He should've been happy that Karen had finally warmed up to his joking ways. He wasn't.This is really well written. You have captured the two character's voices perfectly, especially Jim's. It felt like I was hearing dialogue from the show here and there. Wonderful stuff. And I like how Karen never lets Jim off the hook. It may be the one good thing about their relationship. She at least forces him to deal with important issues. I look forward to seeing where you take this!
Author's Response: Wow, thanks! I'm glad I hit the dialogue. Thanks for the great review, Cousin Mose!
Gould won't... communicate with Jan. Five conversations that answer the question: Why Michael?Dialogue-only fics can be tricky to navigate sometimes, but you have managed to pull it off very nicely here. The great thing about this is that because so much is left to the reader's imagination, the story is going to be different for everyone. Excellent!
Author's Response: Thanks, Cousin Mose! I hadn't realized how much people would take a dialogue-fic differently (it's GLARINGLY obvious in my head) until I started reading reviews.
Even though you already know my thoughts on this, I'll leave them here, all official-like. Can't have too many reviews, right? :)
This version is so much stronger than the first draft. Not that the first draft was bad by any means--it just needed a wee bit of tightening. And it turned out wonderfully. It's nice to see sides of Jim that we don't get to see on the show itself, and it's especially nice to get a glimpse into his past.
And isn't it ironic how the two most influential women in his life have such similar names? (Sam and Pam?) That's a nice touch. :)
Oh...yes...of course, I did that on purpose *cough*
Thanks for leaving your kind thoughts here too :) Can't wait to see your updated stuff this weekend!
Fantastic! There needs to be many more Dwangela fics around here than there are currently. I love that Angela's cats are named Samson and Pattie. There's something oddly synergistic about that.
This is a transcript of The Newlywed Show, taped in December 2009."Salads are virtuous." That sounds like the title of Angela's forthcoming autobiography for some reason. This was excellent, really. I laughed out loud as I pictured the scene unfolding. I can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thanks cuz...there will be more...would you beleived I googled beet recipes as research for this?
If you ask me, Karen had been "abandoned" long before the trip to NYC. But I agree that she probably ended up taking a bus back to Scranton a day or two later.
All kidding aside, this is very nice. I especially like the line "He really liked her. He really, really, did." Because up until the now infamous "Pam is kind of a bee-yotch" line, there wasn't any real reason to hate Karen other than that she wasn't Pam. So well done, I say!
Well this is just lovely from start to finish. I appreciated many of the wonderful images you have here, from the idea of their first date being as comfortable as an old shoe, to Jim feeling that the law of gravity had been repealed just for him. Very nice, indeed!
Author's Response: Thanks! I think the "comfortable" impulse is my reaction to twelve straight months of uncomfortable angst between Jim and Pam. :)
Again, there are so many great lines and wonderful images here, but this line: "she wanted to scrape at her skin a bit, rid herself of the grimy build-up that was the past and just start over fresh." was just fantastic. Also, your exploration of Pam's learning to prank Dwight by herself got me to thinking about some of the early episodes in season 3 where some people were complaining that Pam seemed out of character. And I kept thinking "of COURSE she's out of character! That's the whole point!!" The Pam that we saw playing with Dwight's new regime in The Job had been practicing for a long time to get to that point. And while it wasn't the same as when she was with Jim, it was every bit the indication that she was earning the title of "Fancy New Beesly."
So there's a little bit more rambling from me. This is just fantastic, and I look forward to more. You've just made my favorite author list. :)
Glad you liked the chapter, of course, but more importantly: favorite author list! Wow. I have so many people to thank for this honor... ;) Seriously though, I really am flattered.
Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. This is really well written, and I personally love the almost stream of consciousness feel to it. I had no trouble following the style you'd written in, and I think you've captured Pam's thoughts and experiences perfectly. Okay, I'm off to read the second chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm so glad you like the style and Pam's characterization. She's a lot more fun to write now that FNB is showing her true colors! Thanks again for the review!
I am convinced that this is exactly how this scene happened. You are a great writer. I don't know how else to say it. :)
And some people think that once Jim and Pam get together that there's no more story! That somehow, the show will be forced to end and that will be it. This story here just proved that those types of people lack suitable vision.
This was, to use superhero nomenclature, Simply Amazing! You are Awesome Writer, and I am your loyal sidekick, Blown Away Reader Man. Every few paragraphs was a "BIFF!" "POW!" or "SOCKO!!" and there was no kryptonite anywhere to be found.
And what else can be said about this line: "Angela would be livid if she saw this - no decorations, people having fun… simply appalling." except that it is just fabulous? That line was only one of many that had me laughing to beat the band. :)
HOORAY!! I was wondering what had become of you lately, and I am glad to see that you're back in the game! (Yeah, like I'm really one to talk!)
Of all the "what happened behind the scenes of the finale" fics out there, this one is one of many favorites. Who knew that Jim's bag was so central to his decision making process? I guess that means the little gold yogurt lid was really just the kicker, yeah? :)
Excellent work as usual, and I especially liked the line about the briefcase getting heavier as Karen bugs him about it. That seems so Jim-esque. And I love the nod all the way back to that mysterious "first" date of Jim and Pam's at Cugino's as being the deciding factor now. Nicely done, and good to see you again!
"'Jiiiiiiiiim. Come to beeeed,' Pam’s voice is light, and it mistily floats down the empty staircase as it swirls about the room, echoing like a siren’s song."
A series of one-shots. There are times when Jim and Pam's relationship seem a little supernatural.
I loved this! I love stories that use uncommon themes to describe Jim and Pam's relationship, and this one was so original! Lots of great images here, just the right mixture of comedy and tenderness--just like the show.
One nit pick: in the sentence "Of yogurt lids and flower peddles," I'm sure you meant to say flower petals." :) That's the kind of thing I always miss in my own stories, since you spelled "peddles" correctly, the spellchecker wouldn't catch it!
anyway, I loved this thoroughly. It stands perfectly on it's own, but if you wanted to expand it, you could have one from Pam's point of view where she suspects Jim is a Werewolf, perhaps?
10 This story is magnificent thus far, but I have to admit to being a little surprised to seeing my name in any way attached to it. Mind you, I'm flattered beyond words, but how exactly did I give you the idea for this chapter? :)
Anyway, I may need to go back and read this again. Like now. Because it's simply too tasty to just nibble on and move on.
Excellent work!
This can't be happening. I won't let it. This isn't the way it's supposed to happen.
Set after the Job, but no spoilers or spec, just a what-if scenario.
Hooray for an Angela story! I love secondary character fics that give more depth than we're used to seeing, and this one is really good. I love that last line: "sometimes one plus one equals three instead of two." Magnificent. :)
Poor Angela. Now she's going to have the demon spawn of Dwight. Oh, the horror! :)
A series of vignettes centered around clichés, but with a JAM spin.First of all, young lady, do you know how worried we all have been over your absence lately?? I was this close to calling the hospitals!
However, since you have returned unhurt and no worse for the wear and since you brought back such a great chapter, all is forgiven. :)
Seriously...how wonderful is the thought of Michael playing pictionary? The "Big Ben" line, even though I had read it in that early draft, STILL makes me laugh out loud!
So a hearty huzzah for the triumphant return of the Swiffer!! WOOT! :)
Swiffster, m'dear, this chapter is the best chapter of all the chapters. [/Roy]. :)
Seriously, though, even though I was anticipating where it was heading, I never once lost interest along the way. The ride itself was absolutely delightful, and I, for one, love that Jim and Pam's relationship has become "normal." Takes the pressure off of me out here in the real world with Mrs. Mose. :)
Other random things I loved about this chapter: Pam's mom calling Pam on the fact that even she has let the spontaneity slip; The impending "Tell-Tale Schrute" prank, (which you simply MUST write!); The fact that Angela's evolved to the point where she told a LIE to help in the charade!
Just wonderful all the way around!
9 Hello, my dear Swiffer! What a fantastic chapter! I'd almost forgotten about this story...
Okay, not really. You know I have been waiting anxiously for this chapter especially. :) I love the exchange between Pam and Stephanie at the gym--a really great use of unspoken tension between the two. And it's always nice to get little glimpses into these character's pasts, isn't it? And speaking of Stephanie, you fit her in just perfectly, I thought. Her timeline with Jim was how I always envisioned it, oddly enough. ;)
And how many good things can be said about Jim and Pam's semi-heated exchange there at the end? I could totally hear Pam's stress in her voice, and could see Jim's eyes widen in abject terror at the mention of Stephanie's name. Bravo and excellent as always, my friend!
Have a wonderful trip, and we'll hold down the fort here. And remember--Salzburg is in Austria. Hahaha!
Hey hey, careful with that geography smack talk ;)
Thank you so much for all the help, Mose; from letting me borrow Stephanie to your constant encouragement even when I'm ready to chuck this whole thing.
Talk to you in a couple weeks!
Okay, I may have pitched this to you, but you, my friend, knocked this one out of the park! (as long as we're going with baseball metaphors!) Or, to put it another way: I may have given you the chocolate, but you were the one to stick in the peanut butter and call it Reese's. :)
So many wonderful things about this chapter (aside from the brilliant idea...), from a dorky 11 year old Jim in a Phillies' cap that reminded me a little too much like an 11 year old Mose in a Reds' cap for comfort, to Pam's incessant quest to find the card that was so important. And the exchange between Dwight, Pam and Angela was brilliant! I could totally believe that Dwight's family collected "American sports" paraphenalia (probably divert suspicion from the House Un-American Committee in the 50's, yes?)
Anyway, aces all around, m'dear! The excellence continues!
Reese's is my favorite candy in the world. And now I'm craving some. Anywho.
11-year-old Jim in a Phillie's cap was inspired by a Dodgers game I went to last week with my dad, as i watched other 11-year-olds running around in their jerseys and hats. So cute. Makes me wish I cared more about sports.
Like I said, you were the brains behind this whole chapter, I just typed out some gibberish and hoped it made sense. And I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! Thanks for everything, Mose!
Well, of COURSE I love it! You already know my feelings about this new idea of yours (as well as my insane jealousy that I didn't think of it first!), but I'll go ahead and say it again anyway. You're onto such a great idea here, and this is such a cute beginning. It's the little touches here that really make this work: the fact that the Halpert family dog doesn't like Pam; how exactly Pam knows about tiptoeing across creaky floors. Wonderful little spices that make this dish so delicious!
So good luck with this new endeavor, and here's a giant WOO HOO!! from the front row! :)
Okay, your enthusiasm is turning people off...
Totally kidding! Becky215 and I were talking last night and she said that your reviews were as inspirational as sunday school (or something like that) and i couldn't agree more! Your support of this story means so much to me, and thanks for being so helpful in taking a first look at my drafts. A billion Stanley nickels for you, my friend :)
Awww.... look at you, being all clever with your "first you think it's totally going to be a ring and then it's a dog" brilliance! :)
I was thinking about writing a Jim and Pam get a dog fic of my own, but I don't see how it could be as good as this one.
This story just keeps getting better and better! I am very excited to see the next installment. Good job!
Also, I can't speak for CH, but I don't mind if you tell people how wonderful I am ;)
Let's see--what's the most cliche review I can give you?
"Wow. It was really good. Update soon."
Or how about...
"OMG! I luv it! U R the BEST! Update SOON!!!"
See, here's the thing, though...it's not a cliche if it's true. :) (More applause from the front row.)
*Throws flowers into the front row*
Thanks so much, Mose! You know I couldn't have done this without you!
WOO HOO!! This chapter turned out great! Oh, where to begin with everything I loved about it? Let's see...
First of all, I have a particular bias towards any story involving an iPod--(reminds me of another brilliant story written by a brilliant and extremely humble author! :P).
I loved Jim's "close the deal" voice. That just rang so true for some reason.
"Less attitude and more swaying, Beesly." -- excellent line! Swaying is dancing, after all! (Can I call you Sway now?)
And I've always believed that Pam's iPod is loaded with boy bands as well. They're a throw back to her high school days. Her guilty pleasure. Her musical Achilles' Heel, if you will.
Finally, ease up on Kansas, will ya, ya big bully? "Dust in the Wind" was one of the first songs I learned how to play on the guitar when I was in high school, and yes...I rocked! :P
Oh man...I feel so old all of a sudden...
I think my favorite moment in this chapter was Pam thinking she'd said "yes" out loud, while thinking it over and over in her head! Very cute.
You're on a roll now, Wendy, so don't stop the music! I'm enjoying it far too much to have the ride stop just yet! (were those enough cliches for you?) Great job!
Wow! You certainly ran the gamut of emotions with this one! I'm very impressed.
First of all, i thought Dwight's funeral was HYSTERICAL. (Wow. There's a sentence i never thought I'd ever write!) But then again, a Mose reference always makes me a little biased! :) And Angela's final remarks about her little Schrute-let being buried in that tuxedo was just perfect.
Similarly, Michael's funeral was funny and sweet as well. I loved that he went trying to genuinely impress Jan by fixing something for her--all by himself.
Toby's was sweet and sad--just like him, now that I think about it. I'm just glad you didn't have Pam offer to raise Sasha, like some writers would have been prone to do! Poignant is one thing, but come on... :)
Jim and Pam's funerals were also quite sad, but in a good way, if that makes sense. I really like how you mirrored Pam's crying scene with Dwight by having Dwight comfort Jim. An excellent touch.
So this one really got to me. I felt highs and lows, happiness and pain--as if I were attending the funerals of five close personal friends. Darn you for making me choke up!
But kudos for such an original and brave idea!
Wow! I think this wins the award for most detailed review I've ever gotten for anything I've ever written in any fandom! Thanks so much for taking the time.
I'm glad you were so amused by Dwight's funeral - that was probably the hardest one because the craziness of the Schrute family and Mose Schrute doesn't exactly come naturally to me (which I think is a good thing?), but I knew it had to be unbelievably ridiculous. It also helped me take the fic less seriously so I wasn't as sad when writing the more emotional funerals.
It would never have even occurred to me to have Pam offer to raise Sasha, so no worries there!
I hadn't actually thought about the parallels between Dwight comforting Pam and Dwight comforting Jim, so thanks for pointing that out! I see it now, and while I wasn't thinking of it consciously, I'm sure that scene helped me see Dwight as the kind of person who would comfort Jim at a time like this as well. He's a big ol' softie, that Dwight ;)
Thank you again for such a kind and detailed review - it's a little scary killing off a good portion of my favorite characters, so it's nice to hear that it was at least received well!