8

Oh wow.  What a powerful idea you've used here -- I love it.  I think you've portrayed Pam as a child just as I would have expected her to act, and, again, of course, the balloon symbolism is just awesome.  Thanks so much for sharing this.  :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the kind comments!

7

Well, this was just lovely.  I love Pam humiliating herself in front of everyone because that's exactly the kind of humor that would stand up in this show, and it's something that clearly shows how much Jim means to her.  This story is paced really well and the lyrics you've included are lovely -- they don't take away from the writing at all (or, alternately, they add to them, really :)).  My favorite lines were:

"Pam, do you ever think about--"

"I should get going."

She had left quickly.

Because oh man, those are killer.  Really lovely job with this -- thank you so much for your review on my story and for sharing this with us. :)

10

Oh lordy.  I'm becoming more and more of a Dwangela fan every day.  This is hilarious and so true to their characters -- I love the line about how she brings balance to the force and the way she tells him to slow down but doesn't really want him to.  So perfect.  This was wonderful.

9

What a sad but meaningful look into their relationship as of right now -- really, I just find everything about Karen interesting because there are so many ways her character could go and so much we don't see of her.  The imagery and sensory detail you have in this short piece is great -- the sun coming through the window, the water over her hands, the sound of his shoes on the sidewalk (nice alliteration, by the way!).  It's an excellent ending line because it continues with the sensory detail but it's obviously an excellent metaphor as well; you don't mention whether his footsteps are coming forward or receding, but that could be because you want to leave it up to the reader to decide, or because Karen might not be too sure whether he's coming or going either (emotionally, I mean, not physically).

Lovely job with this, as always.

9

Oh, this is just beautiful.  I love all the space imagery of weightlessness and endlessness and the lack of oxygen he feels... what a great idea to use that kind of description. 

My favorite sections were definitely these two:  Her smile is still sweet, just for him.  He tries to get lost in it.  Problem is, his compass is unerring and only points in one direction.  I love the way you've used Karen in this piece:  not as a villain, but not someone you really care much about either.  Love the compass metaphor. 

My other favorite section was this: He knows Karen is probably watching.  Her antennae are keen now.  She'd notice even if they weren't standing a little too close, wearing giant sombreros.  I love the way you've made these lines all about observation -- Karen watching them so intently and them being so obvious without any effort, without really even knowing what they're doing.

Fabulous job here, Colette.  I love it. 

So funny! Of course Dwight would have some strange nickname to call her, and of course she would hate nicknames.  What a clever idea -- you did so well with these characters.  :)

Author's Response: Thanks allibabab! It's interesting to explore a relationship between two such freaky people and I think it might become my new weird obsession! ;-)

THIS IS THE BEST CHALLENGE EVER.

After reading 69 cups of noodles's contribution to this, and loving it, and having read other things you've written, and loving them, I knew I was going to love this too.  And I do.  I really do.

It's amazing that you manage to incorporate some seriousness into this light story, as well:  Her words were about Michael and Dwight and laundry and fabric softener (she remembered that?), and his silence and his laughter were about patience and suffering and anticipation and hope.  I absolutely love this line (and the paragraph it comes with), not only because it's almost a run-on sentence and those are my new favorite things in the world, but also because it says so much in a really light kind of way.  You manage depth lightly.  That is quite a feat, my friend.

Also, your dialogue.  OH LORD.  So funny, and sweet, and realistic, and wonderful, and oh.  Oh, oh, oh.  "Please, sir, I want s'more...s."  I was seriously laughing my booty off.

Thank you so much for this!  I feel so light-hearted. 

HA!

Oh man, you have some great dialogue lines in here -- the last line by Jim, obviously, and the lame "Tom" one by Pam (though Jim's response to that was really funny too), and the "Not a peep out of you!"  There are so many jokes you can make out of the word 'peep' and it's so right that they'd be making them.

I also loved how you described everything they were doing to his desk -- that gave me a real picture of what it would have looked like, and it definitely, definitely would have been hilarious.  There is one line up there where you've written 'because' instead of what I assume was meant to be 'become' (when you're talking about the bobble-head), but no worries.  The rest of this was so cute and funny that I barely noticed -- nice job with this! 

Really nice job keeping them in character and making them sound like themselves!  Ryan/Kelly stories aren't generally my favorite thing to read, but you've done so well with this.  I love the line about when her fever breaks in the night and she starts to snore -- that's such a funny Kelly thing that seems to really just fit.  Thanks for this!

10

COLETTE.  Seriously.

This is beyond wonderful.  I can't even pick out all the most fabulous parts because the most fabulous part is all of it, all together.  It's seamless.  And really, really powerful.

One of my favorite lines is this:  But when she wakes up the next morning,  it's still there under the sheets, tangled around her.  It's not a magic scarf at all.  It's just his.  Just OH.  Of course his scarf would seem like some small part of him, like if she's close enough to it, she'll be closer to him, and... oh.  I just love this line.

And the scarf feeling like a noose?  Another perfect line.  She feels trapped and suffocated by these secret feelings she's carrying around, and she feels like she's doing it to herself and it's all her fault, just like she keeps wearing the scarf even though she knows she "shouldn't" and even though she knows it's not really helping anything.

I am not being coherent about how much I LOVE THIS STORY.

I love how you describe her as "sheer impulse" like it's not what she's feeling, but what she is, because in a moment like that, that's really how those things work.  And I can't even tell you how unbelievably perfect this whole scenario is as a set-up for them to get together.  Something has to happen to force this, and it's so realistic and perfect that it's something as simple as a scarf to break the standstill they're in.

And the whole "Invite me over" and "I'm in love with you" is just SO ridiculously wonderful and perfect that I'm seriously shaking my head in wonder.

Beautiful ending.  Very full-circle with the snow reference, and the line about him coming back and loving her... guh.

OHMYGOSH pretty much sums up how I feel about this.  Seriously.  Just... seriously.  Wow. 

10

Oh, wow.  This is just awesome.  Poor Toby -- I love how you talk about 'feeling more than just shared sadness.'  That is such a fabulous, subtle way of showing that he has feelings for her, and... guh.  I'm not even a Toby/Pam person, but this hit me straight in the gut.  Poor, poor Toby.

I had a harder time figuring out who everyone else is, but I do love the Dwight one (the one about Angela).  Very short, but it sounds just like the way he speaks, and wearing her hair down only four times a month sounds very Angela-like.

My guesses for the other ones:  two is Phyllis, four is Kelly, and five is Creed.  Am I close?  If I am, then it makes sense for me to say this -- you've done such a wonderful job with voices here.  Again, you did it with a lot of subtlety, but also with a lot of skill.  Character voices can be really difficult, so kudos to you for that!  And thanks for this.  Really great job.

10

This is just gorgeous.  When you said Pam was stealing from Karen, I thought you actually meant stealing (which could have been interesting), as in stealing objects of Karen's.  But this... this is much, much better.  You use such evocative descriptions, like the sun through the blinds onto Jim's head, and the orange shadow, and the elevator being a candlelit moment, and the way you describe them barely, barely touching in the first one... guh.  Beautiful.  You've done such a remarkable job on this, creating whole scenes and emotions and everything with just a few words... it's great.  Thank you for this.

10

This is so wonderful!  You've got so many great lines in here even with it being so short (sadly!), like the words... fluttering in the wind one cold winter's night, crashing down onto the asphalt one warm spring evening and she pours the candy hearts, her heart, into the dish and waits.

Oh, I love this.  Great idea!  You've done such a nice job on this -- you can really feel Pam's... well, desperation sounds like a slightly too intense kind of description, but her determination and her need to communicate this with Jim.

Well, I'm confusing, but this is lovely, and I really, really enjoyed it. :)