Boys and Girls

Talk to me, Tivo: When Jan conducts a seminar for the female employees, Michael takes the guys to the warehouse for some male bonding.
Jaminess: 2 [3=Casino Night]

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The Carpet

Talk to me, Tivo: When someone stains the carpet in Michael’s office, he begins to question his popularity among his staff.
Jaminess: 2 [3=Casino Night]

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The Secret

Talk to me, Tivo: Because Jim fears Michael will tell the others he likes Pam, he pretends to be Michael’s best friend.
Jaminess: 3 [3=Casino Night]

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The Injury

Talk to me, Tivo: After he has an accident while using a grill, injured Michael demands attention from the entire Dunder Mifflin office.
Jaminess: 1 [3=Casino Night]

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Booze Cruise

Talk to me, Tivo: When Michael takes the Mifflin crew on a motivational harbor cruise, things get out of hand and Michael ends up in the brig.
Jaminess: 3 [3=Casino Night]

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Christmas Party

Talk to me, Tivo: After Michael suggests a game of Yankee Swap with the Secret Santa gifts, everyone fights over Michael’s gift to Ryan, bringing morale to an all-time low.
Jaminess: 2 [3=Casino Night]

Jam Cam: It’s the most wonderful time of the year! So wonderful, in fact, that Jim got Pam for Secret Santa. He bought her a teapot that he knows she wants because he pays attention to her. As an added bonus, there’s some hot sauce packets, his really cute [but dorky] high school picture, and a card “because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.” Awwww.

So while Jim is packing up with box with a card that tells Pam…something, Pam has to tell Michael there can’t be any liquor at the party. Then she feels like passively aggressively helping Angela set up for the party.

But who needs parties when you have Secret Santa! Michael asks Jim if he got a good gift this year for his secret crush…I mean, Santa. Jim thinks he did a pretty good job despite the $20 limit and we may agree but it depends on what we find out he wrote in the card. Michael, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to get the whole “secret” part of Secret Santa, which sort of ruins it for Jim before it even begins.

It’s present time! Creed is proud to announce that Jim’s present is from him. Jim is proud to show off the shirt from Creed’s closet that isn’t even going to come close to fitting. Pam looks genuinely happy when she opens her teapot and thanks Santa, whoever that is. We know! Jim tries to explain there is more to the gi…oh nevermind. We have to go quick with these presents. Moving on! Now!

After Michael gets Ryan a video iPod and gets only a knit oven mitt, he freaks out and officially declares Yankee Swap in order to get rid of his “gift.” Jim calls it Nasty Christmas, Pam [like my family] calls it White Elephant. Either way, someone is ending up with a fruitcake. Oh wait…that was me last year. Someone will end with an oven mitt.

Meredith is up first and she takes the teapot. Jim looks crestfallen — he specifically bought that for Pam after all. “Yaaaankeee Swap! That’s what makes it fun,” Michael declares. Jim does not look like he’s having fun. At all. Empty-handed Pam grabs the iPod of Michael’s love from Ryan. Ick. Pam looks a little giddy about her lot in life, Jim looks dejected. First, he gets a crap gift from Creed, then the present he literally put his heart and soul into has landed somewhere in the Yankee Swap black hole and Pam looking more excited about the iPod she swapped for.

One last round, one last chance to make things better. Pam takes the iPod, again to the disappointment of Jim. “Sure you don’t want to the teapot?” he begs. But yeah, yeah, take the iPod, it’s ok. Besides, it won’t be so bad because Oscar has the teapot. Oh crap, nevermind. Dwight, of all people, has the teapot and a little part of Jim dies inside. “You gotta be kidding me,” Jim mutters. Nope, Dwight has the teapot and he’ll probably use it for something other than tea like his paintballs or something. Sorry, Jim.

Nope, I was wrong. Dwight is going to stick the teapot up his nose to clear his sinuses when he gets sick. Can this get any worse? Well, it could for Pam. Seems her little ploy to get the iPod means Roy doesn’t have to get it for her for Christmas anymore so he can hop to the mall for a sweater or something. Pam needs some booze, Jim needs some booze, and luckily Santa Booze shows up in the form of Michael with a case — yes, a case — of vodka.

Pam needs that iPod of hers to block out Roy’s yap yap yapping about fantasy football. And then she sees it — her teapot. In the hands of Dwight. Ick. It’s like she’s stuck between two evils.

While everyone else is getting a little crazy, Pam’s sitting at her desk when Jim comes over to remind her she doesn’t need to answer phones during the Christmas party. “I was just checking out my present,” she says, putting the teapot on the counter. Oh my God! She got her teapot back! The teapot Jim bought her! Squee! She traded with Dwight because Jim went through all that trouble. Oh, and as an afterthought, Roy got her iPod or was going to get her one or something. Who cares? She has the teapot with the bonus gifts and the card that Jim wrote just for her. Bonus gifts? Jim looks excited to tell her that and Pam looks excited to see them. A Boggle timer, a yearbook picture! “Yeah, I think I made the right choice,” Pam muses. Wait until she read the card because that’s going to make her choice even better. Jim picks up the card from Pam’s desk and….wha? Is he putting it in his pocket? Dammit, Jim! How is Pam going to know what it says if it’s in your pocket? How are we supposed to know? You frustrate us in so many ways, Halpert, so many ways. Thanks for nothing.

The Others: It’s Christmas party time, but Michael seems to be the only one in the spirit since he’s the only one that got a bonus. After giving his boyfriend Ryan an iPod during Secret Santa, he gets an oven mitt from Phyllis and freaks out. Yankee swap! The weather outside is getting frightful and so is the babies playing jazz poster Toby bought for Angela while Kelly’s name plate goes to Ryan. Interesting. The whole incident drains any kind of holiday cheer from everyone so to make up for it, Michael gets lots of booze and everyone has a gay old time. Packer shows up with mistletoe in his belt — ick — but it looks like Dwight may be the only one getting a kiss. This, of course, is the last straw for Angela. Her party planning was a bust and her crush got a kiss from someone else so of course she freaks out in the parking lot and breaks a bunch of ornaments. Meredith freaks out inside and shows Michael her tits, and then everyone has a fun little snowball fight in the middle of California…I mean, Scranton. Merry friggin’ Christmas!

What have we learned today, kids: Who cares about the money you spent? It’s the thought that counts. Anyone can just go buy a sweater at the mall, but it’s the special ones that buy you a teapot, which is just what you wanted, filled with all the little jokes you shared over the years. Although it is a little strange he didn’t get you a card, too.

– written by Jenny

Quotes

Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa and I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants so she can make tea at her desk. But I’m also going to stuff it with some inside jokes — like this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party and it really makes her laugh. I’m not sure why. Um, what else? Oh, this is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple of years ago because she thought it was ketchup and it was really funny so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won’t. And this is a card because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

Dwight: Pam.
Pam: Oh my God! [shows off the teapot] Thank you very much, Santa, whoever you are. It’s awesome! Jim: There’s a little more to it.
Dwight: Alright, next! Ryan.

Michael: Ok, Meredith is up first. Here’s the deal. You can either pick a new gift or you can steal somebody else’s gift they’ve already gotten like the oven mitt.
Meredith: I’ll take the teapot.
Jim: Oh, shouldn’t we…I bought that specifically for Pam.
Michael: Yaaankee Swap. That’s what makes it fun. Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now.
Pam: I’ll take the iPod.

Dwight: Pam, steal something or pick the final gift.
Pam: I want the iPod.
Kelly: Dammit.
Jim: Sure you don’t want the teapot?
Pam: I mean, it’s an iPod.
Jim: Right.
Pam: Sorry.
Jim: No no, definitely.
Kelly: Ok, well, I guess I’ll take that book of short stories.
Dwight: Yes! There you go. I want the teapot. Gracias.
Jim: You’ve got to be kidding me.

Jim: I bought this teapot for Pam and I know she really wants it, so can I trade you for it?
Dwight: No trades.
Jim: Come on, it’s a shamrock keychain. Good luck.
Dwight: “A real man makes his own luck.” Billy Zane, Titanic.
Jim: Look, it has sentimental value, Dwight. Can I buy it from you?
Dwight: No, I want it. I’m going to use it.
Jim: You don’t even drink tea.
Dwight: True, but I get sinus infections and sinus infections can be cured by making tea from green tea leaf stems and pouring it directly into your nose like so. [Dwight sticks the teapot in his nose.]

Jim: To think that my gift to Pam will be used for that — it’s a little too much to handle.

Roy: This is awesome.
Pam: I know! It’s totally going to change the way I work out.
Roy: Yeah, and I was going to get you one of these for Christmas. Now I don’t have to. I’m gonna save a ton of money.
Pam: So what are you going to get me instead?
Roy: I don’t know. Probably like a sweater or something.

Jim: You know, you don’t have to answer calls during a party. Just thought you should know.
Pam: No, I was just, um, checking out my present. [Pam pulls out her teapot.] Jim: But…
Pam: I traded with Dwight. I just�I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and that means a lot and also Roy got me an iPod or, um, was going to get me an iPod, so…
Jim: Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. Look inside.
Pam: Oh my God! The yearbook picture!

Pam: Yeah, I think I made the right choice. [Holds her teapot up for the camera.]

Pam: Oh my God, this is incredible! Is this the Boggle timer?
[Jim grabs the card he put in the box and puts it in his pants pocket.] Jim: I didn’t think you were going to get that one. I really didn’t know.

Email Surveillance

Talk to me, Tivo: When Michael begins monitoring their emails, he manages to upset all of the employees.
Jaminess: 2 [3=Casino Night]

Jam Cam: Someone thought it would be a good idea to give Michael the power to spy on everyone’s email and their email-vitations. But who cares about that when Pam suspects something weird going on between Angela and Dwight? Ick. Of course, who does she turn to first to share her theory? Try the cute sales guy that she’s friends with. Dwight and Angela? Ick. Yuck. Blech. At least Pam and Jim are on the same page when it comes to someone else’s relationship. Too bad they’re not on the same page when it comes to their own.

Pam takes control of the scheming for today by going over on her own to try and get something out of Dwight about his possible “relationship” with Angela. Jim looks a little frustrated when she can’t accomplish her task. Jim and Pam work much better as a team.

Michael starts breaking in to people’s emails for the fun of it and realizes Jim did not send him an e-vitation to his barbecue tonight. Maybe Michael should ask the camera guy what’s going on since the camera guy seems to know all the secrets or, at least, the ones he shares with Pam. Did you see that, camera guy? Two Baby Ruths. Hey Pam, more attention to Jim, less attention to the camera guy. Well actually, I’m liking this camera guy thing.

Michael decides to use passive aggression and a Cup o’ Noodle to find out why he wasn’t cool enough to get an e-vitation. You know what Michael really misses about college? Parties. Oh ouch. The looks on Jim’s face is a look of realization that he is busted. Sooooo busted. But why would you invite your boss to partake in your drinking of imported beer and karaoke machine? Oh, and Jim’s roommate wants to meet Dwight. Jim’s roommate thinks Jim is making Dwight up. Jim assures us that Dwight is very real. On a fake TV show.

While Jim is trying to slyly dodge the boss, the camera guy is trying to slyly get Pam’s attention. Oh my God! She was right about Dwight and Angela — Dwight is eating Angela’s Baby Ruth. Pam, like the rest of the viewing audience, is squeeing for joy that we know the secret but repulsed at the same time. Dwangela? Ick. Yuck. Blech.

But while one secret is revealed, Jim is still trying to keep his party a secret from Michael, which now means he has to tell Dwight not to talk about it because it’s a surprise party for Michael! Just…without Michael. Dwight takes the bait hook, line, and sinker.

Jim tells Pam all about his stroke of genius. And oh, by the way, is Roy coming? Ya know, because Jim is just trying to figure out numbers for food and whether he’s going to cock blocked by Pam’s fiance at his own barbecue. Stuff like that.

Michael totally knows about the party but isn’t letting on. Jim totally knows about the party and thinks he knows what Michael is trying to get at but isn’t letting on. Awkward. Oh wait, everyone knows about the party but isn’t letting on. Super awkward.

Woah, what’s this? The camera crew showed up at the party? They must have been on the e-vitation list. This means we get to see where Jim lives — where he eats, where he sleeps, where he makes out with Pam…sorry, where he imagines making out with Pam. Oh, and we get to see where Jim hides his key to the front door. If Dwight can find it in the key rock, so can Pam — if she ever needs to.

Jim decides to give everyone the tour of the place starting in the room with those Christmas lights on the wall that are totally saying “I’m just out of college and not mature enough to know they are tacky interior decorations.” Nice job, Prop Guy! As the head up the stairs, the first question asked of Tour Guide Jim has nothing to do with the house — Ryan just wants the phone number for Jim’s ex-girlfriend and makes sure to ask within ear shot of the receptionist Jim lusts after. Awkward…or not?

Pam breaks off from the tour group to poke around Jim’s room, sit on Jim’s bed, and leaf through Jim’s high school yearbook. “Alright, yes, that’s not going to be awkward at all.” The sweater over shirt that sort of makes you look like you’re wearing a sailor uniform is indeed awkward, but in a cute way. Jim is lovingly look at Pam sitting on his bed when he gets uncomfortable enough about the whole thing that he has to look away from the camera.

Back downstairs, Pam hopes she’s not the only one that’s noticed what’s going on with Dwangela. Maybe she can get some confirmation from Phyllis�or not. Phyllis goes the obvious route and guesses correctly that the brighter sparks are between Pam and Jim. Too bad that’s not the answer Pam wanted. “We’re just friends.” Riiiiiight. That’s probably why, when Jim asks about Pam’s side project, she tries to nonchalantly admit that she was wrong about it.

Dwight’s male significant half shows up despite the fact that he didn’t officially receive an e-vitation. Suck. Michael is a karaoke fiend, which is a bad thing because he’s doing a duet by himself. It’s so bad that you just have to feel sorry for the guy and wish someone — anyone — would come to his rescue. Jim!!!!!!!! Jim and Michael probably weren’t the islands in the stream the song is talking about, but it makes Pam fell fuzzy and warm inside to see Jim come to their boss’s rescue, so the night ends up not being a complete loss.

The Others: Finally, two co-workers in the office are getting some lovin’ on, but it’s suspected to be Dwight and Angela. If it turns out to be true, it means Dwight has a full copy of Angela’s medical records somewhere. Oh, and he thinks there’s a lot of yeast infections in the county because it’s down the river from an old bread factory. Do with that information what you wish. Meanwhile, Michael snoops around the office e-mail system and finds out he wasn’t invited to Jim’s barbecue. After moping and dropping hints that he wanted to go, he ends up at his weekly improv class and kills everyone. Well, he doesn’t, Michael Scarn does. Ditched by office and improv, he chooses the less of the embarrassing evils and shows up uninvited to Jim’s party. Wait, why is the camera guy zooming in on random feet? Oh my God! Those are Dwangela’s shoes!!!!!

What have we learned today, kids: The obnoxious boss’s ego may bruise more easily than expected, the most unlikely romantic pairing of officemates may actually happen, and the cute sales guy may swallow his own pride to come to the aid of the least popular party guest. In other word, expect the unexpected — especially if the unexpected is wearing a dress pair of Birkenstocks.

– written by Jenny

Quotes

Pam: Hey. Something just happened. Dwight just told Angela that she has to delete all of her sensitive e-mails immediately.
Jim: What?
Pam: I know. Do you they’re like?
Jim: No.
Pam: Right, no. Ugh! Ew ew ew ew…Maybe.

Pam: It’s like squishing a spider under a book. It’s going to be really gross, but I have to look and make sure that it’s really dead. So if you guys see anything…

Pam: Hey, Dwight? My friend is kind of into these two girls that he works with.
Dwight: Nice.
Pam: One is tall and brunette and the other is short and blond and perky and kind of judgmental. Who do you think he should choose?
Dwight: Does he have access to their medical records?

Pam: Hey, Angela. How’s it going?
Angela: It’s ok.
Pam: Listen, are you bringing anyone to Jim’s party tonight?
Angela: No, are we supposed to?
Pam: No. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t think so.
[Pam starts putting money in the vending machine.] Angela: Excuse me.
Pam: Oh. [Angela buys a second candy bar while Pam looks at the camera and mouths “Two!”]

Kevin: Are you going to eat with us?
Michael: Of course. Hanging with my crew. Crew that I am one of. Hanging with my Cup o’ Noodles. This is a meal in a cup, right here. Hot, tasty. Reminds me of college. Lived on this stuff. Brain food. Mmm. You know what I really, really miss about college? The parties. Everybody would go, the athletes, the nerds, the professors.
Pam: The professors would go to the parties?
Michael: Yeah, they were the most fun. We always invited them.

Jim: It’s true. I’m having a party. I’ve got three cases of imported beer, karaoke machine, and I didn’t invite Michael. So three ingredients for a great party. And it’s nothing personal. I just think that if he were there, people wouldn’t be able to relax and, you know, have fun. And my roommate wants to meet everybody because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.

[The camera man runs up to get Pam’s attention] Pam: What? [The camera shows Dwight eating a Baby Ruth.] Oh, yes! Thank you.

Jim: So, Dwight thinks that tonight is a surprise party for Michael.
Pam: Really? That’s great.
Jim: I know.
Pam: Maybe we can get him to hide and wait somewhere.
Jim: Oh man. Oh, you know what? Speaking of which, I was just trying to get a handle on, you know, the numbers for food and stuff. So do you think Roy’s going to come or?
Pam: Oh no, he can’t make it.
Jim: Oh ok, cool.

Michael: Hey there.
Jim: Hey.
Michael: Almost quitting time.
Jim: Yup. It’s…4:00.
Michael: One more hour to take care of anything you forgot to do. Hey, you know, I don’t know if you have any plans tonight, but if you don’t, we could hang out.
Jim: Oh, um, I can’t.
Michael: You have plans?
Jim: Yeah, I do.
Michael: Yeah, I do too, I do too.
Jim: Oh you do?
Michael: Big plans. I do, yeah.
Jim: Because you just said you wanted to hang out.
Michael: Tonight, no I can’t do it tonight. Improv class. I have improv class. Hanging out with my improv buds.
Jim: Really?
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun.
Michael: Oh, it’s the best. It’s the best. I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up, I would definitely not go.
Jim: …Improv sounds great.
Michael: It is. Ok. Alright. What?
Jim: I think Stanley just coughed.

Jim: Quick announcement everybody, if I can get everybody’s attention. We do have wine in the kitchen and there is beer available on the porch and despite what you might think, it’s not all for Meredith and Kelly so please enjoy.
Dwight: Jim, you really think this is a good idea? [holds up a key and plastic rock] A hide-a-key rock?
Mark: Hey, you must be Dwight.
Dwight: You don’t work with us.
Jim: That’s because Mark’s my roommate.
Dwight: Oh.
Mark: Hey, I love the Birkenstocks.
Dwight: Thanks. Yeah, I always keep an extra set in the car for special occasions. Jim, come here. When is the guest of honor coming?
Jim: Oh. Uh, later-ish.
Dwight: He’s going to love it!
Jim: Great. I just wanted to let you guys know that we will be taking the tour like I promised.
Pam: Hey.
Jim: Hey! Just in time. Do you want to go on a group tour? We were just about to leave.
Pam: Definitely.
Jim: Well, the group tour is now leaving then. Ladies and gentlemen, just a few things that we’re going to be pointing out to you today. You will be able to see both bedrooms and if we’re lucky, maybe get a chance to peek into the bathroom. Who knows? I have to remind you also that flash photography is prohibited and as much as you can, please refrain from touching things. I know you might want to.
Ryan: Hey, is Katy coming?
Jim: Actually, I haven’t talked to her in a while.
Ryan: Oh. Is it cool if I call her?
Jim: We’ll talk about that later.

Pam [to camera]: Jim’s bedroom.
Jim: See, I knew we lost somebody on the tour.
Pam: This is your desk?
Jim: This is my desk.
Pam: Your home office?
Jim: Home office, this is it.
Pam: Yeah. You have to sit down so I can get the full effect.
Jim: Okay. Sure, will do.
Pam: Okay, wait. So that would make me…like right here.
[sits next to Jim’s bed] Jim: Yep, that feels about right.
Pam: And then Dwight would be like…
Jim: Um, you know what? Let’s just leave that image out of it. Because this is a happy place. Happy thoughts, Pam, happy thoughts.
Pam: Oh! Yearbook.
Jim: Yeah, you don’t have to…Alright, yes, that’s not going to be awkward at all.
Pam: Oh no!
Jim: Oh yeah.
Pam: You were so dorky!
Jim: Thank you.

Michael: Okay, this is a duet, so somebody else? Pam, you want to come up and sing this one? Need somebody else. Takers, please.
“Baby when I met you there was peace unknown”
Kelly?
“I tried to get you with a fine tooth comb, I was soft inside, there was something going on”
This is the part that goes to the girl.
[Michael starts singing in a falsetto.] “You do something to me that I can’t explain, Every beat of my heart, We’ve got something going on”
[Jim walks over next to Michael and starts to duet.] “Tender love is blind, It requires a dedication, All this love we feel needs no conversation, Divided together uh huh, Making love with each other uh huh.”
We’re making love!
“Islands in the stream, That is what we are, No one in between, How can we be wrong?, Sail away with me…”