. Guh.
His skin, hot and damp, moving against you, deep deep inside you. Cool dry sheets, sighs like your name, his fingers catching in your still wet, tangled hair. You carefully explore the unfamiliar terrain of his body with your hands, your eyes, your mouth, until you’ve mapped every inch of him. You materialize under his touch.
As usual, this is erotic and understated and so exactly them.
The last two lines? Freaking brilliant, my dear.
OMG - I just realized there's another chapter!
10 Okay, this was such a satisfying end to a really lovely, lovely story.
You decide to compromise and wake him slowly. Follow a route you know well. Kissing him here and here and here, then, continuing lower, there and there. Rising to the surface from deep under now, he groans drowsily, happily. He reaches down and weaves his fingers through your hair. Holds on, as you get lost in it with him.
Guh. Yes, please. That's all I will say on the matter. :o)
He pulls you up and molds his body behind yours, burying his face in the back of your neck. His lips travel down along the ridge of your shoulder, return slowly to the freckle where your jaw meets your ear. His hands slide over and around you, everywhere. You lace your fingers with his and help him find his way.
‘Fuck, I love you…’ he breathes, holding you flush against him, as he pushes forward until you’re gasping too.
And then you’re moving moving moving together and there’s nowhere in the world but right here, right now. Oh god, just like that.
There will be other picnics.
This really resonated, was just so visual, so believable. Wow.
Jim walks over to the dresser to get a pair of boxer shorts. On the way, he picks up the t-shirt he’d dropped where he took it off last night and tosses it to you. He doesn’t even need to ask. You slip it over your head and follow him into the kitchen.
Ahh, love this little detail. Of course he wouldn't have to ask, and of course he'd do it automatically. And of course she'd want him to.
You grin back at him, as he mutters not really under his breath and reaches under the table for your hand. Kelly waxes on about Ryan’s near genius Frisbee skills and these amaaazing cupcakes Phyllis made and how totally sexy Ryan looked in the new sunglasses she picked out and oh my god Angela was wearing the most outrageously cute top and Ryan really should have put on more sunscreen, but he never listens and Ryan…
Her monologue fades into burbling white background noise. All you’re aware of is Jim’s thumb, rubbing rhythmically back and forth over the inside of your wrist.
Again - so real; I could so see this happening - him reaching for her hand under the table, whispering, 'Not really' under his breath.
Last line? Once again, perfect. Just perfect. What a treat - thank you!
This is a transcript of The Newlywed Show, taped in December 2009.10 I hope you believe me when I say that this absolutely had me laughing in the way the show does - like, little uncontrolled barks of laughter, and just when I catch my breath, along comes another something funny that sends me off again.
The concept? BRILLIANT. (How well I remember that show - think I may have had a small crush on Bob Eubanks when I was four.)
Overall, I think you nailed every single voice and every single couple here, from Phyllis and Bob to Jan and Michael -- every last one. Too, too many awesome lines to single one out. So I'll settle on a few lines per couple:
Dwight/Angela: (Bob) (With an expression of disbelief). Do you understand how our game works, Dwight? (Dwight) Yes, I believe I do. You told me to answer the question how I believe my wife will answer it. That is what I did." So perfectly Dwight. And for Angela, it'd have to be: While awake, his conduct is virtually blameless. When he sleeps, he snores like the demon dogs of hell." Michael/Jan: "Yeah, won’t buy the milk if you get the cow for free." So perfectly emblematic of the way the writers themselves invert the stereotypical gendered behaviors between these two. Hilarious. Ryan/Kelly: Hard to say which my favorite Ryan line was, because I tell you, you got his voice down better than I think I've ever seen anyone - so snide, so deadpan, so eternally mortified. Love it that Kelly got mad about looking like a whore on television; love it even more that he got mad because she brought up the fire! Jim/Pam: First, you've endowed them with such a sweetness here that doesn't go anywhere near sappy or trite - it's just perfect. That said, I laughed out loud at Pam's answer to his most annoying habit, and his immediate response: "Hey Pam, did you know we’re on television?" Just amazing - loved it! Will be reading/reviewing the remaining chapters in a bit (damn real life!).
10 I remember the "in the butt!" (Whoa, that did not sound right.)
Again, this chapter had me absolutely rolling. But the thing that makes you absolutely win at life forever?
(Michael) (Looks puzzled, hesitates) I guess…in the butt? (Hooting and laughter from audience, Bob cracks up) (Darryl) (From audience) ‘Attaboy, Mike! I literally clapped my hands - swear to god. This has been a total hoot; it's killing me. Love it.
10 Simply amazing - honestly. A brilliant concept with absolutlely spot-on characterizations. (I kid you not -- I'm almost wondering if you're Lee Eisenberg or Gene Stupnitsky or something.)
Just terrific fun - totally put me in a good mood. Hope you keep writing and posting!
Pam cools her feet in the water. Takes place immediately following Beach Games.10 You know, I never made the connection between her cold feet and walking on coals, but having read this, I'm almost certain it wasn't an accident. This was terrific - love the metaphor you're sustaining throughout.
Beautiful, understated, succinct - as usual! You ROCK.
Okay, you SUCK for 1) ruining my lunch (I was laughing so hard that the chewing got to be too damned difficult, so I just shoved my Lean Cuisine away, and now it's cold and 2) for waking up my dogs - I was roaring at this in a fashion that I'm pretty sure is altogether unhealthy.
In short: This.was.AWESOME. Oh my god. I am dying here - too many damned funny lines to quote (you get a dundie just for having a character utter, "Sakes Alive!" ...especially after a sexual encounter with a seamonster). But I have to say that this was my favorite line - I think:
From the feel of it, they both needed a little time on the Shame Stool.
FREAKING AWESOME. You rule, sister.
Sorry I ruined your lunch. It wasn't beets, was it?
We'll know we've been caught if we ever hear about a "Shame Stool" at Schrute farm. Because, you know there was one.
8 When true love goes a little too far... bad!fic for the truly twisted Jam fan in all of us.
My shoulders are shaking - my god. [/John Krasinski]
Seriously...there really are no words - this is absolutely hilarious. WELL DONE!
Whoa! This is absolutely my favorite review ever just because you quoted JKras. I am sooo in love with that man, that just hearing his voice in a review is like, whoa! Oooh now I'm all shivery and tingly. Yay for you!
Oh, and I've been meaning to say thanks for the compliments on the user name. You're too kind!
"It was kind of amazing that he had so many hands. She'd only ever noticed two before."
haaahahahaha! And OMG, the last line - freaking hysterical. You are killing me here, really. I think I'm the one who needs professional help; I'm laughing like a drunken idiot, and all I've had to drink today is water and diet Rite!
Sick and wrong, girl -- sick and WRONG. But somehow, I love it so....
Author's Response: Yep. That about sums up how I feel about this story too.
10 Brav-o. *standing, clapping alone in my house* Honest to god - this really was brilliant. Like, Greg Daniels & Co. apparently watch and enjoy the fanvids - this would absolutely slay them, I'm thinking. (Hey! I made an inadvertent pun - look at that!)
Seriously, though...brilliant concept, freaking hilarious ending. Ah, thank you for this. Sure am glad I was home alone while reading this and not in a quiet library or something. ;o)
Haha! You're so punny!
Maybe I should add a disclaimer about reading in public...But on second thought, maybe this is payback for all the times I've snorted, giggled, sniffled and gasped while reading in front of other people. Ha! Take that fanfiction universe!
Most brilliant thing about this chapter: Vacillating back and forth between various spellings of Pam's last name! Hee!
Author's Response: Lol! I wasn't sure people would catch that, but I couldn't resist.
Bwah! Brilliant, my dear, brilliant. Writing yourself into your own fic...now that's a damned fine idea!
Author's Response:
You should try it! Actually, no you shouldn't (unless you're writing bad!fic yourself). That was Azlynn talking and she's even weirder than I am. Great, now I'm having conversations with myself. Fantastic. Moving on...
Funny aside: I have to admit, at first it creeped me out like nothing else to have Jim talking to me. Then I altered the name, and I was fine again.
Anyways, I'm glad you liked it. I'm living off fanfiction rather than sleep at the moment (can you tell?) and I know I've been lax about reviewing lately, but I just have to say Every Day has been making my life so much more bearable. So thanks for that!
Hee! So much fun (although you totally should've had Karen and Pam sometimes making out from sheer lonliness). ;oP
Author's Response:
To me, the word spinsters already connotes some implied making out for that very reason, but I guess it's possible that they really were eternally in love with Jim and decided to live a completely nunnish existence after losing him. Okay, maybe Pam was.