Date: August 24, 2008 12:57 pm Title: What Might Have Been
I'm really enjoying this and how this chapter cuts between them. I think your last paragraph was cut off though mid-sentence. Looking forward to more.
Author's Response:
Whoa! That last sentence was cut off. I always paste into the editor and then apply the formatting. I looked it over twice and still missed that. So thanks for letting me know. That last sentence is (previously missing words in bold):
But the moment she decided to write that note and send the picture to him, it became an invitation to what might be.
Thanks for taking the time to review!
10 [Report This]Date: August 24, 2008 12:52 pm Title: What Might Have Been
WOW!!!! talk about suspense, I can not wait to see what Jim finally decides to do. Can't wait for the next chapter! This one was great!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I have the next chapter kind of laid out in my mind, so I hope it won't be too long till it's written up. I'm glad you're enjoying my little yarn.
Date: August 24, 2008 11:57 am Title: A Wonderful Life
Very nice!! I love the circumstances you set up for them, that Jim had moved in with Karen and had been "happy" for a while but then found out he wasn't. Pam too, that she had wanted to say something real but just couldn't. It is totally believable, especially the complete lack of communication between everyone. The description of the painting was really well done as well, and you explained perfectly why she included all the things she did. Great job!!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot. I always appreciate detailed reviews like that that let me know what is (or isn't) working for a reader. I appreciate your taking the time to let me know.
Date: August 21, 2008 05:43 pm Title: A Wonderful Life
You don't need the penny. I'll GIVE you my thoughts. All of them :P
That would be gross. Well, it wasn’t as if his mouth would’ve never –
Why must you write lines that make whatever I am drinking go up my nose. So gross because it is so true. Yet somewhat unpalatable when you put it that way, and I'm not really a squeamish person... Pam's squicky thoughts make her very real.
I'm enjoying the pace of it- read up to here all in one shot, but it felt unhurried and as if it were in 'real time'- sometimes fics have Pam and Jim having immediate deep reactions to things that are way too articulate to be natural, while you've given them time to think.
I'll offer my thoughts on something that bothered me, and I'm doing my best to convey it without sounding presumptuous or judgemental.Anyway, it's the section in chapter 3 where it started Jim’s life with Karen was tumultuous.
I loved the fact you used the word tumultuous. Jim seems to be a a be-er not a do-er; he likes his time to simply be content and Karen doesn't seem to. And your description of Karen's constant need to 'do' something was great- on the show she literally always seems to be moving around. So on to my criticisms- I started to feel she was described as being one-dimensional and cold though... I could see her selecting the furniture you described and wanting the best but I think Jim would have seen what was underneath that which was the true reason he didn't like the visible trappings you described. Maybe he realized that being 'trendy' made her feel secure? That she let other people decide what was best instead of what she felt was appropriate on her own? I felt you skimmed over Karen considering that Jim broke off a long-term relationship with her. And these are underlying problems that Pam either doesn't have or has moved on from, which is why I thought they were important.
Anyway, I liked your idea for the photo, love Pam tracking the package (good grief, I'm obsessed with tracking packages I send, no matter how trivial the contents) and what was written in her note was perfect. Especially the Casino Night reference- she would totally fall on one of 'their' phrases to be sure he understood.
So it's probably obvious that I harbour a strong affection for this fic. And I do not want to put any evil thoughts in your head for future work, but the first chapter of this could almost stand as a one-shot... a very teasing one-shot, but still! Loving this. Finding it hard not to harangue you for more asap :)
Author's Response:
Thank you for sharing ALL your thoughts! This is a wonderful review!
Did you really have something go up your nose? I'm sorry ... sort of! :P
And, yeah, you are absolutely right that I made Karen one-dimensional. Unfairly so – and probably to the detriment of the story. But originally this was SUPPOSED to be a one-shot. And then it was up to two, maybe three chapters. I just wanted to get her out of the way so I could move on to the meat of the story that I wanted to write. I'm thinking that I'll get to the point where something decisive has happened in terms of Jim's reaction and mark the story complete. Go back to Cardiac Care. And, if my husband doesn't threaten to divorce me for estrangement, come back and add more to Gifts. If I do that, I'll probably rewrite that chapter to flesh Karen out to a real character and not just a plot device.
My son thought I should leave it at the first chapter, too. But I already had composed the pastel in my mind and just wanted to write it.
I'm just really excited that this story provoked such a detailed review! Makes me feel like a "real" writer ... so thank you!
Date: August 21, 2008 11:22 am Title: A Wonderful Life
Another great chapter, VB and it’s a thought-provoking one at that. I can see where Pam is coming from; I too think Jim would have cared more about her future career that his own. It was clear from early on in the show that Jim didn’t consider that he had a career; paper sales were simply a means to an end. Consequently, (this not being the only reason however), I think the potential existed for him to have only invested in her future, thereby paying little or no attention to his own ambitions and dreams until a few years down the line. If this did turn out to be the case, I don’t think he would look upon Pam’s achievements in a negative way, rather her success would cast light on his lack of ambition and/or achievements and that can be very hard to cope with, for all sorts of reasons. As we know, Jim is a smart guy and in season 4 of the show, we see that when he wants something badly enough, he pushes himself forward. Maybe that’s what would have happened if they had got together on Casino Night? Maybe he would have pushed himself to be more than a paper salesman, for her, for them. Or maybe he would have sat back and given every ounce of himself to her as he did day after day until the night she kissed him back and then told him she was still going to marry Roy. I guess we’ll never know! Am anxiously awaiting chapter 5 and am hoping you will post before I leave for a week’s holiday on Friday evening…hint, hint! BAx
Author's Response:
Hi, BAx!
Yep, what she said! (VB says while pointing at BAx.) I think the potential was definitely there for Pam & Jim to end up in a pretty unbalanced relationship, which is never good in the long run.
I'll try to get chapter 5 up tonight. You're 4 hours ahead of me, so if I don't get it finished in the next couple of hours, I won't make your deadline. I hope you have a good holiday! (Or "vacation" as we call it here in the States ... just in case you need it for your story. Here in the States, "holidays" are the 10 national holidays that are scattered throughout the year. New Years Day, Martin Luther King Day, Presidents' Day, Independence Day ... Jim wouldn't "go on holiday", he'd "go on vacation" to return to see Pamela in London. A sequel to On London Time, perhaps??)
Date: August 21, 2008 10:30 am Title: If You Could Say It in Words...
VB, this chapter is just lovely. Thank goodness Jim didn’t use the return shipping label – I can say for sure that this would have killed me off! And, I just love Pam in this story: “I just needed you to know. Once” – gulp!
And this line: “The composition was kind of dynamic, with the hands and the legs pushing their way into the frame.” You my friend are an artist. BAx
Author's Response: Thank you! Your reviews always put the biggest smiles on my face!
9 [Report This]Date: August 21, 2008 07:07 am Title: A Wonderful Life
I'm enjoying this so far. Looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Thank you!
9 [Report This]Date: August 20, 2008 06:20 pm Title: A Wonderful Life
My thoughts are... I want more!! What is Jim going to do??
Author's Response: Not telling yet! Next chapter will be up in a day or so. Thanks for the note, Crystalized.
Date: August 20, 2008 09:31 am Title: A Wonderful Life
I really like this story. And I love how Pam pictures she and Jim's life together. Awesome!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot, SkeetShruting. I appreciate your taking the time to review.
10 [Report This]Date: August 20, 2008 08:48 am Title: The Delivery
I am so glad I found this story, two things really make it click for me so far. Your portrayal of Pam is right on I think, and the way you described Jim's relationship with Karen was basically the way I've always wanted to but have been unable to express in words. PLEASE KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot, dmtip. I'm glad to hear you think I got Pam and karen right. There will be a couple more chapters before this story is marked complete. Thanks for the attagirl!
Date: August 20, 2008 08:25 am Title: A Wonderful Life
You have a great ability to get inside the characters heads. You really make me stop and think how both Jim and Pam needed to grow seperately and experience some pain to see what they could of had was worth fighting for again. At least that's what I'm hoping for.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoy the "inside the characters' heads" aspect of my stories ... My husband's looked at my them and he basically thinks nothing happens!
10 [Report This]Date: August 20, 2008 08:16 am Title: A Wonderful Life
Ah, VB...love love love: love the idea of Pam daydreaming of her future with Jim; love her thoughts of having his babies; and, love the way in which she would tell him. Her "ew" made me laugh. Such a funny (and realistic) thought. Perfect combination of wistfulness and longing and happy here.
Author's Response: Hi, NR! As always, thank you for the kind words! I liked the Ew moment, too. But, I must admit, now I hope my son doesn't ask to see any more of the story. I know he's read much more graphic stuff but the idea of having him aware of some of the stuff I write ... well, he'd rib me forever!
Date: August 20, 2008 05:29 am Title: A Wonderful Life
First, let me say that I'm really enjoying this story. There is a nice rhythm to your prose that supports the tone of reflection and anxious anticipation well. I'm looking forward to more! Now, on to the philosophy...
Pam came to the conclusion that they had to have this time apart or she’d have held one of them back.
I think this is an interesting point. I think in the context of the show, it isn't entirely the case, because I don't think Jim considers his career as anywhere near as important as Pam; he'd make that trade every day of the week and twice on Sunday. But I believe that Pam would think that way, because she wants what is best for him. This will give me something to ponder, so thanks for that!
Author's Response:
Hi, nqllisi:
Thanks so much for leaving such a detailed review. I definitely agree with you about the quoted statement being Pam's POV and that Jim would "make that trade every day of the week and twice on Sunday." (Never heard that phrase before – I like it!) That said, what you feel today and what you feel in 5 - 10 years are often very different things. I think that, down the line, if Pam was a successful artist and really enjoying her "professional life" and Jim felt he was still in a mickey mouse job, he would come to resent it. I know that I made career decisions along the way to take time off for motherhood, take lesser jobs to reduce my commute and so on. Now I think my husband has a "real job" and I feel like I have a "toy job." Pays well but it doesn't come close to challenging me. We spend a LOT more time discussing my husband's job than mine ... because there his has legitimate stuff that's worth discussing. Mine, not so much so. And, although I know the decisions were right at the time, and right in the long term for my family, I do sometimes resent it.
Date: August 20, 2008 04:31 am Title: The Delivery
I love this story right now. There are so many posting now that are so sad--fights, illness, separation, broken engagements. Yikes. Everyone seems obsessed with an unhappy JAM right now!
This story gives me some hope that they'll figure it out.
Author's Response: Thanks, jkfan9989. I'm pretty sure my Pam & Jim will figure things out. Really hoping Pisa (Not the Marrying Kind) is not some kind of soothsayer!
Date: August 19, 2008 10:29 pm Title: The Delivery
OK yeah...grrreat story...um, there was this other story I was loving...I think it was called Cardiac Care? Killing me with that one VB.
-MCC
Author's Response:
Thank you for the little nudge, MCC! I'm not forgetting Cardiac Care. This story was supposed to be a quickie but it keeps growing on me! I think it'll be done in a couple of chapters and then I'll get back to the first one.
Date: August 19, 2008 10:19 pm Title: A Wonderful Life
So great to read! Thanks much. Can't wait to see where this leads.
MCC
Author's Response: Thanks, MCC! I really appreciate your taking the time to leave a few words...
10 [Report This]Date: August 19, 2008 10:15 pm Title: A Wonderful Life
Wow. Once again, this story is so beautitful. Are you going to continue it? Please continue it! Either way, loved it!
Author's Response:
Thanks AGAIN, rj! You're always so nice about leaving reviews for every chapter. I really appreciate it.
And, yes, there are a few more chapters left in this story.
10 [Report This]Date: August 19, 2008 10:13 pm Title: If You Could Say It in Words...
WOW WOW WOW! This was so perfect in everyway shape and form. I'm completely in love with this story now. The painting was so beautiful. I love that your Pam has so much confidence :D
Author's Response: Thanks a lot, raspberryjam! What a nice review. I'm kinda partial to this chapter, myself. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Date: August 19, 2008 10:08 pm Title: All His Questions
Oh I liked Jim's part. Very Nice!
Author's Response: Thanks.
Date: August 19, 2008 10:05 pm Title: The Delivery
Wow this is a very lovely story. I love the way you write (Cardiac Care), and this definitely didn't dissapoint. I loved Pam's awkward letter that had hints of her being her own woman. It was great!
Author's Response: Thanks, raspberryjam. I'm so glad that you enjoy my stories.
10 [Report This]Date: August 19, 2008 08:16 pm Title: A Wonderful Life
Super sweet, loving it! I think you've captured Pam unbelievably well here.
Don't think I'm not still waiting on new Cardiac Care, though ;-)
Author's Response: Thanks, ditp. I'm glad you're enjoying. I will get back to CC in a week or so, when I finish this. And, howzabout my repeated requests for an update of Acting on Impulse??
10 [Report This]Date: August 19, 2008 08:05 pm Title: A Wonderful Life
Oh my God, please update, like, every day! I'm so loving this story!
Author's Response: Not sure I can get an update posted every day! But I will get a few more posted and then mark this baby finished so I can get back to Cardiac Care. Thanks for taking the time to leave a review.
Date: August 19, 2008 07:54 pm Title: The Delivery
What a great story! You are such a good writer! Can't wait for more! I am anxious to see what happens!
Author's Response: Thank you very much, Jinxcoke. I really appreciate the compliment.
Date: August 19, 2008 07:54 pm Title: A Wonderful Life
Great chapter. I'm curious how they'll get back together, if they do.
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
Date: August 17, 2008 09:49 pm Title: If You Could Say It in Words...
I L-O-V-E this story! I have to admit, however, I am having a hard time picturing a white stick with a red plus. What is that?
Author's Response: Thank you! The stick is an over the counter pregnancy test. The red plus indicates POSITIVE.