9

Good start! I especially like your characterization of Karen. May I suggest breaking up your paragraphs a little more. The long, dense blocks of text are a little hard to read. Otherwise, I have no critique- and I look forward to where you go from here!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I\'m glad you said something about the paragraphs, I wasn\'t sure if I should keep them the way they are or split them...I toyed with it for a while and couldn\'t decide what I liked better. Hopefully my second chapter won\'t disappoint!

10

I don't think Jim gets enough credit for what he went through during that time. I love how you portray him here, torn up in knots, going with the flow (because that is what Jim does) but desperate to do something else. And he got his sign, which is beautiful because it was Pam, herself, who sent it to him. I love this tremendously, particularly your portrayal of Karen. Just gorgeous. And nice, nice title, too. It is perfect.

I have a real fondness for 5-things/5-times stories, because I think a strong framework allows for real creativity. This does not disappoint. You've captured very vivid, strong, real emotions in each section, leaving just enough detail to tie the paragraphs to real events but letting us fill in the blanks ourselves. That's an excellent way to draw the reader in, because you can then focus on creating the emotional content rather than describing the action. I'm rambling, but that's because I loved this so much.  My favorite sentence, because it describes something we didn't see but feels breathtakingly real: He’s in love with me, she thinks to herself, and soon she’s crouched beneath his chair, leaning against his desk: the steadiness in the world that only comes from him.

Nice use of the prompt! This is cute and just a little sexay. Good work.

Intriguing premise. I'm already thinking ahead to how this scenario would turn into, for example, Casino Night, or the whole thing with Karen. I'd be happy to read more!

Author's Response: Hey, nqllisi, thanks for the review! Interestingly, I have Casino Night and Karen already accounted for in this universe and hopefully I\'ll be able to get the next portions out soon. Thanks for reading. :)

Well, that's too sad. I approve of the short length, the almost staccato sentences- they convey the enormity of their loss with stark simplicity.

Well done.

Aww, so sweet. And dealing with that "nothing fits" issue is a very real one, so I love that, too.

Oh, Michael. Perfect, awful, Michael. Love it.

Oh, this is lovely. And as pleased as I am for them to go on and consumate this marriage, I was actually disappointed that we only got the one scene. More would be delightful! Enjoy the wedding!!

10

This absolutely sings. Sexy, of course, but more than that, it feels true. You balance the romance of their story with the reality of life effortlessly. This is a simple, quiet triumph.

Lovely, lovely, lovely. And now that we have come so far, it is nice to go back to the beginning of the happy ending.

I liked your tone here. You conveyed his tension and anguish very well. It had to be torture for present Jim just like it had been for past Jim. Nicely done!

Author's Response: I'm so happy I was able to put the emotions I wanted to convey on paper. It was hard writing the angsty stuff, but the fluff and his longing for her came easily. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!