Reviewer: ftmill16 Signed 1
Date: April 28, 2020
Title: Chapter 9: Kiss my Mouth, Hell is Here
I have to say, you are an AMAZING storyteller! I’m telling you, every word of every chapter just totally keeps me hanging on. When I’m done with a chapter I want to hungrily and greedily demand more right now! I’m pretty sure I started reading this somewhere else before you brought it here, we’ll either that or I’ve become psychic because I swear when I started reading the first chapter here I knew what the next several were going to bring. Anyhow...
This is just so good. First off, if you aren’t writing professionally, you should think about it IMO. You just have a way of setting it all up where I feel like there’s a movie playing in my head of the scenes you have set. The way you keep everyone so completely in character in this drastically different setting is just masterful. Even your original characters, Brian, Dr. Brooks even Larissa who is somewhat canon but never defined in any way on the show, I feel like I somewhat know them. As if they were part of my favorite show when I watched it. You just make us know and care about these characters. Even ones like Erin, who I wasn’t a big fan of and Pete who I didn’t really care either way about, though they (especially Erin. Oh and I’m so glad it’s Erin and Pete rather than Andy but I won’t get started on that) aren’t in this much, you’ve still brought me around to care for them and to care and have concern for the impending birth of their first child. On another note, wow the surprise entrance of Toby and Sasha. Sasha being with her dad made me feel... something for him. It didn’t take long before I started feeling like I did about the Toby on the show. That man is underhanded and I’m concerned about what he might try. The question he asked Pam in this last chapter about what if Jim left her and the kids leaves me especially concerned for what Toby is thinking. I was also concerned about him insisting on going along to Tent City but I’m guessing that since he has decided that Jim doesn’t protect Pam adequately because of the bruised face (and he doesn’t want to bother with the real story. Him saying he would have stopped them or whatever, not a chance. Heck, Jim was being held by multiple people, people that had guns, yet as soon as someone was hurting Pam he used practically superhuman strength to get away from them, get to Pam and beat the heck out of the guy that hurt her. Then he had to face down more guys, who also had guns, and get them out of there and back home, sure Toby, you spineless, conniving drivel of a person... you could have done better. Not in a million years. Had it been Toby a lot worse would have happened to Pam. But, I think I got away from myself there, sorry. 😏) If Toby knew anything from working with Jim and Pam it should be that Pam is Jim’s world, well Pam and the kids now. Jim will do whatever it takes to protect them. Anyhow, this Toby, I’m interested to see how far he’s going to take his delusions. You have me nervous about him. I mean, that whole thing with he and Pam in the last chapter where he’s insisting that Jim doesn’t deserve her....Ugh. I’m thinking Jim should have brought Sasha to the house and maybe shot Toby on sight. Not really. It’s just sad how Toby is because Jim and Pam were so happy to see him.
Anyhow... the special thing about this story is that there are so many little stories that I want to know more about. Like Pete and Erin and their baby. Larissa and Dr Brooks. Where the heck did Mac and his men go and what are they going to do when they get back? I’d love to see something more developed for Angela and hear more about Dwight’s death and maybe some of him while he was still Alive . Like how did some of these people like Pete and Erin, Meredith etc... end up at the farm? What was Dwight (and Angela’s reaction when Jim and Pam and family showed up. I swear, I think you could write 100 chapters of this and I’ll probably be craving 100 more. So thank you for sharing your talent with us. I cannot wait to read more. I hope it won’t be too long in coming...🙂😉 Really, really great job.
Author's Response:
Wow. Just, wow. Your review absolutely made my day! It brings me so much joy that you are as invested in this story and these characters as I am. You aren't mistaken, I did have a few chapters up on AO3 for a short time, but I wanted to make a few changes and decided to take it down while I did. :) (It's back there now)
I adore that you are so invested in the original characters because they are near and dear to me, especially Brian. For me, Brian is the guy friend we never got to see Jim have and I have enjoyed developing him and what I have in store for him as well. And don't worry, you will see more about Dr. Brooks and Larissa, I have quite a bit more already written about them. I'm glad that you feel the same way about Toby as I do! I always found him a bit creepy and when I was forming this story in my mind I felt he would be a good fit for this role. I'm glad you noticed the slight empathy I wanted the reader to feel for him. It makes the decisions he makes down the road understandable albeit still reprehensible, in my mind. I have always felt the scariest characters are the ones that are multidimensional. They might do terrible things and you hate them but their humanity peeks through for just a brief moment. Usually right before they do something even more horrendous, but I feel that makes them more interesting.
I'm a huge sucker for protective Jim, as you can see. There were always little hints of it in the show, but he kept in reined in, so to speak. In this universe he doesn't have to, nor do we want him to, to be honest. It's one of the reasons he is so good at keeping his family alive. I think you will enjoy the next chapter. ;)
I think many of your questions about the secondary stories will get answered in the upcoming chapters. I've tried to drop little breadcrumbs along the way that will make sense once certain scenes unfold and tie things together. At least that is my hope! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me! I can't wait to hear more!