Well, now, missy ... I have a bone to pick with you.  I thought one of the perks of being a beta reader was that you got hints about what's ahead before the general readership does.  But, NO, you post this little snippet about the emotional event right here on MTT.  Tsk.  Tsk.

Seriously, you know I loved it.  Can't wait to see the next chapter!

Oh, this is beautiful.  You actually make Roy a sympathetic character here.  I think this is the best Roy line I've ever read here:

...my girlfriend of ten years who up until the minute she told me that she wanted to break-up, I thought was happy...

And this is just dead on perfect:

She spent the rest of the night putting away all her things, which suddenly didn’t feel like her things, and she cried a little as she thought about sweet Roy, and kind Jim, and how she broke both their hearts and still ended up alone, in the tiny shoe-box apartment with boxes of things that she didn’t even want. And she wondered, not for the first or last time, whether she had made the right choice.

You may not be sure if you like it but I sure am!

This is just lovely.  You really captured both Jim and Karen's characters very nicely. 

This is very nice.  I like the details you chose to include.  Like how Jim's aggravation that Roy discourages Pam from painting causes him to grind his teeth.  And how he leaps to conclusions about what she's painting with his acrylics after he sees two flecks of paint on her hand.  And that she leaves her mark on him!

Lovely.

What an intriguing idea!  I love the little details you twist around:  Pam's guitar, the invitation addressed to Jim ... It's late or I'd write more.

Looking forward to S3!

Wow.  Very dark.  Definitely holding my interest.  I'm interested to see what happened to Pam and why Jim is holding off on the surgery.  (Taking him at his word that it's later rather than outright refusing.)

BTW, you meant to write Holly was a "barren" bitch, not a "baron" one. 

10

Jazz, you don't need anyone to be gentle with you on this.  You are doing an exceptionally good job writing in the first person.  I think this is one of the strongest pieces I've seen you produce.  You include terrific details; I feel like I'm sitting right with Jim on his interview and miserable trip home.  You can feel his quiet desperation.  I think you do a terrific job of obliquely illustrating the hit this unemployment is to Jim's manhood.  The fact that he's low enough that using WD40 on a squeaky door has to suffice as an accomplishment ... well, that's pretty damn depressing.  

The close just kills me:

I can hear the smile in Pam’s voice as she says, “It’s just you and me tonight, mister,” and a little part of me wants to die. She’s hoping for a celebration. 

Wow.  I can't wait to get my hands on the next chapter!  It's so cool to get to see it first!

You know, I was just thinking about this chapter some more and I realized more fully what a cool thing you did with Mr. Harris' daughter.  In the first chapter, he was pretty offended when Jim suggested obliquely that he could fill the pranking shoes of Harris' employee who'd passed away.  At face value, that was a pretty thoughtless thing of Jim to say.

But Laura clearly told her father about her interaction with Jim and the "open fly" story in a way that showed Jim really WOULD fit in with the work family that Harris created.  That Jim wasn't some poser but had a good heart and was funny.    Laura must've really talked him up to get her father to see past the affront he felt Jim had committed.

I was so hung up on all the grammar and flow stuff when I did the beta read that I somehow missed this.  Now I like the chapter even more!

I really like this!  It's sweet and sexy. 

I thought this was VERY well written.  As some have mentioned, it doesn't seem entirely in character for Jim to be so dark and manipulative ... but not so far out there to me that it seemed unbelievable.

You've got a fine command of language.  You did an excellent job of building the sexual tension in the first several chapters.  I like how your Jim has a firm grasp on his appeal to women and uses it to his advantage.

Personally, I enjoyed the first several chapters better than the two chapters of smut.  But that's my preference.  Not too many writers here do smut that really appeals to me.

There were a few typos that stood out because the rest of the writing was so top notch.  (E.g. "begun" in the last sentence should be "began.")

I like this.  There are a couple of details that are really perfect for the way the series went and I wonder if they were on purpose or if it was serendipity.

1. Pam's first mention of Roy to Jim shows that he's holding her back from her dreams.
2. When Jim's left speechless at the mention of Roy, our self-confidenceless Pam takes it as a sign that she's gone on too long.

I like your dialogue, too.  Spot on. 

In short, great first job!  Looking forward to more...

I find this an interesting chapter because I guess I've never really thought about that period of time when Jim must've been deciding whether or not he was in love with Pam.  Had he passed the infatuation stage or not?

This was my favorite passage in the chapter:

I can't help it. I just like her way too much, to the point where I'm starting to wonder if I really do just love her yet. Because for me, the feeling of her going anywhere -- that includes her being married -- physically hurts. It physically affects me, and that makes me so nervous. When did I let it get this far? Why is she always teasing me like this? I've always been a sucker when I like a girl, yeah, but I'm a smooth guy usually. She makes me trip on myself, and all these little things about her, and as much as I can enjoy just having a crush on a girl, that's not what this is anymore. Every time I see that damn ring on her finger or her buffoon of a fiance, I feel like it's just a matter of time before... No, it's not a matter of time because she's with him right now. Someone already has her...

This is so sweet, yanana!  A positively lovely break from the angst.  So many perfect little details.  Make her get out ... Magic Eight Ball ... Actual size baby right here ... Suddenly bringing a baby into the world for him ... I love all these little details.  And you've never had a baby, have you?

Author's Response: Thank you. =) Definitely needed a break from the angst with this no-brainer fluff. And, nope, no baby for me yet. It's very likely, with the lack of young children in my family, that the closest I'll be to an infant is the one on my television screen the night Jim and Pam's is born. ;)